The Very Thought of You
by WaterSpirit1
Summary: A year after school has finished, Daisuke visits Satoshi in Tokyo where he has been working for the police. Daisuke has a month to discover if Satoshi feels the same way as him, but will the chaos that ensues make the discovery worthwhile? Sat/Dai
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own DN Angel or anything associated with it

**The Very Thought of You**

_Prologue_

* * *

There was no question in highschool that Daisuke Niwa and Satoshi Hiwatari were best friends. Though people thought it odd, as people tend to do when opposite personalities click, they were unaware of the shared suffering and fatefully intertwined lives that Daisuke and Satoshi had led in middle school. A year spent fighting against each other and their own prejudiced heritage had slowly forged a bond between them that was so strong it seemed absurd to give it up now. Besides, other people would think they were a little strange if they complained of missing their 'other half', which inevitably Daisuke did. Whether Satoshi ever missed Krad is dubious. In any case, it was never spoken, but both knew that the other was the only person in the world that entirely understood and trusted them.

Satoshi, completely dissolving all commitment and loyalty to his 'father', threw himself into highschool, making the most of the opportunities that he had initially been deprived of. With much coaxing on behalf of Kosuke, Satoshi slowly became a familiar presence in the Niwa household, though Emiko never really came to terms with the whole thing. Daisuke was only too happy to help his friend lead what he considered a more normal life and, of course, spend an awful lot of time with him.

They drifted into different social groups at school and Daisuke was surprised to find that, although Satoshi never really lost his cool detachment from the rest of the world, and was still constantly inundated with admirers, he was more sociable and had lost the haughty, deterring façade he had always projected before. By final year, only three things convinced Daisuke that the Satoshi he knew now was still the same person; for one, he called Daisuke clumsy, which usually led to number two, he called him _baka_, and thirdly, he turned down every single girl that confessed their love for him.

As for the twins, despite the fact that they had played a large role in the lives of Daisuke and Satoshi as the 'Holy Maidens', they faded into the crowds of highschool until their role in the lives of the boys was comparatively small and early adventures had become a somewhat vague memory that could be difficult to distinguish from dreams.

When they graduated, Daisuke went to Azumo University with a scholarship to do Fine Art and Satoshi straight back to working at the Azumo Police Force. Daisuke would ask why Satoshi bothered to go through highschool all over again just to re-join the police force, but his friend would simply shrug. It had seemed worth it to him. Life flowed on as it always had, the pair spending long hours painting and talking. Satoshi had vowed he would never pick up another paint brush after Krad had gone, but sometimes the urge of generations of blood is too strong. Whether the background to this activity was Daisuke's house, their school or his university never seemed too important to Daisuke.

So it was with great shock and despair he learned that Satoshi, after only two months working with the police force, was to be transferred immediately to the Tokyo Central Police where people of his talent and skill were desperately needed. He could not believe that his best friend, a vital part of his life, was about to be taken away from him. And yet, it happened, so that at the age of nineteen and twenty respectively, neither Daisuke nor Satoshi had seen each other for a year.

Sometimes that's just the way things are, Satoshi would say.

* * *

To: shiwataritokyopolice  
From: dniwaazumouni  
Subject: Coming to Tokyo!

_Hey Satoshi,_

_How are you lately? You haven't emailed me back much (actually you basically never email back and do you ever answer your phone??) but I suppose you must be really busy with your job as the head of the elite force. You still haven't told me what you really do as their commander. But I finally have the chance to ask you about everything!  
I'm coming to Tokyo for a month for the university holidays and I took some leave of absence as well so I could stay longer and get some inspiration from such a cool city. It's all come about pretty fast (I leave next Monday) and I was wondering if I could please stay at your place for a couple of days until I find a hostel or something? But, you don't have to.  
Hopefully you get this before then..that could be a worry. Oh, Dad says to say 'hi' to you. Why is he always looking over my shoulder?_

_Anywhom, ja ne!  
Daisuke_

* * *

To: dniwaazumouni  
From: shiwataritokyopolice  
Subject: RE:Coming to Tokyo!

_Daisuke,_

_Baka, of course you can come and stay with me. For the whole time, if you wish. I think you'll be hard pressed to find accommodation here on such short notice. If you give me the time you're coming in on the train on Monday I'll meet you at the station. _

_Satoshi_

…_Say hi to Kosuke-san. _

* * *

To: shiwataritokyopolice  
From: dniwaazumouni  
Subject: (none)

_You suck at emailing...  
8.43am train, Monday the 2__nd_

_Daisuke_

_P.S. Thanks_

* * *

A/N:  
Sounds a bit boring, yes, but it's just a prologue covering some background. Hopefully you're interested enough to come back to read the next chapter! Yay! And sorry the fake email addresses didn't work properly but FanFiction just didn't like them.


	2. They Can't Take That Away From Me

Disclaimer: I do not own DN Angel or anything associated with it. Yukiru Sugisaki does.

**The Very Thought of You**

Chapter 1: They Can't Take That Away From Me

* * *

And so, on a clear Monday morning, Daisuke watched the city rush by in the brisk autumn air, his breath fogging up a small area of glass before quickly fading away to reveal the tall grey buildings once more. He leaned back in his seat as other, un-enthusiastic passengers eyed him strangely. Regarding his reflection in the window, Daisuke realised that, just as he had changed in the past year, so would have Satoshi. What would he look like? Would he still be the same?

Daisuke, though his hair was shorter - just peeking out of the knitted hat that he was wearing - had not changed significantly in either looks or personality. He was still a bubbly, boyish-faced young man with insanely bright red hair. That was the only difference – age. He was no longer a boy but a young man, with the prospect of life seeming slightly daunting as he stood on the brink of beginning it.

Suddenly, the train slowed to a jolting stop, and he was surrounded by large skyscrapers and an immense multitude of people that filled the platform. A moment of panic, where no startling cerulean hair was apparent, faded with the crowd as another young man in a coat became visible. He had a large smile on his face and hair that was at odds with the grey city in which he lived, and Daisuke had never been happier to see such a sight.

"Satoshi-kun!" He dropped his battered looking suitcase in order to hug his friend fiercely. The same mocking but amused spark in Satoshi's bright blues eyes as he looked down let the younger boy know that, strangely enough, everything was the same as it always had been.

"Ne, Daisuke-kun?" Satoshi smiled, putting a hand on the other's head.

"Yeah," the younger boy looked up with his usual large, half-expectant eyes.

"I think you've shrunk since I last saw you," he chuckled as the other's face fell instantly.

"We don't see each other for a whole year and the first thing you say is that I've shrunk! You are such a…" he trailed off from fuming to find his friend grinning inanely, not caring in the least that they were making a rather odd scene on the platform.

"C'mon." Satoshi promptly turned and started moving away.

"H-hey! Wait!" he went to grab his suitcase, only to grasp at thin air, before realising that it too was moving away from him. "Oh." Moving his satchel further up his shoulder, all Daisuke could do was follow his friend through the winding maze that was Tokyo.

* * *

When Daisuke imagined the kind of apartment that Satoshi would live in, he never saw anything particular but had a general idea of what it might look like. In any case, he certainly hadn't imagined _this_. The place was on the corner of a large main street with a train running down the centre and a grungy little alley way, fraught with graffiti that was at once, Daisuke could see, beautifully skilful and lively yet also obscene. They had entered a normal enough building that contained a number of apartments on five floors. Satoshi's was on the third floor, which seemed like a pretty good deal to Daisuke considering there was no lift, only a cold flight of stairs that had dripping pipes running down the wall. The faded plaque on the door read: No. 6. For a moment Daisuke was struck with the thought that the number six suited Satoshi before subsequently wondering where on earth that thought had come from.

The apartment – or perhaps room would be a more accurate description – was a small area that sufficed as a kitchen, living room and bedroom. Satoshi's room was a corner one, so two large windows graced the bland walls; one facing the main street and another looking onto the alleyway with a small metal balcony underneath it that acted as a fire escape. Morning sunlight streamed in highlighting how bare and stark the white walls were.

Daisuke was stunned as he stood in the doorway. Knowing Satoshi, he thought the place would be at least clean if not all that nice, but there were clothes strewn all over the floor along with random bowls and plates since the coffee table in the centre of the room was covered with important looking documents. A laptop perched on top of all these prevented the papers from blowing away in the draft caused by the open window. This mess spilled over the small room and onto the counter that separated the kitchen area from the rest of the room. The coffee table composed one of the few pieces of furniture that were in the room along with a small bed under the street-facing window, a worn couch, a table with a strange-looking box on it, some seats at the kitchen counter and a rather dead looking pot plant.

Satoshi deposited Daisuke's suitcase on the floor amongst all this. "Oh, by the way, there's a shared bathroom down the hall with showers and so on," he pointed towards the end of the corridor. Daisuke nodded vaguely, not really that aware of where Satoshi was pointing to.

"I really am sorry I didn't get time to clean up before you came, but work has just been so…" Satoshi sighed, running his hand through his hair absent-mindedly as he surveyed the wreckage that was his apartment, as if properly for the first time, "…hectic."

"T-that's ok," Daisuke was still unmoved from the doorway, taking in the chaos of his friend's life. He didn't want to move for fear he would step on something. Suddenly he looked up. "Hey, isn't it dangerous to leave the window open while you're gone? I mean, someone could climb up the fire escape and get in."

Satoshi closed the door behind Daisuke, looking at him as if he'd never considered the thought before. He shrugged. "Well, Yuki has to get in and out somehow."

"Yuki?" Daisuke looked quizzically at the calm boy who now walked into the kitchen to switch on the kettle before dropping his satchel in a corner that didn't look too occupied by clutter.

"Hm? Oh, she's a stray cat who comes up here sometimes. I decided that if she was going to keep coming back, I'd better give her a name so I called her Yuki." That explains the random bowl of milk on the floor, Daisuke thought. "Coffee?"

"No thanks. You really shouldn't be so addicted to that stuff, you know," Daisuke leaned on the bench, frowning in a concerned way, "But tea would be nice thanks."

"Ever the philosophising art student, ne? Telling everyone how to live their lives," Satoshi smirked, flicking off the kettle, "You are very much looking the part of a Fine Arts student, I must say."

Daisuke puzzled for a moment before looking down at his clothes. Besides his hat, he was wearing his favourite paint-splattered jeans, a printed t-shirt under an open white shirt and a loose tie.

"It's a little eccentric, I admit. But it is comfortable…and you can't say it's not fashionable," Satoshi gave him a playful, dubious look, "Well at least I don't look like a men-in-black wannabe FBI agent, police officer thingy!"

He paused, glaring at Satoshi before bursting into laughter. "Ok, that sounded really stupid."

"How on earth am I going to live with you for a month?" Satoshi shook his head over the mugs he put down on the bench.

"Don't know but you're stuck with me. Thanks again for having me," he received a mug gratefully. "Actually, it was a friend of mine at university who did the design for this shirt." He pulled at the t-shirt, regarding the black pattern that swirled across it. "He's a pretty cool guy."

"Really?" Satoshi raised an eyebrow critically, surveying the shirt as he leaned against the bench. "It's quite good...for a print."

If Daisuke didn't know his friend so well, he would have sworn that there was a spark of jealousy in his eyes but that couldn't be. Why would Satoshi be jealous of some other guy's artwork? It wouldn't be as good as anything a Hikari could create. Daisuke quickly shook himself mentally as he realised he was staring.

He eyed the one bed in the room scrambling for another topic. "Anyway, are you thinking I'm going to sleep on the floor?" he asked playfully.

"No," Satoshi replied with his usual practicality, "You can have the bed. The couch doubles as a quite comfortable bed as well so I'll sleep there," he said, walking over to the odd box on the table.

"Are you sure? I really don't mind sleeping on the couch. After all, you're the one who's still working," Daisuke insisted.

"Yes, but you're my guest," Satoshi had opened the box, which revealed a round sort of black plate. He paused for a moment, "Besides, it hopefully makes up for the fact that this place is…"

"Lovely? Pretty? Very large?"

Satoshi stared at Daisuke and habitually moved his hand towards his face to push glasses that no longer existed further up his nose. Noticing his action, he quickly moved his hand to subtly push stray hair out of his face. Only Daisuke would have noticed this, though this never occurred to him.

"A dump was the adequate description I was searching for."

Daisuke giggled in a way that, Satoshi noted, was entirely unique to him and, dare he say it, rather feminine. He'd never really noticed that before.

"What on earth is that anyway?" the red-head was now beside him eagerly looking at the odd contraption.

"A record player." Satoshi responded, carefully placing the needle onto a black disc.

"Record player," Daisuke echoed before pulling a strange, puzzled face, "Why do you have one?"

"Cheap and so are the records." He released the needle, leaving it sitting lightly atop the record which began to spin and fill the room with the sound of a piano. The music had that crackling background sound that old music tends to have. Satoshi shrugged. "I think they're interesting."

_There are many, many crazy things  
That will keep me loving you._

"I forget how weird you are." Daisuke gave his friend a beaming smile before going back to his tea which was quickly going cold. The older boy just mumbled something under his breath while collecting his coffee again and retreating to the sunshine of the window.

_And with your permission  
May I list a few…_

As he sat at the kitchen bench and watched Satoshi, who was lounging against the windowsill, Daisuke realised that he was able for the first time to really observe his friend. Physically he still looked the same, neither of them had aged much in a year, yet at the same time there was something different about Satoshi.

_The way you wear your hat  
The way you sip your tea_

His hair was the same colour it had always been, but in the light of the sun, it looked somewhat dull and lifeless. The boy had dark circles under his eyes that Daisuke hadn't seen since Krad had inhabited his body and pushed it to its limits.

_The memory of all that  
No, no they can't take that away from me._

Besides this, Satoshi was still the same young man that Daisuke remembered seeing off at the train station a year ago. It was still odd to see him without glasses, he was so used to it, but Satoshi had no need of them here. There was no one left to fool. And though his glasses were gone, his conservative fashion sense had obviously never left him. Jeans and thin grey jumper with the sleeves rolled up – how imaginative, Daisuke thought and smiled to himself, glad his friend had not changed as much as he thought he might have.

_The way your smile just beams  
The way you sing off key_

"Do I really look much different to when you last saw me?" Daisuke startled at the question.

"I hate how you do that," Daisuke scrunched his face up in a childish way.

"Do what?" Satoshi leaned back against the windowsill, an amused look playing across his face. He cradled his mug carefully in his hands, feet tucked up against the other edge of the window keeping him in balance.

"Read my mind. It's creepy," he joked. As soon as the words had left his mouth, he could hear the echo of Dark's voice in his head, mocking 'creepy-boy'. Suddenly he was overwhelmed with a wave of nostalgia and longing for his other half.

_The way you haunt my dreams  
No, no they can't take that away from me._

Satoshi recognised the change that swept across the red-head's face but looked the other way, trying to ignore rising memories of the past. Too many were raised from the dust already with Daisuke being here. This is what Satoshi had known would happen when Daisuke came to visit, but it was a price worth paying to see the boy again. Somehow, it had been so busy that he hadn't realised how much he had missed him.

We may never, never meet again, on that bumpy road to love  
Still I'll always, always keep the memory of…

Suddenly their reveries were broken by the sight of a small and lithe cat jumping from seemingly nowhere onto Satoshi's lap.

"Hello, Yuki. What are you doing around here, hm?" Satoshi asked the kitten affectionately, petting it with one hand whilst holding his mug steady in the other.

Daisuke gave his friend a quizzical look, "You named your cat, which is black by the way, yuki? Why?"*

"It's meant to be…ironic, I suppose. It just seemed to suit her. She's very cute, ne?" Satoshi looked up and his warm smile extended to Daisuke, who had conveniently forgotten how much he liked it when Satoshi smiled like that.

"She is," Daisuke walked over and tentatively reached out a hand to pet the small animal, "She's not evil is she? I mean, she's not going to claw me or anything…"

"No, she's quite harmless, I assure you," Satoshi chuckled at the nervous look on his friend's face. Considering he'd had a magical rabbit-looking pet for so many years that could shape shift when called upon, Satoshi was surprised and entertained to friend his friend might be afraid of a kitten.

"I never thought you would ever have a pet." Yuki seemed very content to bask in the sun and be the centre of attention, as Daisuke carefully petted her.

_The way you hold your knife  
The way we danced till three_

"Well, she sort of just walked into my life…much like someone else I know," Satoshi looked up at the boy through his fringe mischievously and Daisuke was suddenly struck by the urge to paint the scene in front of him. It was aesthetically a very interesting one – a man with blue hair curled up with a cat in the window, bathed in morning sunlight with a grey city beyond – but it was the warmth of the scene that struck Daisuke. He hadn't seen his friend look so happy since…he couldn't remember.

"This place is one of endless oddities…" Daisuke mumbled.

"Well, I'm terribly sorry about that," Satoshi chuckled, stroking the purring cat, "But you'll just have to get used to it for the next month."

"Yeah…" Daisuke sighed. He gazed through the open window, into the sunlight of the day, ignoring the endless sound of the traffic and the trains, and smiled. A whole month.

_The way you changed my life  
No they can't take that away from me._

* * *

A/N:  
I know nothing about Tokyo and the city layout or public transport so don't shoot me. This is all purely fictional. And I don't actually hate Arts students either, mainly because I am one, which is why I haven't posted anything for such a long time which is shocking! Also, it became difficult because I re-formulated how I wanted this story to go about a million times. But I think I have a plan now and some holidays, which hopefully means more updates. Hoorah.

You may have noticed that this story is meant to be intertwined with jazz music, which are the lyrics, so I promise they're not there randomly but for a reason. And if you've ever heard these songs, the mood of the chapter is meant to reflect them rather.

Anyway, I hope you are all enjoying it so far and thank you so much for your reviews~! ^_^

*Yuki, when translated to English, means snow.

_They Can't Take That Away From Me_ – Ella Fitzgerald, though words vary with the many different renditions of the song by different artists


	3. I Get a Kick Out of You

Disclaimer: I do not own DN Angel or anything associated with it. Yukiru Sugisaki does.

**The Very Thought of You**

Chapter 2: I Get a Kick Out of You

* * *

_My story is much to sad to be told,  
But practically everything leaves me totally cold.  
The only exception I know is the case…_

He was standing in another art gallery regarding the artworks with an air of nonchalance, a sketchpad in one hand and a pencil dangling lazily from the other. It was the fifth major gallery he had visited that week and he was quite sure he was running through the places that Satoshi had kindly circled for him on a map far too quickly. But really, there had been nothing much else to do all week.

Daisuke sighed and seated himself on one of the art deco benches in the centre of the room, eyes still wandering over the pieces on the wall in front of him. He flipped through his sketchbook, already knowing what was there. The galleries he had visited, make no mistake, had been quite interesting and had given him a lot of inspiration but in truth, they were only the secondary reason for his visit. What he really wanted to do was spend time with his friend, but with Satoshi still working for the entire time he was here, this seemed unlikely.

He had no idea what his friend's job actually entailed though, which wasn't really his fault seeing as Satoshi was not the most communicative person he knew. But in the past week he'd discovered that his friend led a much more enigmatic life than he had supposed in the first place. His job demanded him at all hours of the day, and night, never letting him be at peace for long. Daisuke was slowly getting used to the phone calls in the middle of the night, which woke him even though Satoshi's phone was silent and the older boy tried to be quiet whilst leaving. Daisuke got the feeling he was intruding upon Satoshi's life, interrupting the strange rhythm that seemed to exist. He let the pages of his sketchbook fall softly from his hand.

_When I'm out on a quiet spree, fighting vainly the old ennui  
And I suddenly turn and see…_

"Is the art in Tokyo really that boring?" a quiet yet arch voice came from beside him. You could almost sense the sarcastic smile in his words before even seeing his face.

Daisuke turned and beamed at his blue-haired friend who had managed to slip into the seat beside him unnoticed. "No, it's not boring at all. It's fantastic."

His enthusiasm was rewarded with a small smile from Satoshi, who then immediately turned his attention back to the artwork in front of them. They were in a post-modern gallery and the piece before them was a canvas covered in fake white feathers which stuck out at odd angles, and which was splattered with paint that closely resembled blood. It was entitled _An Arch Angel's Fall from Grace_.

Satoshi looked disconcerted for a moment before recalling himself, "Shall we go?"

"Sure. I'm finished here," Daisuke collected his bag from the seat, stowing his drawing materials inside before following his companion towards the door, "Ne Satoshi-kun, how did you know I would be here?"

Satoshi paused, turning slightly towards Daisuke, another smile playing across his lips, "I'm psychic…and, if I recall correctly, you did tell me this morning." He shook his head slightly in an affectionate manner, blue strands covering his eyes as he continued on his way, the younger boy in tow.

_Your fabulous face._

* * *

Well, perhaps he'd exaggerated when he said there had been nothing to do all week and that he hadn't seen Satoshi. He'd seen him occasionally at dinner time, though more often than not Satoshi simply didn't eat but had coffee instead, which would explain his incredible thinness and the dark circles under his eyes. Daisuke had once again turned into the chiding mother that he'd been to Satoshi during school, and he couldn't quite tell if his friend appreciated it or not. When they had gone out for dinner on Wednesday night with Satoshi's friends though had satisfied Daisuke to some extent that his friend (a) was not alone (b) actually did eat food and (c) could possibly be normal despite everything.

_I get no kick from champagne,  
Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all…_

It had been as spontaneous as everything else in Satoshi's life appeared to be. Daisuke was sitting at Satoshi's place reading, when he'd come back from work and asked if Daisuke would like to go out. Luckily Daisuke had an eager and friendly personality because the implication was that he didn't really have much choice anyway. And once he'd met Satoshi's friends, he rather understood why.

How had his friend – his quiet, unassuming, polite Satoshi – ended up with such odd, boisterous friends?

They had met them at an unpretentious looking sushi bar down a small laneway in the heart of the city. Though Satoshi hadn't been here long and didn't seem to have much time, it appeared to Daisuke that he had already discovered much of the city anyway. He greeted his friends warmly, if not as enthusiastically as they greeted him. It seemed as though they respected the young mana great deal. Daisuke was then introduced to Keiko Hanaka, a softly spoken young woman with straight jet black hair and piercing eyes of the same colour; Ryou Otoya, a young man with bright blonde hair who seemed to constantly be grinning or laughing, such was his disposition; Ikkaku Narushi, who everyone simply called Iku, had a deep voice that almost defied human hearing and drank an alarming amount without any effect; Saaya Sakimi, who seemed younger than the rest, probably around Daisuke's own age, and whose high-pitched laugh was most unusual.

And last of all Hikaru Tsukimi, whom intrigued him the most and seemed to be quite close to Satoshi. She was the most flamboyant, he thought, with purple streaks flying through her cropped black hair which was almost as gravity-defying as his own. Whereas Keiko was sleekly dressed all in black and Saaya in a much more feminine pale pink dress, Hikaru wore army camouflage pants tucked into large black boots and a military style black jacket. A red motorcycle helmet was tucked firmly next to her bag, and tattoos ran up and down her arms, one just visible at her neck. She smiled a great deal and instantly Daisuke felt he would like her very much.

_So tell me why should it be true?  
That I get a kick out of you._

It had been probably the most interesting and fun dinner that Daisuke had seen in a long time. Not to mention delicious too, but it's all relative to personal taste anyway. He found that all of Satoshi's companions were from his commanding team except for Keiko, whom he'd met at an art show that happened to be hers, which probably explained why they all drank a great deal. Daisuke was slowly getting the impression that their job was not something that anyone wanted to do, but that it simply had to be done and then forgotten about as quickly as possible.

Despite their odd ways, Daisuke quickly gathered why Satoshi had befriended the people seated around him at the table. All of them, even Iku-kun who spoke very little, were friendly and open, happy to meet someone new from a place they'd never even heard of. They seemed genuine and in an odd way, rather sensible. For awhile Daisuke felt as though he were under fire with all the questions directed at him, but he decided it must have just been friendly curiosity. They obviously didn't meet people from out of town much, and none have them had ever really left Tokyo or lived anywhere else.

He'd been seated across from Hikaru, and between Satoshi and Saaya. The latter was in deep conversation with Ryou, who laughed at everything she said though her tone never changed and Daisuke wasn't so sure that what she was saying was meant to be funny. But perhaps good food and a couple of glasses of wine make everything funny. Daisuke, at any rate, feel much more at ease than before. On his other side, Satoshi was eating quietly, he and Iku nodding every now and then at what Hikaru was saying. Daisuke was quite amazed by her – there was seemingly less and less food on her plate though he was unsure when she consumed it since her mouth never stopped moving.

On the odd occasion she actually paused a moment, Daisuke asked curiously, "Tsukimi-san-"

She interrupted him by holding up a hand, "Hikaru-san, please. Don't make me feel old, because that would mean I'd have to have some sense kicked into me." Daisuke felt Satoshi bite back on his laughter and wondered if it were some sort of personal joke. The table they were sitting at was rather small, chairs all pushed together as they were to make room in the cluttered restaurant, and Daisuke could feel every one of Satoshi's movements. The place was stuffy and hot, and the wine was heightening his senses. The tingling sensation that ran along his arm, which was pushed against the older boy's, was becoming uncomfortable.

"Ah, Hikaru-san, are the tattoos on your arms the only ones you have? What do they mean?" he asked curiously, focusing his attention back on the girl in front of him. She'd removed her jacket some time ago, and wearing only a white singlet top, all her many tattoos were on display. And there were many of them. Daisuke was fascinated, she was like a living, walking artwork.

"The only one?! Ha! Oh, you're such a sweetheart. I can understand why Satoshi-kun thinks you're such a gorgeous little friend," she laughed. Daisuke was thrown by her last comment, but wasn't sure if she actually meant that or whether it was just her way of speaking. He had a feeling it was the latter but was thankful anyway that it was so hot he didn't look like he was blushing.

"Well, these two twining roses on this arm," she started, pointing towards her right arm where stunning red roses bloomed while their thorns trailed blood just as dark, "They represent my two twin sisters – this one is Aiko and this one is Asako."

"Now you've got her started," Satoshi mumbled to him, leaning over closer to his face. Daisuke laughed nervously, nodding some sort of agreement. In truth, he was quite fascinated but was somewhat distracted by Satoshi's proximity.

"Oh God, she's not going on about her damn tattoos again, is she?" Ryou leaned over and joined their conversation in a feigned exasperated manner.

"Daisuke-kun asked," she declared in mock shock at everyone's protests, "You guys don't have to listen, but maybe this sweet little boy wants to." Perhaps it is just the way she speaks, Daisuke thought to himself dryly.

"Anyway Daisuke-kun," she smiled back at him before turning around and pushing back her hair to reveal another tattoo at the base of her neck, "This is a treble clef, dedicated to my love of music. Oh and this one here," she pointed to a beautiful black sparrow on the inside of her wrist, "This is to remind me to always seek freedom and not the cage. And on my other arm, this is…this is a fantasy world I suppose." Her left arm was a spectacular mixture of colour; a long flower wound up her arm, blooming at the top of her shoulder, and around it were intricate, colourful butterflies and stars between the green offshoots of the flower.

She leaned over to speak to him softly, "But the best one is…"

"Oh no, don't," Satoshi interrupted. She smiled at him wickedly. He rolled his eyes, knowing objection was useless. Suddenly, Hikaru stood up in her chair, turned around and lifted up the back of her top. Daisuke was, needless to say, stunned not only by her action but by the rainbow coloured angel wings that spread across her entire back. They looked so…realistic yet were obviously the height of fantasy.

"Wow," was as much as he could manage in terms of speech. Satoshi shifted uncomfortably in the chair beside him. If only she knew how ironic that was for him, Daisuke thought suddenly.

Sitting down again, Hikaru grinned at him mischievously, "That's my favourite one. Took ages to get it done, so painful but so worth it. I've always wanted to fly, be an angel with wings but that's as close as I'll ever get." Daisuke just gaped at her. "Oh, and if I put my hands together, what does it say?" Obviously enjoying this, she clenched her fists, placing her hands together so that her knuckles and the backs of her fingers aligned.

Daisuke smiled and read out the characters that were engraved there, "Peace, dream, love, life."

"That's the philosophy I live by darling." She pulled out a cigarette, placing it between her dark lips. She clicked the lighter in her hands, "It's the only philosophy to live by in this crazy world."

* * *

_Some get a kick from cocaine,  
I'm sure that if I took even one sniff,  
That would bore me terrifically too.  
But I get a kick out of you._

That reminded Daisuke of the second morning he'd gotten up, Tuesday morning it must have been, to find Satoshi nowhere in the room. Blinking, he was rather confused as to where the blue-haired boy had gone. At this point he was still quite unaware of his habit of randomly disappearing for work and turning up twelve hours later, but at any rate Satoshi had promised he'd be here this morning to show Daisuke around.

Getting out of bed, he quickly made it neat and pulled a jumper on over his t-shirt. Walking into the kitchen he flicked on the kettle, yawning and stretching his arms as he stood waiting. Strangely, he felt as if someone were watching him. A quick look around for Yuki, who he thought would be the likely suspect, proved futile but a flash of blue caught his eye.

"Good morning," Satoshi calmly said from the fire escape whilst Daisuke almost managed to jump out of his skin in fright.

"Satoshi-kun! What are you doing here? I thought you'd left…" he trailed off, realising how unobservant and stupid that comment seemed.

"I promised to be here, didn't I?" he raised an eyebrow, regarding Daisuke in an amused fashion.

_I get a kick every time I see you standing there before me._

Unlike Daisuke, who was in a worn jumper and pyjama pants, Satoshi was already ready for the day in jeans and a nice shirt. The morning sunlight highlighted his hair, and gave a sort of warm glow to his body. Daisuke was suddenly struck, as he so often was, by an image of him standing there next to Satoshi, enveloped in the warmth of his arms. He shook his head fiercely, dispelling the image.

_I get a kick though it's clear to see,  
You obviously do not adore me._

"Are you quite alright?" Satoshi asked patiently, putting the cigarette to his lips again. Daisuke stuttered for a moment…wait…cigarette??

"S-satoshi-kun! You shouldn't smoke, it's bad for your health! And since when did you smoke anyway?" Daisuke asked incredulously. He'd deflected the question nicely but was truly in shock at what he saw. He'd never suspected that his friend would adopt such a stupid and dangerous habit.

But the boy simply shrugged and turned back to the morning. Daisuke scowled at him, ignoring the click of the kettle indicating it had boiled. He walked over the window, leaning against the frame.

"Sato-kun," he pleaded in a low tone. This had always worked in the past and today was no different. Satoshi always seemed to feel guilty when Daisuke used that voice, and that name. Perhaps he realised that Daisuke never called him by that name unless he was either incredibly angry or incredibly happy.

He turned towards him, stubbing out the cigarette on the filthy brick wall. "I know it's bad for you but work got stressful." He shrugged again, and Daisuke knew that was all he would get out of him. Turning back to the kitchen, and the kettle, he was suddenly in no mood to talk to his friend. Satoshi stepped back through the window, pausing to sit on the edge of the sill.

"I'm sorry but I got a call and can't show you around this morning. I've left you a map and circled the art galleries on it. Hopefully you can find your way around," he said somewhat in consolation. Daisuke shrugged, and Satoshi sighed. Picking up his coat and keys, he headed towards the door resignedly, "Have a good day."

"Whatever." Daisuke would not look at him. Satoshi closed the door a little harder than he needed to. Daisuke abruptly realised how immature that was of him and immediately regretted it. He rushed to the door, opening it only to find the cold, empty corridor. "Damn it!"

* * *

It was that same day that Daisuke had cleaned the apartment. Feeling guilty about his earlier actions and not wanting to live in what could accurately be described as a squalor, he set about tidying. It took him the greater part of the day, and the place certainly looked much more Spartan once he'd finished, but listening to one of Satoshi's records as he cleaned made it more enjoyable.

_I get no kick in a plane.  
Flying too high with some guy in the sky…_

He didn't really understand many of the lyrics. It was all in English and Daisuke hadn't practiced his English skills since leaving school. But the music was generally pleasant, and what he did catch of it was similarly agreeable. They all seemed to be love songs, which was odd considering Satoshi wasn't someone who was overly sentimental…or was he? Daisuke wasn't so sure anymore. He'd seen a different side of the boy he'd known so long since he'd gotten here. It had only been twenty four hours or so but it had been enough for Daisuke to notice that there was something different about Satoshi. He was more confident; even though he'd always seemed that way, Daisuke knew that really he was one of the most timid and fragile people he knew, too afraid to trust and too afraid to love. At least, that's why Daisuke assumed he'd never gone out with anyone.

He also seemed more…'human' was the only word Daisuke could think of to describe it. What was it to be human though? Was it to be weak, strong, able to make mistakes, then to laugh them off? He didn't know why he used that word to describe Satoshi, but at the moment it seemed to fit him perfectly.

_Is my idea of nothing to do.  
Yet I get a kick out of you._

He waited out the rest of the afternoon in boredom, sometimes reading, sometimes sketching. Yuki, who had watched him clean the apartment from the windowsill with much interest, was curled up on the couch. She nuzzled up against him occasionally, demanding attention. He stroked her black fir disinterestedly, watching the door.

The place seemed much brighter with nothing lying around on the floor and papers no longer strewn all over the place but in neat piles on the coffee table. The kitchen had been in need of some serious cleaning as well, and not to mention some stocking but Daisuke felt he had better wait and ask Satoshi about that. Besides he had no idea where to go to buy groceries.

"Well, at least I'll get some of that reading done for uni," he muttered to Yuki, who simply stared back at him blankly. She mewed, and Daisuke wondered where Satoshi stored her food.

After several hours he could no longer bear to read any more about the history of pop art and how it was influenced by various artists that Daisuke assumed were all seriously high or needed their head examined. He looked at his watch and sighed. Seven o'clock. Suddenly the rusty door handle screeched as someone turned it.

Satoshi paused at the threshold, surveying the room as if it had been hit by a bomb though quite the opposite had occurred really. He blinked, looked at Daisuke and back to the floor. The clean floor.

"You wasted your time cleaning my place?" he asked sceptically.

"You could say thanks," Daisuke quipped.

"Thank you," Satoshi said, his voice more earnest and less severe now as he closed the door behind him. "I didn't mean to offend you, I just didn't want you to feel like you had to clean up."

"Well, we couldn't very well live like that now could we. I'm an artist and even my life isn't that messy," Daisuke joked, wishing to dispel the earlier tension.

_Yet I get a kick out of you._

Satoshi smiled sincerely, the warmth of it reaching his deep blue eyes, his gratitude evident.

* * *

Currently it was Saturday; Satoshi had left at six o'clock that morning due to an urgent phone call, Yuki was making a cocoon in the blankets on Daisuke's bed and Daisuke himself was sitting in front of a blank canvas, paintbrush in hand.

_I get a kick every time I see you standing there before me._

But reflecting on his first week in Tokyo hadn't really got him far with his painting this morning. He had in fact been sitting in that same position for about an hour, no inspiration coming at all, only distracting thoughts.

_I get a kick though it's clear to see,_

Sighing, he put the paintbrush between his teeth, running his hands through his hair. For him, there was only one person in the entire universe who was this distracting, and Daisuke just happened to be staying with him whilst needing to get at least seven works done during the holidays.

His mobile began to ring, waking him from his reverie.

_You obviously don't adore me._

"Moshi moshi?" he asked, not even looking at the caller, assuming it was probably his mother making sure he wasn't dead. She still hadn't quite got over his going to stay with the 'enemy', who was no longer the enemy, for four weeks.

"Care to see Hikaru-san's tattoos all over again?" a voice came from the other end, mocking yet kind.

Daisuke smiled just to hear his voice. "Sure, why not?"

_Yes, I get a kick out of you._

* * *

A/N:  
Is Hikaru a girl's name? Probably not but I'm going to use it anyway. I had to look up a website to find names because I seriously struggle with them. Do I know anything about Tokyo? Absolutely not, but hey I'm running out of options. So please bear with my mistakes, it's all for the sake of a story.

I hope this is long enough to make up for terrible updating skills! . Plus, covering an entire week in one chapter took a bit longer than I thought it would. Sorry if skipping around confuses anyone, but it's all just Daisuke sitting there thinking back on his week, so the memories are leading on, one to another.

Also, if there are any spelling/grammar mistakes, please let me know. I wanted to post this as soon as I could, so I haven't really done a proper check. Terrible of me really but it's late and I need sleep. Edit: I've fixed it up a bit and reposted.

Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews~! :) What would I do without you guys.

I Get a Kick Out of You – Ella Fitzgerald, lyrics may have be moved around to suit my own evil devices


	4. Let's Fall in Love

Disclaimer: I do not own DN Angel or anything associated with it. Yukiru Sugisaki does.

**The Very Thought of You**

Chapter 3: Let's Fall in Love

* * *

A bright but chill Monday morning saw Daisuke still sitting in front of a canvas that was propped unsteadily upon an old easel which he'd borrowed from Keiko. He hadn't brought his own assuming that Satoshi would still have his, even if he didn't have enough time to paint. But when asked, Satoshi said something vaguely about it being sold or thrown out. Daisuke didn't particularly remember, mainly because Satoshi had been so unclear that he couldn't really be sure what had happened to it in the end. Not that it mattered now.

At least the canvas was no longer blank, as it had been for the last couple of days. A light pencil sketch covered it, with paint already filling parts and beginning to spread slowly to the rest of the canvas. The canvas was square and of a medium size, sitting comfortably on the easel. Thank goodness for Keiko-san or else I wouldn't have got any work done while here, Daisuke thought. He pushed the other distractions that were hindering his work, namely the presence of a certain blunette, out of his mind.

"Can I see what you're painting?" Satoshi asked with interest, trying to peer around the edge of the easel. But Daisuke was quicker. He pushed Satoshi away gently, shaking his head.

"No!" he realised his voice was a little severe. Softening it, he continued, "No, you can't see it yet. I-it's not finished."

"But I always enjoy seeing your works in progress," Satoshi complained lightly, not wanting to push Daisuke too much. He knew that Daisuke still wasn't too happy with him smoking all the time and didn't want to make the boy sulky again.

"I don't want you to see this one until it's finished," Daisuke lied, secretly knowing that he never wanted Satoshi to see this painting.

Satoshi shrugged, nodding his assent, "Okay, I'll wait to see it. I'm off to work then."

"See you later," the red-head called to a retreating back. Satoshi lifted his hand in an acknowledging goodbye before closing the door behind him.

_I have a feeling, it's a feeling I'm concealing - I don't know why,  
It's just a mental, incidental, sentimental alibi._

Daisuke looked at the canvas which was slowly beginning to depict Satoshi lounging in the windowsill petting Yuki, who was curled up on his lap, as the morning sunlight filtered in behind them. It was the image he'd seen the first morning he was here. It was emblazoned in his mind and he needed to free it, to let it jump onto the canvas. There was much work still to do, more details to add. The background outside the window was just a flat colour at the moment, requiring bricks, graffiti and depth to be added. Satoshi and Yuki themselves had yet to be painted fully and there was no light in play as of yet.

Daisuke's style was highly realistic, using oil paints to re-create life and required a great deal of skill and time. He could see the vision in his mind, but it would take another day or two, at least, if he worked steadily to get the thing completed. And he liked to leave his works for a couple of days before returning for the final touch-up. Mistakes were much easier to spot that way.

_But I adore you, so strong for you.  
Why go on stalling, I am falling, love is calling - why be shy?_

He heaved a sigh, wiping his hands absentmindedly on his paint-stained jeans. Satoshi was never, ever going to see this. Not if Daisuke could help it anyway. He'd often painted the boy in the past, but Satoshi had never seen any of those paintings either. Not that there were so many of them, he reasoned.

"Who am I kidding?" he asked out loud to seemingly no one. Yuki looked at him oddly from her position high up on the kitchen bench. Daisuke had painted the older boy incessantly during highschool, trying to capture those moments, those looks that, for him, defined Satoshi. Probably half of his private folio consisted of paintings or drawings, finished and rough, of the blue-haired boy.

I'm a damn love-struck fool, he thought. A damned fool.

* * *

_Let's fall in love.  
Why shouldn't we fall in love?_

Was this a dream, or was it reality? He couldn't quite tell the difference between the two anymore except he knew that while he was sometimes happy in dreams, in reality, he was sitting in the lonesome boat of unrequited love and didn't that just have the slightest tinge of bitterness to it. Whereas here, it was different. Here it was…where exactly was here?

Daisuke looked around. He was standing in the middle of a clearing in a strange looking forest, filled with low trees and darkness. He felt strangely alone and frightened, scanning the bushes surrounding him with a wary eye. There was a dirt path beneath his feet which contrasted strikingly with the lush green grass that hedged it. He was vaguely aware that everything was in vivid, almost surreal, colours. Daisuke felt like crying and wasn't quite sure why. He felt exhausted, as if he had already experienced many trials and tribulations which had left him at his wit's edge. And he was lost. He had the strange feeling he was trying to find someone, though he couldn't for the life of him remember who, but the path in front of him diverged in five different directions and he couldn't decide which way to go.

"Oh, what am I going to do now?" he huffed, looking from path to path. Sitting down on a log that appeared on the side of the path, he put his head in his hands. After sitting like that for what seemed an eternity, but could have only been a few moments, he heard someone singing in the distance. Looking up, he couldn't see anyone even though the sound was getting closer and closer. "Hello, is anyone there?" he called out into the resounding darkness.

"Nobody understands," the voice which was singing was deep but playful. Weird, Daisuke thought, considering the words were quite sad, "Lost, I don't have a destination today either."

And oddly enough, they mirrored exactly what Daisuke was feeling, which frankly pissed him off a bit because it sounded like this non-entity was mocking him.

"Who are you?" he called out again but there was noting but the trees. "Where are you?"

"Why, my dear boy, I'm right behind you," and indeed the voice came from directly behind him. Daisuke spun around, getting up quickly. Sitting lightly upon the tree branch that was just above Daisuke's eye level was a white cat with blue stripes and bright blue eyes, which had a slightly mad look to them. He had an enormous grin that seemed to fill his entire face. "Now, how can I help you, Daisuke?"

"Who are you? How do you know my name?" Daisuke blurted out, still rather stunned by the cat's appearance. And the fact that the cat was now standing on its hind legs, leaning against the tree. Oh, and talking. To him. Yes, I'm still sane, Daisuke reasoned.

"Oh, I know everything here. Because, my dear, I am the Cheshire cat. I know all, I see all," as he said this last part, the cat grabbed his own eyes, pulling them away from his head and balancing them on his fingers. He spun them agilely on his fingertips before returning them to their sockets. Daisuke should have felt at least faintly repulsed by this, but did not question it.

"Can you tell me which way I ought to go then?" Daisuke asked.

"Why yes, but that depends," the cat was now standing on its head, but not in the way you would think. It had actually detached its own head and was currently standing on it as if it were a ball of some sort.

"On what?" Daisuke looked at the cat in a confused manner.

"On where you want to go of course," the Cheshire cat replied as if this were the most obvious thing in the world.

"But I don't know where I want to go. I'm lost. I'm looking for…" Daisuke trailed off, realising that he didn't know who or what he was actually looking for.

"The White Rabbit?" the cat suggested usefully, the large smile never leaving his face. It was a bit of a menacing smile, Daisuke thought.

"Oh yes! Him!" he couldn't remember why he wanted to find this white rabbit but it was somehow important.

"Well, he went that way," the cat suggested again, seemingly pointing in two different directions before deciding on one.

"He did?" Daisuke asked hopefully.

"He did what?" the cat suddenly looked bemused by the red-head's question.

"Went that way?" Daisuke said impatiently, pointing in the direction the cat had shown him.

"Who?" the cat opened his arms in a questioning gesture.

"The White Rabbit!" Daisuke said, rather annoyed now at the cat's temporary loss of memory.

"What rabbit?" the cat rolled backwards, and now Daisuke was unsure whether he was mocking him or not. He stamped his foot on the ground in frustration.

"Well, if I were you, I'd ask the Mad Hatter. Or possibly the March Hare." He pointed at a sign that had appeared out of nowhere, which clearly indicated one of the paths and had 'Mad Hatter' painted on it in big letters.

"But I don't want to ask someone who's mad," Daisuke insisted.

"Oh, you can't help that. You see, we're all a bit mad here…" as he said this, the cat started vanishing so that all that was left was his blue stripes and his large, haunting grin. Daisuke could hear his strange song echoing in the background. Sighing, he set off down the path towards the Mad Hatter.

That cat was so familiar. He knew that voice, knew that smile, that colour but everything here was so distorted. He swore he knew that cat, but from where?

Suddenly, looking up from the path he was following, Daisuke was stopped just in time before bumping into Satoshi who was standing serenely in the middle of the path.

"Oh Satoshi-kun! I almost bumped into you! What are you doing here?" he looked around and realised that they were no longer on a path in the middle of a forest but instead were standing in front of the fountain in his home town in Azumano. It was pelting down rain, dark grey clouds rolling across the sky. They were in the middle of a storm.

"I should be asking you that question." Satoshi was staring him down, his face emotionless and unchanging. It was unnerving and it was making Daisuke uncomfortable.

"Huh?" the younger boy was confused by Satoshi's intensity.

"What are you doing here, Daisuke? What are you doing here in my life?" Satoshi asked fiercely, his blue tail flicking out from behind him. One of his blue cat ears perched atop his head twitched in annoyance. Daisuke knew those eyes, knew that voice. "Why are you here?"

_Our hearts are made of it, let's take a chance,  
Why be afraid of it?_

Suddenly the ripping chords of a loud rock song blasted through his dream.

Daisuke woke with a start, breathing heavily. His heart raced so fast in his chest he could feel it literally thumping against his ribcage. He could hardly stutter out the question he wanted to ask, but it didn't matter since Satoshi pre-empted him.

"I'm sorry, but my neighbours are rather…well, they're nice people when they're not high," he apologised. He didn't really seem that fazed by the blasting music and loud bangs and crashes coming through the flimsy wall as he leaned back against the couch.

"A-are they okay?" Daisuke stammered, looking at the wall with uncertainty as what sounded like a plate smashed against it from the other side.

Satoshi shrugged, "They usually are. I'll check on them tomorrow morning. Hopefully they'll come down in an hour or so. Until then, there's not much we can do." He rubbed his eyes with his hands tiredly, obviously weary of the place he lived in. Or was he perhaps just tired of his insane life?

Daisuke thought he murmured something that sounded like "it's going to be a long night" but wasn't quite sure. God, that music was awful. It screeched and whined. Daisuke got up, dragging his feet softly across the room, reflecting silently on his strange dream. It had resembled the set of paintings he had done for a friend's theatre production which was an Alice in Wonderland theme. He had a feeling that the dream was mostly ridiculous but that the last part was somehow important…if only he could remember it. It lay just beyond the grasp of his mind, teasing him with foggy images that he couldn't quite make out.

"Do you want a cup of tea?" he asked Satoshi, flicking on the kettle.

"May as well since we're up," the other replied, picking up his phone to look at the time.

"What time is it anyway?" Daisuke asked, leaning against the bench.

"Three-forty in the morning," Satoshi sighed, placing the phone back on the coffee table before slumping against the couch again.

"You've got to be kidding me." He felt like hell. It seemed like no one ever got much sleep around this place and between the traffic, Satoshi's work and now the neighbours, Daisuke was starting to feel the effects. "Satoshi-kun, how are you not dead due to sleep deprivation?"

Satoshi was in no mood for humour though, even if Daisuke was semi-serious, and simply grunted in return, his head burrowed beneath a cushion.

_Let's close our eyes,  
And make our own paradise._

Daisuke placed the cups of tea carefully on the table. He sat down on the couch, moving Satoshi's legs aside with a push that prompted the other boy to come out from under the cushion with a noise of protest about the sudden invasion of space.

"Oh," he said abruptly, seeing the cup of tea in front of him. "Thanks," he added kindly.

"That's okay," Daisuke replied, though his words could hardly be heard over the noise from next door. "Do they do this a lot?"

"What?" Satoshi leaned closer to Daisuke, tea cradled in his hands, trying to make out what his friend was saying.

"I said, do they do this often?" Satoshi was so close that Daisuke's lips were almost grazing the side of his face. He could feel his own face heating up rapidly and couldn't help but think 'how does he not find this totally awkward?!' The other boy, unfazed by all of this, moved his head away again, shaking it slightly.

He shrugged, "Sometimes. But I haven't been here that long."

At this, Daisuke's interest piqued, "Really? You mean you were somewhere else before?"

"Yeah," Satoshi said nonchalantly, taking a sip of his tea.

"Where? Why did you move?" Daisuke asked rapidly.

Satoshi didn't answer, watching the small tendrils of steam rise from his mug. Suddenly he asked, "Are you enjoying your stay?"

Daisuke was thrown for a moment, but Satoshi had always been like this. Whatever he didn't want to answer, he didn't. Subject changing was not new to Daisuke who simply gave up, knowing he could try for a surprise attack of questions later.

"Yeah. It's been good," he smiled genuinely at the older boy, pulling his legs up onto the couch. It would be a long night.

_Little we know of it, still we can try,  
To make a go of it._

Daisuke blinked, the sunlight streaming through the window impossibly bright. He groaned, not wanting to get up, and snuggled further into the rug and the warmth that surrounded him. Something beside him shifted and a weight on his head that he hadn't noticed before became apparent. He blinked again, eyes glancing sideways. All he could see was pale skin and he realised that what he thought had been his pillow was actually Satoshi's shoulder which was he was nuzzled up against.

Daisuke's brain went into overdrive: Okay, okay, okay. Don't panic. We must have fallen asleep like this and not noticed. What's the last thing I remember? We had tea and we were talking and… argh! I can't remember. Ok, don't freak out Daisuke. Stay cool. Just close your eyes again and pretend you're asleep. Or maybe I should get up? Ah, I don't know!

The last suggestion of his brain, practical as it was, was also rather unhelpful as Satoshi's head was still resting on his and getting up would involve waking Satoshi up. He'll probably wake up soon anyway so why not make the best of it, the pragmatic part of Daisuke's brain reasoned.

_We might have been meant for each other,  
To be or not to be, let our hearts discover._

So, leaning into Satoshi, he closed his eyes again and let the warmth of sleep reclaim him.

* * *

_Let's fall in love,  
Why shouldn't we fall in love?_

To Daisuke, it still didn't feel like a holiday. He and Satoshi quickly fell back into the old pattern of living together peacefully which was how they'd spent most of their teenage years. Daisuke would sit there painting while Satoshi was reading or doing paperwork. Looking up from his task every now and then, Daisuke would marvel at how much it felt just like old times. The awkward gap that he was afraid would have formed between the two during Satoshi's long absence disappeared so quickly that Daisuke was unsure it had ever existed. There was something about their friendship, he decided, some closeness, some bond that spanned distances and time.

And yet, being back in Satoshi's presence was more excruciating than he had anticipated. He was overjoyed, in the genuine way only Daisuke could be, to see his friend again. And he was glad that there was no unease in their friendship. Yet, the old tension was still there. It too had not changed, even though Daisuke direly wished it had. In fleeting spare moments he would sigh, hang his head in his hands, breathe deeply and ask himself how the hell he still felt this way?! He thought a year away from the blue-haired boy would solve it, somehow make the situation better. He had hoped that, in that time, he would grow up and grow out of this…this ridiculous infatuation! It had begun in highschool when Daisuke had started noticing things about Satoshi that he hadn't noticed particularly before. His ever changing blue eyes, his soft hair, his rare smiles, his…no! I-I can't keep thinking about him this way! He's my best friend!

_Now is the time for it, while we are young  
Let's fall in love._

"Are you alright?" Daisuke realised he was staring at Satoshi across the bench, over dinner, one hand paused mid-way to his mouth.

"Ah? Yeah, I was just thinking," he said as calmly as possible whilst cursing himself inside.

"Indeed," Satoshi raised a sceptical eyebrow before turning back to dinner seemingly disinterested, "What about?"

"Ah. Um, nothing really," Daisuke laughed unevenly, noticing the bright spark in Satoshi's eye that let him know that the boy was interested, very interested. But instead he continued eating without questioning the other further.

And so, just like that, Daisuke once more suppressed the intense emotions of so many years. It probably wasn't as long as he imagined since he hadn't noticed the drastic change in his feelings _that_ long ago. But Satoshi's complete ignorance of Daisuke's concealed feelings and his usual presence in Daisuke's life made it painful enough to feel like a lifetime. Daisuke was so thankful that his friend didn't know. He was afraid of the reaction a confession or even a slight slip of his tongue would produce. Would he be repulsed by Daisuke? Never speak to him again? The thoughts were too awful to entertain.

Yet, a small voice of reason always nagged him in the back of his head, whispering to him that surely Satoshi must have noticed. He wasn't stupid, in fact, quite the opposite. He was observant and quick whilst Daisuke was not the most subtle person on the planet. He was just ignoring Daisuke's feelings because he didn't return them but was a kind friend, the red-head reasoned. It was as simple as that. Even knowing this to be highly likely, Daisuke would push the small voice to the back of his mind, never able to completely banish neither hope nor the pressing feeling on his chest.

Daisuke dearly hoped that, even if Satoshi did know, he would never mention it. Daisuke would rather live with false hope than none. For Satoshi's to reject him openly would be too much of a crushing blow for the boy who invested so much in emotions, hopes and dreams. And he was quite sure it would ruin their friendship, which he prized more highly than anything. Of course, the amiable boy had great friends back in Azumano, no doubt, but no friend would ever quite be like Satoshi.

_We might have been meant for each other,  
To be or not to be, let our hearts discover._

Being so close to the older boy brought all this crashing back to the surface whereas Daisuke had largely ignored it during Satoshi's absence. Except for those brief moments where he missed him terribly and was swamped by an intense wave of loneliness and futility that left him in tears, feeling pathetic that he could ever need someone that much. I don't want to feel like this, I don't want it to be like this, he would repeat to himself over and over. He drowned out these feelings and thoughts with anything he could – family, friends, his studies, part-time work, sport and other activities. Only sometimes would he indulge himself and actually call the boy whom he really wanted to talk to, pacing in front of the phone beforehand wondering whether he should or not.

But none of that was as excruciating as being near him again. It was so much more dangerous when he was in arms reach, the potential for Daisuke to forget himself so much greater. Another year gone, the smile on Satoshi's face when Daisuke had arrived, the warmth that filled Daisuke every time he saw that smile – all these things only led to one conclusion: he was more in love with that boy than ever, and it was killing him slowly.

_Let's fall in love._

* * *

A/N:  
This is taking awhile, yes, but I swear that this is a SatoxDai story, and it's getting there. Think of this as suspense along the way and please don't hurt me . Haha. Hopefully this chapter builds up Daisuke's feelings a bit more.

And yes, I have watched Alice in Wonderland recently which is why it appears as Daisuke's dream. And the lyrics the cat is singing in the dream are actually from the song Hajimari No Hi, which is one of the ending songs from the DN Angel anime.

**Thank you for all your reviews** – they are the encouragement that keeps me going ^_^

_Let's Fall in Love_ – Ella Fitzgerald, lyrics may vary depending on artist and may have been moved around a bit to fit the story

Hm, the delay in this is due to the fact I got distracted by a oneshot idea for Death Note and had to write it down before it became a fleeting memory. But I'm back on track now. And I decided to leave part of this chapter out because it seemed a lot longer on Word than it does now. Maybe I should have left it in, ah well. I'll put it in to the next chapter.

**EDIT:** Thank you to RhythmStickLunatic for pointing out that Daisuke actually lives in Azumano rather than Azumo as I've been calling it. Terribly sorry! Now I must go and correct all my mistakes... *sigh* I should have paid better attention in the first place.


	5. Let the Good Times Roll

Disclaimer: I do not own DN Angel or anything associated with it. Yukiru Sugisaki does.

**The Very Thought of You**

Chapter 4: Let the Good Times Roll

* * *

It wasn't until the end of the second week of his stay, verging closely on the third, that Daisuke saw where Satoshi worked. Unused to living with someone else, Satoshi was still in the habit of taking the only set of keys for the apartment to work. The few times it had happened before weren't a problem since Daisuke had been out all day or had noticed and, at Satoshi's bidding, simply left the door unlocked whilst gone. This slightly worried Daisuke but Satoshi seemed totally unconcerned. He highly doubted anyone would try to break in and if they did, well, it wasn't exactly that hard even if the door was locked so what was the point?

Everything of importance, Satoshi said, was at work. Daisuke did not doubt this since, in all the time he'd spent sitting in the apartment, he had not seen one object of sentiment or value to Satoshi. There were no photographs, nothing on the walls, no knick-knacks, no personal belongings really. Daisuke wondered where they'd all gone – they'd been in Satoshi's old apartment back in Azumano and so must exist, but were strangely absent here. Perhaps they were in storage.

Still, on this occasion, Daisuke thought he'd better get the keys from Satoshi rather than try and climb the fire escape and break in through the window. It wasn't particularly a very gentlemanly thing to do. He'd been at Keiko's gallery for most of the morning and though Satoshi had promised to leave the keys that day, there had been none on the kitchen bench that morning. And, of ourse, Daisuke had completely forgotten to leave the door unlocked when he left. He'd been rather in a rush, having promised to meet her so early.

Standing on the corner of two main roads in the city centre, cars and bikes whizzing past dangerously close, he dialled Satoshi's mobile number and held the phone to his ear, trying to block out the noise around him. It rang once. Twice. Several times.

"You've reached Commander Satoshi Hiwatari. I'm not available right now but leave-" Satoshi's recorded voice was cut off as Daisuke hung up. Even after all these years it was still strange to hear Satoshi referred to as a commander. He'd been one whilst hunting Dark and now he occupied the esteemed position once more but, to Daisuke, he was simply Satoshi, his best friend. He sighed, wondering what to do now. Abruptly, his phone began ringing, startling him. He was called away from his thoughts and back to the crowded street he was on.

"Hey Daisuke-kun, sorry I missed your call. It's about the house keys, right?" Satoshi's voice was rather rushed and Daisuke was afraid that he had interrupted his friend in the middle of something important. He also wondered at his friend's telepathy but, really, the only reason Daisuke would ring him during work was if he'd locked himself out. Satoshi surely would have deduced this.

"Heh, yeah. Sorry to bother you and all, but I thought I'd better get the keys rather than break in," he said awkwardly, not realising that his body language reflected how he felt even though he wasn't actually near the person he was talking to.

"Mm. No Otoya, we are not going to just barge in to the place," his voice faded for a moment as he answered someone's question in the background, "Sorry, Daisuke. I didn't mean to take the keys again. How did you like Keiko's art gallery? Interesting, ne? Otoya, stop being so rash. Could you go find Sakimi instead please?" Daisuke was beginning to get the feeling that he had definitely interrupted his friend. I wish he'd stop apologising, he thought distractedly, it's making me feel terrible; I'm the one who's bothering him.

"Uh yeah, good. Is this a bad time?" Daisuke asked, looking at all the people rushing around him. He wasn't sure he liked the pace of the city. In any case, it was very different from home.

"Not really. We've just been called in for an inspection somewhere so we're getting ready to leave. If I leave the keys at the front desk, you could come and collect them. Oh, Hikaru-san, there you are. Where are the others? No, I haven't," Satoshi alternated between talking to Daisuke and the people around him, and it was starting to confuse the red-head boy.

"Yeah, that sounds good. I'm on my way there now," Daisuke said though he was pretty sure that Satoshi wasn't listening anymore. He didn't blame him, although deep down he would say he was a little hurt by the abrupt manner in which Satoshi hung up. Looking up at the street sign, he was grateful for the directions he received from Keiko before he left. He knew he would end up having to go there, and it was quite possible he never would have found the Police Department without her help. She really was very lovely, if very quiet.

The building he ended up in front of was sleek and modern, mostly a glass and metal exterior, with 'Tokyo District Police Department' printed neatly on a plaque out the front. Well, at least that stops me from walking into the wrong building, Daisuke joked before realising that he was standing in front of a building, on a busy footpath, smiling dumbly to himself. Suddenly feeling self-conscious, he stepped through the automatic doors and into the pristine lobby. It was a rather overwhelming place, both in size and visually. Everything was in mute colours, there were people everywhere and the place was filled with light.

Daisuke approached what appeared to be the front desk and stood there unsurely in his tartan peak cap and white shirt complete with thin black tie and red braces. The receptionist there glanced up at him in distaste and annoyance through her thick black lashes.

"Can I help you?" she drawled, the sarcasm in her voice evident. Daisuke nervously rubbed the back of his head with his hand, intimidated by her stare.

"H-hi. Um, Commander Hiwatari was meant to leave something for me at the front desk," he stuttered.

"Well, he hasn't. Nothing has been left here today. Has it?" she looked towards the other receptionist who was on the phone. The older woman shook her head whilst she continued talking to the person on the other end. Daisuke wondered briefly if Satoshi had not had the time to drop the keys off before he left. Maybe he would have to break in after all.

"Could you please check if he's still here then?" he asked as politely as possible, feeling that this wasn't going well. Maybe she's just had a really bad day, Daisuke thought, not one to judge others harshly.

She sighed in exasperation, picking up the phone and punching in a few numbers with her perfectly manicured nails. "Commander, there's a young man here who-" She paused a moment before looking up again at Daisuke with curiosity. He resisted the urge to hop from one foot to the other, biting his lip instead. "I see. Yes, sir."

Before Daisuke could ask, she had put the phone down and was addressing him again, "The Commander can be found in the locker room, located in the basement." Her voice was almost amused now, and Daisuke was rather perplexed by her change in attitude. Registering the confused look on his face, she sighed, pointing to the right, "The elevator is down the corridor on the right."

"Thank you, miss." Daisuke gave her one last look before heading in the direction she had pointed. Getting into the lift he contemplated the oddity of it all, shaking his head. A small ding and the doors opened, leaving Daisuke in a long, white corridor filled with fluorescent light. Doors led off in all directions and Daisuke had no idea which one was the one he was looking for. No signs, no one in sight. Great, just my luck, he huffed.

A door on his right opened and a man in a police uniform came out, looking through the papers in his hand. He was tall and lean but obviously ageing, the grey in his hair giving him away.

"Excuse me," Daisuke called to him. The man looked up, rather bemused by Daisuke's presence. "Could you please tell me where the locker room is?"

"Down the end of the corridor, first door to your left," the man squinted at Daisuke, but before he had the chance to ask him why he was down here, Daisuke had thanked him and sprinted off down the corridor. The man shook his head, continuing to browse through his papers as he entered the lift. As Daisuke approached the end of the corridor, he could hear voices and indeed, the first door on his left was slightly ajar letting the sound drift through. He peered through the crack between the door and the wall, shades of blue and black flashing past.

"Now, hopefully this won't be too bad. So far, they've only had a bomb threat but haven't managed to actually find any evidence. They just want us to check it out, but we have to be on guard because we all remember what happened last time, don't we?" There was a round of quiet chuckles. The speaker was just out of view.

"I don't think they'd be too happy if we blew away half a bank again, would they?" Daisuke recognised the mocking sound of Hikaru's voice.

"No, so let's try and keep it clean this time. No mistakes. Sakimi-san, have you got you're gear?" The voice was so familiar but it had a tone of authority that Daisuke had not heard in a long time.

"Yes, sir," her pretty voice was soft but her tone serious.

"Oh wait, sir. There appears to be someone outside the door," Hikaru laughed. Daisuke realised that he had one hand raised to knock on the door. Bringing it down now, he knocked, his face growing red with embarrassment.

"Come in." Daisuke pushed open the door a little to reveal Satoshi looking at him intensely with his team standing in a semi-circle behind him. The room was simply a grey concrete box which greatly resembled a normal sporting locker room with its metal lockers, wooden benches and showers, but which curiously also had racks of black helmets and various weapons ranging from police batons to tasers and guns.

What Daisuke found strikingly different were the people themselves. Satoshi, and the seven people behind him, were wearing all black swat-looking get up that Daisuke had only seen in movies. From the black laced boots on their feet to the black cargo pants and vests and finally the black helmets that some were wearing and others were holding under their arms, everything was fitted, sleek and deadly practical. Daisuke had never realised how specialist Satoshi's team actually was.

He recognised Ryou-kun, Iku-kun and Saaya-san from the dinner they'd had in the first week. They all looked rather different now, especially Saaya who seemed beyond her years dressed as severely as she was, though Iku looked pretty much the same either way. A giant, hulking man in black. Hikaru-san he had seen again since then with Satoshi. She was lounging against a locker, helmet under her arm and cigarette tucked behind her ear. She grinned at him. The other three people he did not recognise.

Until he saw them all like that, Daisuke had not understood at all what Satoshi's job was, nor how dangerous it could be. His friend had never bothered to alert him to any of these facts, but Daisuke knew why. Satoshi was always trying to prevent him from worrying.

"Sorry to bother you but-" Daisuke stuttered from the doorway, rather overwhelmed by a team of eight people in black staring at him intensely.

"Oh yes, the keys. Didn't have time to leave them at reception," Satoshi turned towards his bag automatically before pausing to look back, "Team move out! You know where you need to be." Daisuke promptly stepped out of the doorway which everyone began filing through except for Hikaru who lingered in the background. Satoshi produced a rusty set of keys from the black bag, which he handed to Daisuke. Why is everything here black, Daisuke wondered, it's so morbid.

"Thanks. Ah good luck and all," he said, unsure of what he was expected to say in a situation like this.

Satoshi looked at him oddly, "That's ok."

"Hey Dai-kun! How's it going?" Hikaru asked, almost in a teasing manner. Catching Satoshi's vaguely annoyed look, Daisuke wasn't sure if it was actually him that she was teasing.

"Good, Hikaru-san. How are you?" Daisuke smiled at her. Although she seemed strange, he quite liked Hikaru.

"Hate to interrupt you," the vague tone of annoyance lingered in his voice, "but we have a job to do, Tsukimi. Or perhaps you've forgotten already?" He raised a menacing eyebrow at her but Hikaru simply grinned and pushed him gently with a gloved hand.

"Don't be such a spoil sport, sir," she turned back to Daisuke, "Anyway, I just wanted to know if Dai-chan here wanted to come have a drink tonight. With you too, of course, sir."

Daisuke was getting rather put off by the tension between the two as they talked. Satoshi was seemingly another person, arms crossed in front of his chest. Daisuke was getting flash backs of the Commander he'd known so long ago and began slowly backing out of the room, "Well, I'd better be leaving you guys to…" He trailed off.

"Please wait a moment, Daisuke," Satoshi said before he turned to Hikaru with a look that clearly said something along the lines of 'out. now.'

She grinned at Daisuke again. "See you tonight," she said playfully slipping past Satoshi and through the door. The latter sighed as she left, running his hand through his hair.

"Sorry about that. It's just…I'm a Commander here and I have to separate work and friends. Athough that is a little difficult since most of my friends _are_ my team," his voice had softened and the tension that had been there had left with the last person. "Hikaru-san was out of line to say that now…though since you were here, I suppose it was okay…but it would be nice to go out tonight, don't you think?" He looked up at Daisuke cautiously and the red-head wondered if the usually stoic boy was actually embarrassed. Daisuke didn't reply. "Anyway, this shouldn't take too long really. I'll be back by this afternoon. So, I guess I'll see you then." It was so uncharacteristic of Satoshi to be lost for words like this.

"Yeah," Daisuke managed to reply. Satoshi picked up his helmet from the bench, running his fingers around the rim, not looking at the boy in front of him. All Daisuke could think of was how attractive Satoshi looked in that slim black jumper and vest, which showed all the contours of his lean but muscular body. Must not get distracted, must not get distracted… "I'll see you then."

Satoshi glanced up from beneath deep blue lashes. Then, with a blink of the eye, he was gone.

Why did it always feel like Satoshi's work was taking him further and further away from Daisuke in more ways than one?

* * *

_Hey everybody,  
Let's have some fun.  
You only live but once,  
And when you're dead you're done._

Daisuke had no idea where they were going. It was some bar that Satoshi and Hikaru had agreed upon, and the only thing that Satoshi had said about it was that it was 'nice'. So, Daisuke had kept the shirt and jeans but ditched the tie and braces in favour of a black jacket. He hoped he was dressed appropriately for a Saturday night in Tokyo and judging by Satoshi's similar attire, he was doing okay. Ah well, I usually stick out like a sore thumb anyway. This isn't any different, he reasoned as he and Satoshi stood on the packed train, slightly swaying with the motion.

The place had an unremarkable entrance which led you down a flight of stairs to the basement. Low lighting revealed a simple but elegantly furnished room with couches and low tables. A row of mirrors sat directly beneath a parallel row of windows up high along one wall, which showed the moving feet of passer-bys in the street. The décor was intricate and quite gothic with candelabras gracing most surfaces, and as an artist Daisuke appreciated the aesthetic value of it all.

Hikaru, who was leaning against the bar, drink already in hand, looked remarkably feminine tonight. She was wearing a plain black dress with no sleeves, which was quite taught around her body, but that ended respectably below her knees. Red and black striped tights, akin to a joker's, led down her slim legs to laced high heels. Sometimes Daisuke wondered why he didn't like girls but, catching a glimpse of the tall handsome blunette beside him, he quickly shrugged off the thought. The dress had a scooped out neck that revealed a small tattoo of three playing cards, all aces, which Daisuke had not seen before. Perhaps, like some of his more private paintings, there were tattoos she did not necessarily want to explain to people.

"Hello boys. How are you both?" she grinned mischievously. They greeted her with a hug, and she proceeded to order another two beers from the bartender who was staring at her rather curiously. "This one's on me." Before Daisuke could protest, she winked and continued, "No work tomorrow so we can drink the night away."

Daisuke tilted his head questioningly, "But I thought you guys were on call all the time."

"We have every second Sunday off," Satoshi explained, "They can't call us in for anything on our day off. Unless maybe it's a national emergency," Hikaru laughed into her drink in an unladylike manner at the improbability of this, causing it to spray back into the glass. Satoshi glanced at her sideways in amusement.

"Hear, hear. Even if it was a national emergency I'd be tempted to tell them where to shove it." As she turned her head, Daisuke noticed the slender cigarette tucked behind her ear. There always seemed to be one there. He liked her large smile and the deep red lipstick that made her teeth look so much brighter.

"She says that, but she'd be one of the first on the front line if something happened," Satoshi's low voice cut through the loud music of the place as he directed his words at Daisuke.

"Goodness, if you're going to embarrass me then I'll give you the same treatment," she grumbled, before breaking out into a smile again as she poked his shirt, "You're looking awfully dashing tonight. More so than usual. You must have dressed up for someone, ne?"

Satoshi looked slightly disgruntled at this but she just pushed him playfully towards the main room, "Come on, let's go find somewhere to sit."

* * *

_So let the good times roll,  
Let the good times roll,  
Don't care if you're young or old,  
Get together and let the good times roll._

He and Hikaru were sitting together on the couch, counting the bottles in front of them with the carelessness of slight inebriation. That there were over twenty bottles crowding the small table in front of them explained largely why they were in such a state.

"It's been so long since we've been out," Hikaru complained, drawing out the vowels in her words before returning to a more chirpy tone, "But this is such good fun! And it's so fun going out with you Dai-chan. You're so gorgeous! Satoshi-kun doesn't know what he's missing out on." She petted his head condescendingly, laughing at the confused look on his face before falling back on the couch. She took another sip of her drink whilst Daisuke wondered what she meant.

Satoshi, returning from a smoke break outside, seated himself calmly across from the giggling pair. "Enjoying yourselves I see," he commented dryly. He smiled as if this were some personal joke, and Daisuke noted that he was not as yet affected by the amount of alcohol they had consumed. Whereas, personally, he could feel the world starting to move with a quickness he had not noticed before. Or was it that his movements were slowing down rather than the world speeding up? He shook his head in confusion.

"Want to dance?" Hikaru asked the returning boy with great enthusiasm, tilting her head towards the crowded dance floor at the back of the place.

"The answer, as per usual, is no. But you could try asking Daisuke-kun," Satoshi smiled knowingly at the younger boy, who immediately shook his head.

"Satoshi-kuuun, you're no fun," she groaned before her eyes alighted excitedly on Daisuke, "Oh, but I'm sure Dai-chan would love to dance, wouldn't you?" Though he continued shaking his head, Daisuke soon realised he had no choice as Hikaru grasped his arm and led him away to the dance floor. He could hear Satoshi chuckling. In the back of his mind, he tried to calculate how many drinks Hikaru had consumed and the likelihood of her falling over on the dancefloor.

"But Hikaru-san, I'm no good at dancing! I'm so uncoordinated," he complained as she dragged him into the midst of the crowded floor.

"Dai-chan, you're an artist and you're gay. I'm sure you're a fine dancer," she giggled, twirling him past her. Catching the disturbed look on Daisuke's face, she reassured him, "Oh, no one told me. I just deduced, darling. I'm not on Satoshi's team because I'm stupid, you know." She laughed again, good-naturedly winking at the confused boy.

_Don't sit there mumbling,  
And talkin' trash.  
If you want to have a ball,  
You got to go out and spend some cash._

Daisuke, contrary to his opinion, wasn't a terrible dancer nor was he a very great one. He had rhythm enough and simply let the slightly drunk Hikaru dance around him. His attention was focused elsewhere; namely on the pretty, blonde young woman who had seated herself next to Satoshi and was now in conversation with him. She was laughing, her low-cut dress swaying around her chest with the movement. She fiddled with her necklace in one hand, a drink held tightly in the other. Satoshi said something, a smirk on his face, which caused her to lean over and playfully tap his knee with her free hand. Suddenly Daisuke felt hot and sick and claustrophobic. The music was too loud, there were too many people and the room was too small. He turned away, heading towards the bathroom, leaving Hikaru on the dance floor and just missing the glance that Satoshi threw his way.

Daisuke breathed deeply, looking at himself in the mirror. The music had faded to a muffled beat and, after splashing some water from the tap on his face, it did not feel so hot. Daisuke leaned back against the tiled wall, rubbing his face with his hands. He couldn't keep feeling like this. It was ridiculous, he told himself.

The door swung open and he glanced up in hope. But it was just some guy who stepped past Daisuke in the narrow corridor, which held the sinks and mirrors, in order to get to the main bathroom. The red-head sighed, straightening his jacket. He felt bad about leaving Hikaru like that but she seemed comfortable out on the dance floor with other people. The door creaked again, but he did not look up this time.

"Are you alright?" Daisuke looked up at the familiar voice to see Satoshi standing next to him.

"Yeah, I just wanted to…you know, get away from the dance floor," Daisuke quickly invented. He smiled weakly. "It's not my thing."

"You're not that bad at it, really," Satoshi said earnestly, stepping out of the way and closer to Daisuke to let someone else through. Daisuke made some sort of noise in assent, looking the other way.

"Who was that you were talking to? She was very pretty," Daisuke tried to make his question as casual as possible, still looking at the ground.

"I don't know," Satoshi shrugged, sounding uninterested, "Some lady who was hitting on me."

Daisuke laughed unsteadily, "Did you get her number?"

"No." His answer was curt. Daisuke looked up at Satoshi for the first time to find that the blunette was staring at him intensely, standing so close that their bodies were almost touching. Daisuke could feel his own breath dry against his lips, which he licked unconsciously. Satoshi leaned in closer, but then someone opened the door with a loud bang and he abruptly turned on his heel, "We should get back to Hikaru-san."

"Yeah…yeah, we should." Daisuke could barely speak.

* * *

_Hey Mr Landlord, lock up all the doors,  
When the police come around,  
Tell them Jordan's closed.  
And let the good times roll,  
Let the good times roll,  
Don't care if you're young or old,  
Go out and let the good times roll._

Hikaru had one arm flung around Daisuke's neck and the other around Satoshi's as the three of them attempted to stumble home, all slightly inebriated but with Hikaru being worst off of all. Satoshi and Daisuke, on the other hand, were pleasantly drunk enough not to care about a lot of things but still able to walk in a straight line. Almost.

"You really shouldn't have challenged that guy to a drinking competition, Hikaru-san," Daisuke joked as they tumbled into the lobby of Satoshi's apartment.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Daisuke-kun? Call me Hika-san," she replied remonstratively, moving her hand in a tutting motion.

"Sure thing," he grunted as most of her weight fell on him for a moment as they attempted to climb the stairs.

"Besides, didn't you see the way he challenged me? He was so arrogant! I hate arrogant men! If only the world had more men like you two. Oh you're both so gorgeous, I love you boys," she said in a cooing mother's voice, taking Satoshi by the chin and shaking his head back and forth. He seemed mildly amused by this. As they finally reached Satoshi's floor and proceeded down the corridor, Hikaru began singing one of the songs that had been playing at the bar very loudly, and rather out of tune.

"Shh! Stop singing! You'll wake people up," Daisuke chided the girl, pulling her arm further over his shoulder. He looked down the hallway apprehensively for a moment, before smiling again, "Is she often like this?"

Satoshi chuckled, pulling out the keys to his room, "Guess."

_And let the good times roll now,  
Let the good times roll,  
Don't care if you're young or old,  
Get together and let the good times roll._

"Oh my God, it's actually clean in here! What the hell happened?" Hikaru asked loudly as she stumbled into the room and fell on the floor in a heap. She rolled around on the ground, attempting to kick off her shoes. Daisuke laughed at her failed attempts openly. Everything just seemed so hilarious.

"Daisuke-kun was kind enough to clean the place up," Satoshi replied, taking off his own shoes, admittedly with a bit more grace than Hikaru and leaving them at the door. Daisuke had to walk over to the couch and sit down before he could begin to unlace his boots. Unlike Satoshi, he wasn't sure how steady he was on his own two feet anymore.

"Well, it looks a hell of a lot better now. Though it's still a shithole of a place," she said candidly. Daisuke lay back on the couch, chuckling at this. "I always told you Satoshi-kun that you needed someone to balance you're life out," she continued, "When are you going to move out of this dump anyhow?"

"I don't know." The older boy had gone to the kitchen, filled a glass of water and was now moving towards Hikaru.

"God, I feel awful," she rubbed her eyes, "Can we turn off the lights? They're so bright."

"Yes, as soon as you drink some of this." Daisuke watched as he calmly held the glass of water to her lips. Satoshi had never had any siblings and perhaps Hikaru was as close to a sister, or any family really, as he was ever going to get.

"Thanks Satoshi-kun, you're a sweetheart," she said before falling back onto the ground, sweeping her arms across the carpet as if she were making a snow angel.

"Did you want a glass of water, Daisuke?" Satoshi asked from the kitchen, indicating the glass in his hands. Daisuke shook his head and the world spun a little. The other boy shrugged. He flicked on a dim lamp in the kitchen before turning off the main lights in the room. "Better?"

"Much." She grinned, rolling over to face Daisuke, "Daiiiii-chan."

"What?" he smiled down at her from his comfy position on the couch.

"Nothing. I just like saying your name." She giggled again, and it was not an unpleasant sound. "Whatcha doing, Satoshi-kun?" Daisuke followed her eyes to where Satoshi was standing, now in just a shirt, his discarded jacket laying over a chair. He was carefully placing the needle of the record player onto a black disc.

"Putting on some music," he replied calmly, making it impossible for Daisuke to gauge how drunk his friend actually was. How did he manage to be the same, measured person even after so many drinks? Daisuke had never seen him drink so much before, though that was not hard. Satoshi had never been into drinking heavily, not even in highschool.

_Hey y'all tell everybody, Mr Jordan's in town.  
I got a dollar and a quarter and I'm just round the clock,  
But don't let nobody, play me cheap,  
I got fifty cents more than I'm gonna keep._

"Oh good. Music is nice." The soft music filled the room but was not overpowering. They were perhaps all a little deaf after being at the bar. Daisuke could still hear the vague ringing sound in his ears.

Satoshi walked over and joined Daisuke on the couch. The latter immediately jumped up, as if he'd been shocked. "On second thoughts, maybe I will get a glass of water." The red-head stepped over Hikaru clumsily and grabbed a glass from a cupboard in the kitchen.

"Satoshi-kun, you should ask Dai-chan to come stay more often. He's such good fun," leaning back on her head, Hikaru grinned at Daisuke upside down, turning her smile into a strange looking frown. Her words were beginning to slur as she spoke. "And such a good influence. Look at this place! It's so pretty." She swept her arms out again, before leaping up. He wasn't sure what her intention had been but her legs disagreed with the motion and instantly crumpled, with Satoshi only just managing to catch her before she hit the ground.

"Come on, I think you need to lie down," Satoshi steadied her with one hand, reaching out across to the bed with the other. "Sorry, Daisuke-kun but I'm going to have to hijack your bed."

"That's okay," he assented quickly from the kitchen.

"But I don't wanna," Hikaru protested weakly, her voice beginning to disobey her brain just as her limbs were no longer listening to the commands she gave them. Satoshi sat her down carefully on the bed, pulling her legs up onto the mattress as she collapsed sideways.

"She alright?" Daisuke asked as he came to stand beside the bed. He peered down at the girl through the dim light. Asleep, or semi-unconscious as it were, she looked more peaceful. Her eyebrows were no longer in their usual arch pose, lending a softness to her features that Daisuke had not seen before.

"She'll be fine," Satoshi said, pulling the blankets over her shoulders, "Well, she'll have a crashing headache tomorrow…but we probably will too."

Daisuke chuckled, "I don't feel so bad at the moment."

"You may say that but your legs say otherwise," Satoshi smirked as Daisuke tumbled back onto the couch ungracefully.

"Shut up," he laughed quietly, nudging Satoshi with a socked foot as the boy sat down on the other end of the couch. Daisuke was enjoying the tingling feeling of warmth that was spreading through his body. Perhaps he was slightly more drunk than he realised. He smiled groggily at the ceiling, laying his head back against the armrest. It didn't matter. He was happy. "I don't remember the last time we were drunk. In fact, I don't think we've ever been this drunk really…" His words were slightly starting to slur and the ceiling seemed to be swaying above him.

Satoshi chuckled, "No, I don't think so. But we've done some pretty crazy things even without the help of alcohol."

"True." Daisuke smiled, reminiscing. They certainly hadn't been normal teenagers to say the least. "Ne, do you remember the time you dressed up as a girl to catch Dark? That was hilarious!" catching Satoshi's slightly irritated expression, he added, "Well, looking back on it now."

Suddenly a small smile crossed Satoshi's face and Daisuke was relieved that he hadn't offended his friend too badly, "I suppose it was rather amusing. Looking back, it wasn't such an intelligent idea either."

"Pfft, well you had Dark hooked, that's for sure. No offence, but you made a pretty cool girl," Daisuke said, placing his hands behind his head for support as he looked at the boy at the other end of the couch.

"I'm unsure whether to be insulted or complimented," Satoshi's eyes looked up at Daisuke playfully through his blue bangs. "I could say the same thing about you though."

Daisuke looked confused for a moment, before suddenly turning bright red with embarrassment. The memory of himself in the school play in a bright pink dress came rushing back. He groaned, "Oh, that was so embarrassing…"

"The irony of that play was almost too much. I nearly died in that costume that looked like Dark," the blunette commented sarcastically. Daisuke giggled. If only people had known that the phantom thief was really the commander's mortal enemy, they might have seen the humour in it that he and Satoshi did now.

"Well I nearly died on stage when my skirt ripped and you started improvising." Satoshi glanced up at him. Daisuke blushed. They both remembered that all too clearly. Satoshi had began confessing his love for Daisuke only for the red-head to find it was because the skirt he was wearing had torn, "It was just so embarrassing in front of the whole school."

"Well, it might not have been so bad if Harada-san hadn't turned the lights on at the wrong time. But it doesn't really matter now," the boy shrugged nonchalantly but his eyes glinted as he looked towards the window behind Daisuke.

_So let the good times roll now,  
Let the good times roll.  
Don't care if you're young or old,  
Get together and let the good times roll._

"You never really liked the twins, did you?" There was no accusation in his voice. Though he was still friends with the twins and saw them occasionally, he understood that they and Satoshi were not exactly suited to be friends. But, he was curious.

Satoshi seemingly pondered for a moment. "I'm sorry to say but if I am being frank then yes, the Harada twins always annoyed me. They were awfully whiney and dependant during middle school. I think the elder Harada-san improved greatly during highschool," he added this last comment as if in apology; he was aware that Daisuke was still friends with them. He paused for a moment, drawing his knees up to lean against the back of the couch. "But, even though I never wanted to be them, or be like them, I was always envious of them."

Daisuke couldn't muffle a short laugh. The thought of Satoshi being envious of the twins was too absurd. "Come off it! As if you were jealous of them?" Daisuke asked incredulously. For a brief time in middle school when he had dated Riku-san, the four of them would go on double dates, too embarrassed to go out alone. He had always found the exasperated looks that Satoshi gave the younger twin, who clung to him incessantly, rather amusing. Not that he would admit it to Risa-san, of course, when she complained about the injustice of it all.

Satoshi breathed out slowly, thinking about his answer. "I was. For several reasons. Firstly, because they were normal. Secondly, they had friends. But those are pretty general; I could have been jealous of lots of people for those reasons. But it was mainly because they always had your full attention. They were your friends. And eventually, that's what I wanted to be too."

"But we were friends back then," the younger boy said unsurely.

Satoshi looked up, piercingly, "Were we?" Daisuke hesitated. "I'd say we were many other things. Acquaintances, enemies...colleagues even, in a profession we had not chosen. The times when we spoke, it was always about our other halves. We weren't friends like we are now."

Daisuke watched the shadows cast by the dim light emanating from the kitchen. I remember your words, Satoshi-kun. You asked me how someone could thank the person who hurt them. You asked how someone could smile at the person who took something precious away from them. You never thought we were friends but you obviously don't know the power of love then, Daisuke thought. _"I don't want to hurt you!" _The boy's words rang hollow in Daisuke's mind, a distant memory now. Or perhaps you do?

"I was always your friend." He eventually stated calmly.

"Perhaps you were. I was not always yours, though." Satoshi had suddenly turned very pensive, regarding his hands which were clasped on top of his knees with great interest. "I wanted to hate you. Dark was the reason my life had turned out this way, and I wanted to hate you for it, to blame you, but I couldn't. I don't think anyone could hate you. Something in you always brought out the best in me," Satoshi sighed, before mumbling, "Probably a good thing."

The blunette laid his head back against the armrest, much like Daisuke had before. The redhead looked at him, pondering. There was always a question he had wanted to ask Satoshi but never had the courage to. He knew it was likely that Satoshi would just ignore it anyway, but at the moment he seemed quite talkative, almost against his will. "Ne, Satoshi-kun. You know how we were talking about that time before when you dressed as a girl to catch Dark." Daisuke paused a moment but the other boy made a noise of assent, indicating that he should continue.

"Ah."

"Well, there was a moment where…did you follow With on purpose, knowing that it wasn't me? Knowing it wasn't the real mask?" Daisuke looked at his friend who sighed as he stared at the ceiling. He remembered the intense fear that had gripped him for a moment when Satoshi had chained him, in Dark's form, to the bars of a gate. He had finally caught him. But at that moment With had appeared, bearing Daisuke's form and the twin mask of the one they were stealing.

"Of course I knew it wasn't you, or the real mask. I am Hikari after all; I think I can tell the difference between the two," he replied in an agitated manner. The thing Daisuke remembered most clearly from that night though was not the fear but that moment, when Satoshi had looked from the retreating With back to him, and the intense look of sadness captured in that spilt second before the boy had given chase to the false him. That was probably also the moment that Daisuke realised that he had never seen eyes as beautiful or emotive as those belonging to the Hikari.

"It's just that, you looked at me, well Dark I suppose, just before you ran away and…I've never seen anyone look so sad. Why'd you do it? Why did you chase the false mask?" Daisuke asked insistently.

_Hey no matter whether, it's rainy weather,  
Birds of a feather got to stick together,  
Oh, get yourself under control, get together and let the good times roll._

Satoshi didn't speak. In the silence the record player at its end ran over and over the last ridge with a quiet _thump_, _thump_, _thump_.

"It was that moment when I realised that I could not capture Dark, because I did not want to. And it was so depressing to know that that was how I was going to spend my life. Trying to catch Dark, but not really wanting to. Trying to contain Krad, even though he could capture Dark. And it was all because of you. How much easier my life would have been if I hadn't known you." He closed his eyes, rubbing them with the backs of his hands. His words were jumbled and his voice unsteady. "But how much less fulfilled."

A pause. He leaned over and switched off the record player. The room was suddenly filled with a pressing silence.

"You know, I started off thinking that Dark and Krad were the same. But I realised that nothing could be further from the truth as time progressed. I realised that Dark was…like a brother to you," his voice was kinder this time, repenting his harsh words before. Daisuke did not begrudge him though. He spoke the truth; Daisuke had, in many ways, made Satoshi's life more complex and, at times, more hellish. He was still pretty sure that, like Riku had been for him and Dark, he had been the trigger that had brought Krad out of the blunette's mind. Satoshi continued, "Do you miss him?"

Daisuke sighed at the thought of his mischievous other half. "Yeah, a lot. Sometimes, he's there in my dreams and I think he will still be there when I wake up, but he never is. Or those moments, when I know what he would have said, if he was here…I miss him so much, Satoshi-kun. I know it's hard for you to understand with Krad and all…"

"No," Satoshi's voice was grave, "I understand what it is like to lose someone."

Daisuke looked up questioningly, but Satoshi did not look at him. He abruptly stood up, "We'd better try and get some sleep." He paused, resting a hand on Daisuke's shoulder sympathetically. "I am sorry you miss him so much."

Years of words unsaid between them had suddenly spilled forth and yet, the tension had not lessened. Daisuke could still feel it. The friction suspended there, motionless, between them.

He nodded and Satoshi let his hand fall. The redhead followed his movements with his eyes. The older boy had walked over to the kitchen and flicked the light off, after putting the last few dishes in the sink. The room was momentarily plunged into darkness until their eyes adjusted to the light of the moon streaming through the window. Daisuke's throat was dry and he had an odd, sick feeling in his stomach. The effects of the alcohol were beginning to wear off. He suspected Satoshi felt the same way. The blunette had returned to the couch, pulling out the blanket that he had been using as a bedspread for the past couple of weeks and which was kept folded neatly at its side.

"Might be a bit uncomfortable but we'll both have to sleep on the couch. Not much we can do about it," Satoshi stated informatively. Daisuke merely shrugged, feeling he couldn't be bothered to even open his mouth to speak. He curled up on his side as Satoshi spread the blanket over both of them. They were sleeping top to toe and, as predicted, it wasn't overly comfortable. Daisuke's legs and feet were being slightly crushed against the back of the couch by Satoshi's back whilst Satoshi's own legs and feet were dangling precariously over the edge of the couch, jostling for room with Daisuke's arms. Both were too tired to really care.

"Night, Sato-kun," Daisuke mumbled, letting his friend know that their conversation beforehand was forgiven and forgotten. Satoshi's toe twitched involuntarily.

"Night."

* * *

"Tai." At first it was just a word, whispered frantically to no one, invading Daisuke's consciousness. But then it was repeated. And again and again, til Daisuke was drawn from the fog of sleep to reality. He shivered slightly, wondering vaguely why he was cold.

"Tai!" This time with more urgency. "Tai, come back! No! I'm sorry, please don't go…"

Daisuke blinked. The room was dark, it must still be night.

"Don't go!" Satoshi yelled. Suddenly he felt a kick to the ribs. Sucking in his breath quickly in pain, he was still not awake enough to cry out. He curled up instinctively, clutching at his side. Daisuke held his breath, trying to contain the spreading pain.

He could feel the boy on the other end of the couch breathing heavily. He was moving, putting his hand to his chest, and Daisuke guessed that he must have woken from his nightmare. Satoshi sat up, pulling the last remnants of the twisted blanket with him as he did. Daisuke closed his eyes firmly as Satoshi stood up and carefully lifted the blanket from the ground, placing it gently back across Daisuke's body. Footsteps retreated and Daisuke heard the sound of wood sliding carefully against wood as Satoshi lifted the window. Opening his eyes again cautiously, he glanced towards the bed where Hikaru was still sound asleep, her chest gently rising and falling with her breathing. Daisuke heard the click of a lighter.

"Come on, come on. Light," a deep voice quietly cursed the apparently not-working lighter. His voice trembled and Daisuke could imagine that his hands were similarly shaking. "Work, damn it!"

It was not a pleasant dream that Satoshi had awoken from. Daisuke did not know what it had been about but it could not be good. Satoshi had been through a lot and for him to be this shaken…well, it would had to have been something dreadful. But who was this Tai he was calling for? Someone he knew? Certainly he had not mentioned anyone named Tai to Daisuke before. But then again, Satoshi had a tendency to compartmentalise his life like that, separating things that did not need to overlap. It made him an excellent police officer.

The quiet _thump_ of the window against its sill brought Daisuke away from his thoughts. He quickly shut his eyes again, realising that they had been wandering over the room in the meantime. Satoshi sniffed as if he'd been crying. Peering through his lashes, Daisuke saw the dark outline of his friend standing above him, wiping his face with his sleeve. The blunette sat down on the couch gently, quite close to Daisuke.

"At least I've still got you," he whispered, tenderly brushing some stray strands of Daisuke's hair away from his brow, letting his fingers run softly through the boy's red hair.

For the second time in one night, Daisuke could barely breathe.

* * *

A/N:  
Um, nothing against receptionists. She's just based on the one who we had at school who was absolutely awful to us, even when we were being polite, but maybe she'd just had a bad day too…everyday. *shrugs* Again, I apologise for my mistakes. I have no idea what a police station looks like. I've never been in one. And I don't know what the legal drinking age is. Here in Australia, it's 18. (and I'm not promoting binge drinking in any way, shape or form.)

**Thank you for your kind reviews~!** They are like oxygen. I'm glad so many people are enjoying this story. I hope you like this chapter. Some or all of it may not be great because I'm slightly hungover myself but it's 17 pages in word so hopefully that makes up for it :)

_Let the Good Times Roll_ – Louis Jordan

**EDIT:** Thanks to piratepenguin666 for pointing out that my characters weren't quite acting themselves in this chapter; it made me critically re-evaluate my ideas and thus the next chapter I'm planning to write will turn out quite differently to how it was going to originally, but for the better I hope. So unfortunately, it may take a little more time. But this is why constructive criticism is always welcome, it really is so helpful. Sometimes as authors we get lost in our own story and don't see the imperfections that you guys do :)


	6. Misty

Disclaimer: I do not own DN Angel or anything associated with it. Yukiru Sugisaki does.

**The Very Thought of You**

Chapter 5: Misty

* * *

'_At least I've still got you…' _The words resounded eerily in Daisuke's mind as he stood in the kitchen, turning on the kettle to make cups of tea for everyone. Hikaru was about awake as she probably would be for the day, sitting on the edge of the bed and complaining about her head. But it was Satoshi who held Daisuke's attention. He, strangely enough, was already awake and dressed for the day unlike the other two. His calm demeanour, same as it was everyday, was unnerving Daisuke this morning. In a long sleeved shirt and jeans, he was serenely sitting next to Hikaru, administering aspirin and half-hearted admonishment like an older brother. How could he be so calm after last night?

It was obvious that he thought Daisuke had been asleep. He would never have said such things if he had known Daisuke were awake and there was nothing in his behaviour this morning to indicate otherwise. There was something that Satoshi wasn't telling Daisuke, something he was hiding, and it sounded very serious. Daisuke's concern for his friend had quickly doubled last night as he realised that work was not the only thing that was making his life complicated.

Before Hikaru left later that morning, he asked quickly at the door if he could talk to her sometime this week, indicating it was rather important. She nodded groggily, and Daisuke hoped that she was sober enough to remember her promise to meet on Tuesday.

* * *

Every second Sunday was not only their day off but was also, Satoshi said, the only day he ever got the chance to do house chores and actually relax a bit. He refused to let himself do work on Sunday, though there still reports sitting on the kitchen bench that had to be done, paperwork that needed filling in and all manner of emails and letters to be read and responded to. Daisuke had found during his time here that the way Satoshi worked was with what Daisuke would call an 'organised-chaos' ethic. There were papers everywhere is his house yet he always seemed to be on top of it all whereas Daisuke, neat as his room was, could never get anything done on time and was usually rushing around like a headless chook the day before things were due.

It was a clear, cold morning but the sun was out and there was a fair breeze. Currently, he and Satoshi were sitting in the Laundromat around the corner from Satoshi's apartment waiting for their washing to be done. Whilst the elder boy was reading one of the many books from the pile beside his bed, Daisuke was sketching the room from various angles in his sketchbook. He didn't mind the one he'd done of the clothes spinning around in the machine but it was a tad boring. The place was basically empty as, besides themselves, there was only a little old lady and a younger woman with her child. Daisuke had been pulling weird faces before at the toddler, who laughed gleefully in return, clapping his hands together clumsily as children do. But the woman had given him a scathing look and Daisuke had quickly stopped.

He let his imagination wander until he realised that he was roughly sketching an open washing machine amongst a line of them like he had been before, but this one was different. It had flowers bursting forth from the door, with large buttons as their centre and shoelaces for stalks. All other manner of strange, imaginative things – all composed from odd bits of clothing – were erupting from the washing machine in a wave that Daisuke imagined was colourful though he was only sketching in black pen at the moment. And sitting on top of the machine was the small toddler in his overalls and hat, smiling down at its contents.

"You ready to go?" Daisuke looked up to find Satoshi looking down at him questioningly over the basket of damp washing that he must have just taken out from the machine without Daisuke even noticing.

"Ah, sorry! I got distracted. Let me get that, ne?" he apologised in a rush, snapping his sketchbook shut. He placed it on the bench so he could take the basket from Satoshi.

"That's okay. It was an interesting picture you were working on. I didn't want to interrupt you," the other boy said serenely. He had picked up Daisuke's sketchbook as well as his own book and was now walking out the front door. Holding up the sketchbook, he asked, "Can I have a look at this?"

"Yeah, sure," he said tentatively. Usually, out of embarrassment, he would have declined and insisted that Satoshi didn't look at his work but today felt different for some reason. Perhaps it was because of his outburst last night or the calmness of this morning which hid the exposed vulnerability, but, whatever it was, Daisuke felt that Satoshi was more dear to him than ever today.

"It's very interesting to say the least," Satoshi said, intrigued, as they climbed the stairs to his room. Though Daisuke's work was lifelike in its quality, it did not always reflect everyday mundane living but sometimes slipped into the world of the surreal. He was very earnest when he continued, "You're improving a lot though."

"Thank you," Daisuke said shyly. It was always awkward when people commented on his work but it was most excruciating when it was Satoshi who was evaluating it.

Daisuke was, at the best of times, Captain Oblivious and had failed to notice the three pieces of cord tied from one end of the balcony above Satoshi's to the other. That said, they were difficult to distinguish from the metal rods above them that composed the fire escape. They were much easier to distinguish once he and Satoshi had hung all the washing from them with wooden pegs.

Suddenly feeling the urge to be silly in the bright morning sun, Daisuke put the empty oval washing basket over his head, letting it rest on his back and looking at Satoshi through the handle of the basket. "I'm a turtle," he giggled, "Rawr!"

Satoshi put a hand on the basket, chuckling, "You're ridiculous is what you are. Besides, I don't think turtles go 'roar'. Didn't you ever learn that as a child?"

"They probably don't. I wouldn't know, I've never seen a turtle make any noise at all before. But it'd be funny if they did, ne?" he grinned at Satoshi, who simply shook his head, regarding the boy in front of him with a peculiar sort of fondness.

"Sometimes you are so odd," he said, giving Daisuke one of his small, genuine smiles that the younger boy loved.

Not really, I just wanted to make you smile, Daisuke thought but could not bring himself to say to the other boy. The words he could never say were always the truest. I miss seeing you smile like that. Perhaps you miss it too?

* * *

The rest of the day passed pleasantly enough with Satoshi enjoying reading alternate books in the sunlight, cigarette in hand, and with Daisuke worrying intensely as he sat there and watched him. He wanted so badly to ask who Tai was and what was going on but couldn't bring himself to humiliate Satoshi like that. Asking would reveal that Daisuke had been wide awake last night, which would also implicate him for not making Satoshi aware of this fact. Something was wrong but he would have to wait until he saw Hikaru on Tuesday to figure out what it was. He'd already tried probing with questions, asking as vaguely as possible if everything was okay in his life but Satoshi had, of course, been entirely evasive.

The only way Daisuke could tell that Satoshi was slightly on edge now was that he had gone through almost an entire packet of cigarettes in one day. Sitting in his favourite spot in the windowsill, the afternoon sunlight fading as night fell, Satoshi looked over the city. The book in his hand lay half closed and unheeded. Daisuke contemplated the white smoke as it rose in tendrils and dissipated into the night. Perhaps smoking was the only outlet that he had now. Satoshi is not loud, he does not yell, he does not scream and as far as Daisuke knew, he did not cry much. And he never had time to paint anymore, so what else was there?

He sighed, going back to his own reading. He wished he had a more talkative friend and that Tuesday was not so far off as it seemed.

* * *

He was rather glad that Hikaru and her bright purple hair stood out. It had made her much easier to find at the crowded café where they were now seated; she, still in her work uniform and he, rather agitated.

"Satoshi-kun has a meeting this afternoon with some higher up people," she explained after they ordered, "So effectively, this is my lunch break and I have to go back in an hour or so." She grinned, "I'm glad he's the one who has to talk to those wankers up top and not me."

Daisuke laughed half-heartedly at this as a waitress placed coffee in front of them. He thanked her feebly and she gave him a strained smile, her blond hair covering her eyes. It seemed as though everyone was tense today for some reason. Even Hikaru was looking exhausted and slightly irritated as she heaped sugar into her coffee.

"How are you? Feeling any better after Sunday? You look pretty tired," he asked with concern.

"Oh, last night was just a bit of a bitch really. I've hardly had any sleep," she said, her voice monotone.

"When did you guys get in last night? I must have fallen asleep on the couch because I don't remember when Satoshi-kun got back."

"Must've been like four or five in the morning. Then up again at seven for work. That's why I need this," she sighed, pointing at the coffee in front of her.

"Gosh, no wonder you haven't had any sleep," Daisuke trailed off, wondering how anyone put up with this job. He greatly admired them for persevering though.

"How are you? You did want to talk about something so…what's up?" she somewhat regained her usual brisk tone that had faded with fatigue.

"Oh no, I'm good. It was more Satoshi who I wanted to ask you about." She made a noise of assent but didn't look up at him. "I was just kind of worried about him because…" he paused for a moment while the waitress came back with a bowl of soup for Hikaru. Now that he was here with her, he couldn't find the words to express it. "Well, I know you guys are worn out from your job a lot and that it's stressful but Satoshi-kun seems…I don't know, more down than usual. I haven't seen him in a long time but he wasn't like this last time I saw him."

"Yeah…" Hikaru was looking at him, rather confused as to where he was going with this.

"And the other day, he sort of mentioned in passing someone called 'Tai', who he's never mentioned before and it made him kind of sad. And I was just wondering if you knew this person?"

"Ah," Hikaru exhaled, sitting back in her chair and regarding Daisuke for a moment as if it had all suddenly become clear. "I'm surprised that Satoshi-kun would mention Tai-kun," she said casually, stirring her soup. Daisuke looked away embarrassedly, not wanting to mention that he had actually overheard Satoshi call the name in his sleep. She continued, "He doesn't usually talk about him. Tai was on our team and he and Satoshi were great friends, almost brothers you could say. In fact, yes, I would describe them as brothers."

"Were? Did something happen?" he asked cautiously. He noticed that her knuckles were white as she gripped the spoon and her hands were shaking. She must really be exhausted, he thought.

"It must have been at least couple of months ago now. We were on a particularly difficult mission that I can't disclose to you but unfortunately Tai-kun was…" she paused, sizing Daisuke up out of the corner of her eye, making some sort of judgement, "…seriously wounded and never recovered. He passed away and Satoshi felt responsible for the whole thing because he is our team leader. He believes it was his mistake. I'm surprised he managed to keep it together last Saturday actually. Usually when he's had a bit to drink he gets incredibly upset about it."

Her last remarks were in a rather offhand tone and Daisuke sensed that this was something she did not like discussing either. It sounded like Tai had been rather important to everyone on the team and he quickly regretted bringing it up.

"But, these things happen with our job and…we have to get over them," her words were choked and suddenly Daisuke realised that her eyes were brimming with tears.

"Hika-san, I'm so sorry, I didn't realise," he grasped her hands as the tears threatened to spill down her cheeks. Her hands were tense underneath his, but suddenly she seized his hands with her own, breathing deeply, trying to control the overwhelming emotion. He was struck with guilt and began apologising profusely, "I'm so sorry, I wouldn't have asked if I had known…"

Eventually she took her hands away from his, wiping her eyes briskly. She smiled at him weakly, "That's alright, Dai-kun. You didn't know and I'm just…tired and a bit stressed. But I want to talk about it, because Tai was very important to us and I want his memory to live on. He was…my boyfriend." Daisuke's heart sunk to his stomach, which suddenly felt ill. How could he have asked this without realising?

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Hikaru-san," he repeated, unsure of what else he could say to make up for it. Perhaps it would have been better for him to ask Satoshi after all…"I didn't mean to bring up painful memories."

"You saw this tattoo the other night, didn't you?" she pressed a hand just above her heart, where the picture of the cards was on her skin, though it was not visible now. He nodded numbly. "That's for him. He was my ace. But time heals all, ne?"

"I hope it does, for your sake, because you deserve happiness," he said timidly, and he believed it. Why was it always good, innocent people who suffered and not bad people? He realised how naïve the thought was. She looked at him in surprise for a moment before smiling and clasping his hand in hers again.

"You're very sweet. Most people deserve happiness but they don't always get it. Being with Satoshi-kun of all people, you would realise that. Such a lovely boy, so caring, but yet he's always had the worst luck," she sighed as she went back to her soup, which was now probably rather cold. Daisuke looked at her questioningly. "I mean, he's got no family, he lost his best friend and then right afterwards his home and most of his possessions. You remember when his place burned down, don't you? Wasn't that awful? One minute you're at work and the next, there's an electrical fault and the entire apartment block has gone up in flames. At least he had sense enough to be insured."

Daisuke was horrified. Outwardly, he sat there in silence staring at Hikaru, mouth slightly agape. But inwardly, he wanted to kick and scream and curse himself for being such an idiot. She didn't know that Satoshi hadn't told him; that he was in the dark and had not noticed.

"I'm glad he's got such a good friend as you to rely on," she continued talking, oblivious to his inner turmoil. The ironic words cut Daisuke like a knife, leaving stinging gashes across him. How could he not have noticed? "It does him good to have a friend who's not as cynical as he is, who can make him smile. I think your coming to stay has done him a lot of good."

Daisuke wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out as she continued talking. The shame of never noticing his best friend's pain was too much. They had gone through such difficult times together when they were younger and yet, now that he had moved away, Daisuke could no longer read his friend.

"Well," she looked up at him again for the first time and he tried to smile but failed dismally, producing something akin to a grimace, "I have to go back to work."

"Yeah," he could hardly keep his voice from being dismal, "I'll walk you back."

* * *

Daisuke wandered for hours contemplating what Hikaru had told him until the sky grew dark, covered by grey clouds heavy with rain. It was late afternoon when the torrential rain broke but Daisuke paid it no attention to it, continuing to walk aimlessly through crowded streets. Neon lights flickered on in shopfronts, their shape distorted by the haze of pouring rain. The sound of people walking, their footsteps slapping against the wet pavement, was somehow muted. Umbrellas began to appear on the streetscape, all of them black or other dark colours, except for the occasional bright red or blue. This simply reminded Daisuke more of the thoughts that were already jostling in his mind, amplifying his confused and violent emotions.

Water steadily dripped from his red bangs, falling swiftly past his eyes which were fixed on the ground in front of him. Baka! He cursed himself. How could I have been so stupid, so blind? Of course Satoshi wouldn't tell him. He had a decent amount of pride and wasn't one for complaining. And of course Satoshi wouldn't be living in a place like that if something hadn't happened. It was a place found out of necessity after losing one's home. The worst of all of this was that he had inconvenienced Satoshi at a time like this. The last thing the boy needed, contrary to Hikaru's opinion, was someone like Daisuke intruding upon his life and making a nuisance of himself. If only he'd told me! I did ask…if only he had sent an email back saying no…I wouldn't have come. God, I'm such an idiot. He could not push these thoughts away, they kept resurfacing.

How had he not seen that all of his friend's smiles were fake, covering the pain inside?

He should have seen this. Daisuke still remembered the time when Krad had inhabited his body and when Satoshi had attempted to conceal everything from Daisuke. He would lie so easily to the redhead, telling him he was fine when he was in pain, telling him that it was alright when the homicidal angel was torturing him inside. But Daisuke had thought they were past all this. Daisuke had wrongly believed that if Satoshi had needed him, he would have said so. Obviously, the elder boy could still lie so easily to his face. Didn't he want Daisuke's help? Did he think Daisuke wouldn't care?

"But I do care…" his quiet words were lost in the noise of the street. He stopped for a moment, looking at the rainy city all around him. The tall buildings were unfamiliar and ominously dark. Faceless and nameless people were everywhere, all with different stories, but blending into one homogenous crowd as they walked the pavement together. He suddenly realised that he was entirely lost, soaked through to the bone and shivering with cold. His stupidity seemed to have no end today…

_Look at me, I'm as helpless as a kitten up a tree.  
And I feel like I'm clinging to a cloud.  
I can't understand,  
I get misty, just holding your hand._

Abruptly his phone began ringing and Daisuke fished around in his pocket to find it. He wiped the wet screen with his sleeve which, also being wet, only succeeded in smearing water across the front of his phone. The caller ID read; 'Hiwatari, Satoshi'

Daisuke groaned. Right now, Satoshi was probably the last person on earth whom he could face but he answered the phone anyway. "Hello."

"Hey, Daisuke-kun," he paused, noticing the gloom in the other's voice, "Are you alright?"

"Y-yeah. What's up?" he stuttered before sneezing.

"I was wondering where you are actually, since there's no one at home," Satoshi said, the concern in his voice evident.

"Ah. Well…I don't know where I am," Daisuke said rather pathetically, looking around for a street sign. He felt drained and confused, and the thought of going back to Satoshi's place was not an inviting one. What was he going to say to the boy, if anything at all? If Satoshi hadn't told him then he obviously didn't want him to know, but still he couldn't say nothing about it. Not now that he knew.

"Mm." The redhead could just imagine Satoshi narrowing his eyes while he wondered what the hell Daisuke was doing.

"Well, the street sign says I'm on the corner of Shinjuku West street and Hatsudai street. I'm a bit lost sorry but if you could please give me directions to your place from there, that would be really helpful thanks," Daisuke asked as politely but unfortunately as awkwardly as possible.

Satoshi didn't say anything for a moment and, when he did speak, his voice was somewhat peculiar "That's quite close actually. Wait there and I'll come find you."

"Ah, no! Please don't come find me! It's raining and cold and if it's close I can find my way back," Daisuke pleaded. He couldn't bear how much of a nuisance he was.

"Just wait there." And he hung up. Daisuke couldn't tell if he was annoyed or not, but assumed the worst. Sighing, he went and waited under the cover of a building on the corner of the two busy streets, wrapping his arms around himself to keep warm.

_Walk my way,  
And a thousand violins begin to play,  
Or it might be the sound of your hello.  
That music I hear,  
I get misty, the moment you're near._

"Oh, for the love of…" Satoshi's annoyed voice trailed off as he stared at the soaking wet boy standing before him. "You're soaked through."

Daisuke had zoned out but, upon hearing this, his head snapped up to look at the older boy standing in front of him with an umbrella. His brow was furrowed in frustration but his deep blue eyes were full of concern. Daisuke's heart swelled with admiration for his friend. One usually wouldn't consider Satoshi to be a positive thinker, but Daisuke had never met anyone who had encountered so much misfortune and could still smile and be so concerned for others. On a sudden impulse, he threw his arms around Satoshi in a giant, and not to mention sopping wet, hug. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" Satoshi asked calmly enough, though he looked rather bewildered. Daisuke pulled away quickly, letting his arms hang limply at his sides as he stared at the pavement.

"For being a crap friend, and for getting lost, and getting your shirt all wet," he said, the words tumbling out of his mouth. He felt thoroughly wretched and quite pathetic. He was not himself.

"You're not a crap friend. You're the best friend I have," he stated, as if this were entirely obvious, "You had me quite worried on the phone and I don't know what's gotten into you but we need to get home. Look how cold you are," Satoshi sighed, taking Daisuke's shivering hand in his own and dragging him down the footpath.

"Then why didn't you tell me these things?" Daisuke mumbled, but luckily Satoshi couldn't hear him over the cars. Speaking a bit louder this time so the other could hear him, he said, "I'm sorry I made you worry."

Satoshi just shrugged, "Will you at least try and walk under the umbrella?"

"S-sorry," Daisuke took a quick few steps to catch up to the other boy, who, he realised, was still holding his hand even though his voice sounded exasperated. He couldn't really feel his fingers but the warmth coming from Satoshi's hand was nice.

_Can't you see that you're leading me on?  
And it's just what I want you to do.  
Don't you notice how hopelessly I'm lost,  
That's why I'm following you._

He felt like a lost pup following its master and suddenly he was overwhelmed by a feeling of futility, knowing that this was as close as he'd ever be to Satoshi. If Satoshi didn't even want Daisuke to be his best friend then there was no hope that he'd ever want him to be more. Wondering what sort of twisted logic kept Satoshi holding onto him, he swiftly dropped the other's hand in revulsion, causing the older boy to glance back at him inquisitively.

Useless self pity was quickly replaced by anger. It wasn't his fault that he hadn't helped Satoshi! How could he have possibly known any of this? His supposed friend had never told him, so why should he know? Why should he care when Satoshi obviously didn't? He felt the poisonous hatred growing inside, consuming him. He looked up, his red eyes boring holes into Satoshi's back.

Satoshi must have noticed this because he glanced back again through the rain at the boy who had fallen behind once more. His eyes were so beautiful. Daisuke just wanted to burst into tears for some reason. His anger was so unreasonable, so illogical. He couldn't understand the tumultuous emotions running through him.

"What on earth is wrong with you today?" Satoshi had stopped just outside his place, looking at Daisuke in apprehension and slight confusion. He put his hand on Daisuke's shoulder, making the younger boy look up at him with his innocent eyes. Then it hit him. He was here, with the person he loved most, and though something was wrong, it was not too late to salvage everything.

_On my own,  
When I wander through this wonderland alone.  
Never knowing my right foot from my left,  
My hat from my glove,  
I'm too misty, and too much in love._

He smiled genuinely at Satoshi, "Nothing's wrong."

* * *

Holding a paintbrush in his hand, Daisuke surveyed the final piece in front of him. Though he had planned not to show Satoshi this particular painting, he felt somewhat inclined to now in gratitude for Satoshi finding him that afternoon. They were now sitting in the living room, in much drier clothes than before, having just had dinner which Daisuke had insisted on cooking himself. Luckily he had acquired some skill from his mother and was not a total failure in the kitchen. He doubted Satoshi would have let him in the kitchen as much as he had if he was a terrible cook. Then again, knowing Satoshi, he probably would have put up with it just to be polite.

The blunette was currently lying on the couch, half asleep, but still petting Yuki who was curled up in his lap, happily purring. He looked exhausted. It was nice to know that he had Yuki, and her unconditional love, for a companion.

"Ne, Satoshi-kun?" the redhead asked timidly.

"Mm." Satoshi didn't open his eyes to look at the other.

"I've finished that painting that I said you couldn't see until it was finished. So…you can look at it now if you like." The older boy slowly stood as if it took a lot of effort and came to stand beside him. He viewed the painting of himself in the windowsill silently, looking at it over Daisuke's shoulder. "I-it's for you." He suddenly regretted the words as soon as he said them. How presumptuous. As if Satoshi would want it. "If you want it but..."

Satoshi shook his head, "I know you need it for your folio." Daisuke opened his mouth to protest but Satoshi continued, "Besides, Hikaru-san took some nice shots on her camera when we were out the other night. I'd much prefer to have those around the place."

He didn't like it. Daisuke looked back at the painting and childishly considered putting his brush straight through the middle of the canvas.

"It's nice but I don't need a picture of myself. I live with myself everyday. I'd rather have a picture of you," he smiled tiredly at Daisuke, who was suddenly happy as could be. Satoshi yawned.

"I think you need to go to bed."

"Probably," Satoshi replied, rubbing his eyes wearily.

"You can sleep in the bed again tonight, ne?" Daisuke asked, though it wasn't really a question as much as it was a subtle statement.

"But it's your turn. That's the deal," Satoshi stated bluntly. It had taken one heck of an argument in the first week for Satoshi to cave in to Daisuke's proposal that they should share the bed by alternating nights. It had taken almost three days for the stubborn boy to accept that this was quite a good idea, and Daisuke was glad he had persisted with it.

"Stuff the deal," Daisuke said, rather annoyed at Satoshi's stubborn adherence to rules over practicality. "You're the one who got in at four o'clock this morning and needs sleep."

Satoshi looked at him curiously, "How do you know that? You were asleep when I got back."

"Hikaru-san told me." Daisuke shrugged as he began neatly packing away his art supplies.

"Ah, so that's where you were this afternoon," he said more to himself than to Daisuke.

"Just take the damn bed," for once it was his voice that was monotone.

"You act as though I'm incapable of looking after myself," Satoshi joked but there was a slight edge to his tone.

"Well, sometimes you are," Daisuke looked up at him in frustration. The fatigue and stress of the day was evident on his face.

Satoshi sighed, sitting down on the bed. He looked up at the boy in front of him, easel under one arm, canvas in the other, and concern written all over his face. Those emotions were somehow familiar.

_I'm too misty,  
And too much,  
In love._

"Thanks," he said softly, not wanting to look at the boy but unable to pull his eyes away from the other's innocent red ones. His cute frown of agitated concern instantly turned into a beaming smile, and for the first time that day, Satoshi felt like things weren't going so crap.

* * *

A/N:  
Yes, it's a little confusing how people's emotions are jumping from happiness to angst etc. but I'm attempting to mirror real emotions, and they aren't always so straightforward either. Sometimes it gets confusing.

**Thank you for all your reviews!** Can I have more for being good and updating twice in four days? *grins deviously* _I won't have time to reply to them now_ that I'm at uni unless you have some great advice, but I have been trying to read some of your stories in return. I just haven't reviewed because my internet is dodgy and closes every time I open a pop-up window.

**Important:** And may I just say, because I know you're all probably getting a bit impatient with good cause, that next chapter is going to be hot! I'll try and update as soon as possible because I feel mean that I've strung you along this far with very little. So…stay tuned? XD

_Misty _– Ella Fitzgerald  
* Street signs are made up from train station names in Tokyo found with Google Earth


	7. A Funny Valentine, But Not for Me

Disclaimer: I do not own DN Angel or anything associated with it. Yukiru Sugisaki does.

**The Very Thought of You**

Chapter 6: A Funny Valentine, But Not for Me

* * *

_My funny valentine,  
Sweet comic valentine._

Daisuke was listening to one of Satoshi's records as he washed up the breakfast dishes. The older boy was gathering clothes and preparing to have a shower and get ready for work.

"I'll be back in a moment," Satoshi said nonchalantly, glancing at Daisuke before closing the door to the apartment behind him.

"Mm." Daisuke didn't really need to reply. It was one of those throw away phrases that people always use but which never really denote much. That look Satoshi just gave him though…

Abruptly the music was broken by the sound of his ringtone shrilling through the room.

"Ah, where did I put it?!" Daisuke was suddenly racing around the room, looking under the bed and the couch cushions and in his bag until he found the muffled sound coming from underneath some papers on the kitchen bench, "What on earth is it doing under there?"

Looking at the screen, it read 'Home'. Daisuke was struck by panic for a moment before quickly answering it, "Moshi, moshi."

"Dai-chan! Sweetie! How are you?" a sweet, high-pitched voice came from the other end of the line.

"Oh, hi mum," Daisuke forced a smile onto his face but didn't sound overly enthusiastic. His mother was still quite suspicious of Satoshi and had been ringing quite frequently. That she was not actually here in Tokyo spying on him was close to a miracle and probably thanks to his father. As much as he loved his mother, she could be a little intense sometimes…most times. "I'm good thanks. How is everyone at home?"

"We're fine. Now, Dai-chan, have you been eating properly?" she brushed his question aside, continuing in a serious voice.

"Yes, mum." Daisuke fought back the urge to roll his eyes.

"And you haven't been doing anything bad? No drinking? Smoking? Being out late at night? Are you taking a coat everywhere? It must be so cold!" her voice continued on in a tumult of worries.

"Mum-mu-hold on!" Daisuke couldn't really get a word in edgeways, she was speaking so fast.

"Oh Dai-chan, you make your poor mother worry so much. When are you going to leave that awful place and come home?" she pleaded making Daisuke feel rather guilty and at the same time annoyed, "Is that boy," she almost spat the word out as if it were distasteful to her before continuing in a sweet tone again, "being nice to you? He better because if he ever lays one finger on you-"

"Mum, calm down. It's fine here. And Satoshi-kun is always nice. You just don't believe it," she never has, Daisuke thought bitterly. "Anyway, I hardly even see him because he's always at work," Daisuke tried to remain as calm as he could.

"How could he leave you like that? Some friend!" Daisuke sighed. One minute she didn't want him near Satoshi, but the next she complained that he left him alone. "Dai-chan, you know he isn't any good. I don't know why you insisted spending your entire holiday with him and you haven't even seen your family or your friends!"

She always went down this sort of path when it came to Satoshi and it always led to Daisuke being considerably frustrated. He knew very well that he'd dedicated a year of his time to family and friends at home and absolutely none of it to Satoshi. If anyone were deserving of his attention and time right now, it was his best friend. "Mum, firstly, Satoshi _is_ one of my friends. And he's being a great friend right now. It was so kind of him to let me stay even though he has work and-" He was cut off abruptly again.

"Speaking of friends, I saw Riku-chan down the street the other day and my, my she is looking so pretty these days! And she's studying at the same university as you but a psychology course. Very smart. I don't know why you ever left her, Dai-chan." Emiko had never really gotten over Daisuke and Riku breaking up, and he knew it.

"Mum, she left me, remember?" he said distractedly. Though he'd told his mother it just wasn't working out with Riku, which was true, he'd never plucked up the courage to tell her that he was quite certain he was gay. He wasn't sure he'd ever have the courage to tell her. His father on the other hand knew because, let's face it, he would have figured it out even if Daisuke hadn't told him. In fact, he probably knew before Daisuke did.

"M-mum. Mum. Mum!" Daisuke attempted to interrupt her flow of words, not really wanting to hear about what Riku was wearing in that much detail, "Mum, can you please put dad on the phone?"

"What?! You don't want to speak to me!?" her tone was outraged but he could hear his father's calming voice in the background. Soon it was Emiko's voice that faded as his father took the phone from her.

"Hello, Daisuke-kun. Enjoying your holiday?" Daisuke was overjoyed to his hear his father's serene voice on the other end of the line. He hadn't had much of a chance to talk to him since he'd left. For a moment Daisuke wondered if there was a hint of irony in his tone, but he'd never told his father how he felt about Satoshi.

"Yeah, dad. It's going great. It's so good to see Satoshi-kun again. I met some of his friends and they're really nice. And I've been getting a fair bit of my art done because Satoshi-kun is at work at lot so there's not much else to do. Well, I mean, I could go out into the city and I have a couple of times…but I keep getting lost."

_You make me smile with my heart._

His father chuckled, "That sounds like you. And how is Hiwatari-kun?"

Daisuke made a hesitant sound, "Not good. I'm really worried about him, dad. When I first got here, he seemed really worn out and kind of down. I thought it must just be his job since it's pretty stressful and all. And they're on call all the time so he doesn't get much sleep. And he doesn't eat much, but then again, he's always been like that. But the other day I talked to one of his friends and by the sound of it, he's gone through a really rough time since he's been here."

"Mmm," Kosuke assented, allowing Daisuke to continue.

"And, I sort of needed your advice because…well, his friend told me things I technically shouldn't know. Because Satoshi never told me anything and I don't understand why! He's my best friend, I would have helped him. So, obviously, he didn't want me to know and I probably shouldn't bring it up, but I can't just say nothing! I think he needs help but I just don't know what to do," Daisuke implored his father, who was basically the rock of good judgement in his life.

"Well, Dai-kun, that depends on how serious you think the issue is. You don't have to tell me details but have a good think about it yourself. If you think he needs help than you should talk to him. In the end, you must do what you think is right, even if it isn't easy," Kosuke said steadily. He was slightly worried by what Daisuke was saying but knew his son was more like himself than his mother in that he had a good sense of judgement when he actually chose to exercise it. "After all, he is, as you say, you're best friend."

"Yeah, I'll think about it. Thanks, dad," Daisuke said resignedly knowing this probably wouldn't end well. The door handle clicked, and Daisuke glanced towards it. "I'll talk to you later. Ja ne."

"Ja." And with a metallic click his father's voice, and the strength Daisuke had felt from it, were gone. He stood there motionless, considering his choices. Even before talking to his father, he had decided what he was going to do – what he needed to do. He had just needed someone else, someone he looked up to and trusted, to agree with him.

_Your looks are laughable, un-photographable,  
Yet, you're my favourite work of art._

Satoshi stood in the doorway in his work uniform, rubbing his head with a towel. The nervous look on the younger boy's face caused him to ask, "Are you okay?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Daisuke said seriously, knowing that if he didn't confront Satoshi now, it would be harder to get the courage up later and the words and emotions of yesterday were still strong now. Satoshi closed the door with a soft _thump_ and stood there staring at Daisuke.

"What?" he asked, slightly confused by Daisuke's confrontational tone.

"I know you're not ok at the moment. Why didn't you tell me about all the awful things that have happened to you since you've been here?" he asked accusingly.

_Stay little valentine, stay!  
Each day is Valentine's Day._

"Daisuke, I don't understand what you mean," Satoshi said, still feigning slight confusion. He threw his towel over one of the chairs and flicked off the record player with a quick, harsh movement that gave away his full understanding of the situation. He began methodically packing his bag for work.

"Hikaru-san told me about Tai-san and your old apartment burning down," Daisuke's voice was softer now as he tried to keep calm. It was obvious now that Satoshi was avoiding the issue and really didn't want him to know, which wasn't making it any easier. But then again, it was never easy to fight with his best friend and he knew it.

Satoshi had frozen momentarily. His face was emotionless and his hand was paused halfway to the stack of papers on the bench. A murderous look crossed his eyes briefly and Daisuke wondered if the older boy was contemplating killing Hikaru for divulging such information. Possible but not probable, he decided.

"Why didn't you tell me?" the younger boy repeated, "I could have helped you." He added this aside with a sigh of disappointment. Satoshi had placed the papers in his bag, seemingly with a calm demeanour, and was now tapping his fingers against the back of a chair, considering his words carefully.

"I didn't tell you partly because I didn't want you to worry and also because being with you tends to make me forget about the bad things in life," he conceded, staring out the window pensively, but his voice became stern again, "Besides, I didn't need your help so why would I ask for it."

"Even so, I'm still your friend aren't I? Can't I know what's going on in your life even if it makes me worry? Isn't that what friends are supposed to do? Care about each other? Those were terrible things that happened, you lost a good friend and your home, and I would have wanted to be there for you, even if I couldn't be here physically," Daisuke implored his friend, who continued to stare out the window desolately, "And because I didn't know, I accidentally made Hikaru-san cry. I didn't mean to do that to her. I don't want her to be upset…" he trailed off sadly as he thought back on the pain he'd caused her.

"Yes, they were terrible but sometimes these things happen, especially in our profession. Even Hikaru knows this," his words strangely echoed hers. Was this some sort of weird mantra they had a work that helped them cope? He continued, his face cold and motionless, "It was either him or the rest of my team and the hostages. The rule is that you always choose whatever will save the most people so, I chose accordingly. That he was left behind and mortally wounded was unfortunate but that was his job and it didn't go right and sometimes it happens."

"You can't just spend your whole life saying 'sometimes these things happen' or 'sometimes that's just the way it is' because it doesn't have to be…well, maybe some things can't be helped but not always!" Daisuke entreated the seemingly emotionless young man.

Satoshi turned on him coldly, "And who are you tell to me how to live my life?"

Daisuke was taken aback by his icy glare. "I-wel-" he stammered.

"How could you ever understand what it's like to live with the knowledge that the choices you make kill people? People who have families and friends who will never see them again. And especially knowing that sometimes those people are friends you care about," his voice grated like steel against ice and Daisuke could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

"I have to go to work," he said grimly, still staring at the boy. He picked up his bag and began to walk towards the door, but he paused on the threshold. His tone was bitter, the remark calculated to wound, "Oh, and that was rather cruel of you to bring it up with Hikaru-san. You should have asked me first. Or are you that afraid of your best friend?"

"How could-" Daisuke began to yell out but the other boy had slammed the door behind him, "-I have known…" his voice trailed off. He banged his hands on the bench rashly in frustration before drawing back in pain. He clenched his fists, staring at the door and trying to ignore the throbbing ache.

* * *

On the metal balcony Daisuke attacked the canvas with red paint, allowing his anger to spill out into the painting. The figure, composed of red and white shadows and surrounded by red splotches, clung to their head with the hands, screaming furiously. Daisuke noticed he was breathing heavily, and told himself to calm down. Staring at the rough canvas, he hiccoughed a small, pathetic sob. Yuki mewed at him, rubbing up against his side. He looked down at her through eyes brimming with tears.

"He's my best friend…and I love him so much," the words were choked, spoken to no one but the confused cat, "Why won't he let me help him? Why is he so secretive? Why doesn't he trust me?"

He leaned back against the wall, paintbrush dripping in his hands. Drops of red paint fell lazily onto his paint-splattered jeans, trickling along the material until gravity no longer pulled them downwards and they paused to dry. Yuki mewed again sadly as if she could understand his feelings. He wanted to stroke her but his hands were covered in paint.

"What am I going to do?" he sighed, looking to the sky above as if it held inspiration. Pretend everything was alright? Well, it wasn't. Run away? That would be cowardly. Besides he had no where to go. Unless...the thought of getting on a train and going home today before Satoshi returned from work crossed Daisuke's mind briefly. Satoshi was definitely going to hold this against him when he got back from work. Daisuke didn't really want to fight. Their friendship was sometimes perilous enough as it was but if that was the only way... Perhaps he could just let it go for awhile, wait until Satoshi had calmed down and was ready to talk? That seemed just as unlikely as the first two, but he could try. Rain clouds had begun to gather in the distance. He guessed he would just have to stay and see how it went.

* * *

_They're writing songs of love - but not for me  
A lucky star above - but not for me_

Daisuke was sitting at the kitchen bench reading when Satoshi got home from work. Even as keys jangled and the door handle clicked softly, he did not look up from his book. He was making notes with one hand in a notebook as he read and leaning on the other. He heard, more than saw, Satoshi come in and put his bag down on the coffee table. Still, he did not look up. He waited patiently for the other boy to say something. A rustling of clothes followed by the sound of shoes falling to the ground. The sound of shuffling papers, the clunk of a laptop being placed on the table. Still, he did not look up.

Then he realised that Satoshi was not going to say anything. He was the master of stoic silence, able to outlast the younger boy in any argument they had ever had during highschool; Daisuke should have remembered this. Though his eyes read the same sentence again and again, his brain comprehended none of it. The hand that his head rested on was tensed against his cheek. He could feel the skin across his knuckles tighten as it slowly turned white.

He had a sinking feeling in his stomach as he asked tersely, "How was work?"

"Fine." His voice was detached and Daisuke could not see his face. He did not turn around but deduced that Satoshi must be sitting on the couch, doing some work or just staring at him. It certainly felt as if holes were being bored into the back of his skull. Silence hung uneasily between them, interrupted only by the intermittent sounds of the building; a creaking door here, a muted cough there. It was a long time before Satoshi spoke again and his voice was quite calm this time, "I'm sorry that I blamed you for brining it up with Hikaru this morning. You couldn't have known about their relationship."

"Mm," Daisuke assented neither positively nor negatively. At the moment, it was enough to acknowledge that Satoshi was at least speaking to him.

"But I'm curious to know," he paused, obviously looking at Daisuke now though the younger boy still refused to turn around, "It's unlikely Hikaru-san would have brought up the issue, so how did you learn of Tai-kun's existence in the first place?"

Daisuke froze, pen still dangling precariously from his fingers. He was going to have to tell him and there was no alternative. He cursed his friend's intelligence. Most other people would have left it alone, but not Satoshi Hiwatari. "I was awake the other night when you woke up from a dream. You had been calling his name and saying something like 'don't go'. And I got worried, so I asked Hikaru-san," he mumbled.

There was no reply. This time he just had to turn around. Satoshi looked astounded and rather horrified. "You…were awake?" he asked incredulously. Daisuke nodded unsurely, knowing that Satoshi was thinking of that remark. _At least I've still got you… _ "And you didn't tell me? You didn't think to ask? You pretty much just lied to me, and then went behind my back to ask Hikaru instead?" his voice was still disbelieving but had an edge of annoyance to it.

"Not exactly," Daisuke attempted to defend himself against the accusation.

"Well then what were you doing? Why'd you ask her?" Satoshi was getting frustrated now.

"I didn't want to ask you because I thought it would upset you – I mean, it looked like you were crying the other night – and you'd mentioned it anyway so why would you tell me now? I didn't realise it was going to upset her more!" he argued back, rising to the challenge in Satoshi's voice. There was a pause as Satoshi's piercing blue eyes assessed him.

"You're an idiot," he said bluntly. Suddenly he got up and walked over to the kitchen, getting a glass out of the cupboard and filling it at the tap. Daisuke was stunned for a moment, rather hurt by this biting remark.

"Well, if you'd been a better friend in the first place and told me, then we wouldn't have this problem," Daisuke fought back, following the other boy with his eyes. He could hear a voice in the back of his head, reminding him that he had said he didn't want to fight. But how could he not when Satoshi was being so cruel?

"I don't have to tell you everything," he replied coolly, looking out the small kitchen window.

"Well, duh. You don't have to tell me everything but not telling me anything at all, especially important things, kind of makes you a shit friend. I thought I was the one being a terrible friend to you, but frankly I can't do stuff all if you don't tell me things," Daisuke breathed in deeply, trying to calm himself. "Don't you trust me, Satoshi?" he implored. Satoshi looked rather taken back by this last comment.

"Of course I trust you but…" he trailed off, looking at the boy in confusion. For a moment it seemed that he was lost, his anger faltering.

"But what?" Daisuke prompted, instantly knowing he had crossed the line of no return and shouldn't have.

"It was just none of your damned business," Satoshi replied briskly, regaining his resolve from before. "That's all. You were miles away and it just didn't matter. You weren't here and you didn't need to know."

"Of course it mattered! Are you insane? When all of this happened, you should have taken some time off. Come and stayed with me for awhile back in Azumano – taken a break. I would have helped you through it; it's hard to lose a good friend, I know," Daisuke was pleading with him now. He had abandoned his chair awhile ago and was now leaning on the bench, looking across at the other boy imploringly.

"If I had needed your help I would have asked for it," Satoshi looked up at him coldly, "But I didn't need it and I didn't want it. I took care of things."

"Oh, really? Look at your life! It's a fricking mess! And you're a wreck!" Daisuke didn't mean for his words to be cruel, but the anger building up inside ensured that they came out that way. How could Satoshi be so blind? Instantly he regretted saying it, though it was the truth. But some things don't need to be said. He pulled back for a moment, trying to assess the situation more, but before he had a chance to stop the mad, degenerate path they were on, Satoshi attacked him again.

"And what would you know of my life?" his voice was deadly cold, "You think you know me, but take another look. No one really knows me, least of all _you_. What would you know about pain, Daisuke Niwa? Innocent Daisuke Niwa who has never suffered, who has never wanted to jump off a building because it was simply too much to bear. What would you know of suffering and anguish?!" Ice cold blue eyes locked with fiery red ones for a moment.

"I'm not a mind reader, Satoshi," Daisuke bit back sarcastically, "How am I meant to know these things if you never tell me _anything_? I can't just guess all the time. It makes it harder especially when you never reply to any of my emails or calls. How was I meant to know?!"

"Because I don't want you to know! I'm sick of you worrying. Part of the reason I moved away was to get away from you. I don't want you to care anymore! I don't want you to worry about me anymore! I can take care of myself. I don't need you. In fact, I don't really need you in my life at all!" Satoshi voice was harsh, years of contained anger bursting forth into a torrent of sharp words. If Daisuke had been more observant, and less emotionally unstable at the time, he might have noticed from the hurt in Satoshi's eyes that most of this anger was directed at himself rather than the redhead.

But he did not notice and instead recoiled, wounded and slightly stunned. Satoshi had moved to get away from…him?

"I don't need you to fucking mother me all the time. I don't have a mother, she's dead, and frankly you're not her replacement," he spat the words out bitterly, his voice much lower now. The glass clattered loudly from his hand onto the bench.

"I'm not trying to mother you!" Daisuke protested angrily.

"Yeah, well then what the hell are you doing here in my life?" he asked scathingly, his blue eyes flashing from underneath his cerulean bangs.

_With love to lead the way I've found more clouds of grey,  
Than any Russian play - could guarantee._

Stepping towards the boy, Daisuke stretched out his arm to place a consoling hand upon Satoshi's shoulder in an attempt to placate the boy but he stopped abruptly as the dream from several nights ago hit him with considerable force. He'd forgotten about it but the words ringing in his mind sounded so familiar. _Why are you here, Daisuke? Why are you in my life? _He stood, stunned, considering the agitated boy in front of him who leaned against the bench, eyes shut in a desperate attempt to keep the tears that resided there from falling.

Silent. It was always silent between them. Daisuke couldn't stand it. He wanted to yell and scream. Anything to fill this awful void that tore them apart.

"I'm here because you're my best friend, and you're my best friend because I like being with you. I want to see you and talk to you, it makes me happy. I care about you. But besides these reasons, I'm here mainly because…," his soft voice faltered, and Satoshi glanced up at him with shining azure eyes, "I'm here in your life because I love you. More than anything. I wish you could understand that," his voice was strained as he spoke. Anger had subsided and given way to deep unhappiness. He didn't want to fight with Satoshi. He didn't want it to be like this. He wanted them to be happy, like they used to be without this constant tension.

Satoshi did not speak and Daisuke refused to look up at him. He was too afraid to see what his words had done.

When he did glance up eventually, he saw Satoshi standing in front of him. His eyes followed the path up from the buttons of his shirt, to the pale skin of his neck, to the firmness of his lips and finally the deep blue of those eyes that haunted him. Standing so close as they were now, with only their breathing separating them, a memory flashed to the forefront of Daisuke's mind. Once when they were walking home from a party in highschool Daisuke and Satoshi had been standing like this. Inches away from the other, Daisuke had been overwhelmed and had accidentally, and drunkenly, leaned over to kiss the older boy. Needless to say they never spoke of it again, and though neither had forgotten it, both had tried to write it off as merely a dream. But he had always wanted to experience the electric feel of that kiss again and now, hand gently grasping Satoshi's shirt, he could.

He pressed his lips firmly to Satoshi's, desperately trying to convey in a simple action what words could not. As soon as his lips touched the elder boy's, he was suddenly overwhelmed by panic, knowing the other would be repulsed, but he was amazed to find Satoshi's mouth rising to respond to his, as if he had known all along that it was inevitable and that the tension between them was unspoken desire.

Suddenly Satoshi's arms were behind him, pulling him closer, more intensely into the kiss. It was at first clumsy, but feverous and passionate; everything Daisuke had ever wanted. As he ran his tongue tentatively over Satoshi's lips, seeking to explore further, he felt his back being pressed lightly against the kitchen wall behind him. The older boy complied, dominating his mouth. Daisuke fought back the urge to moan. He couldn't breathe but couldn't really care less. Satoshi's hands were running down his body, over his hips, and the redhead melted beneath his touch. His own hands were rather occupied, tangled as they were in the blunette's hair. Satoshi planted a trail of hot kisses along his neck, ending at his collarbone, which the elder boy nipped at playfully. Daisuke drew in a sharp breath. They were lost in a haze of heat and longing, and Daisuke never wanted it to end. He was in ecstasy. All rational thought had disappeared, leaving his mind ignorant to anything but the boy in front of him.

With that first kiss, the final frontier that had existed throughout their friendship had been crossed. All remaining barriers had crumbled. Nothing was left but them. Nothing mattered but the warmth of the other's embrace. Nothing seemed real but the skin beneath their touch.

* * *

_I was a fool to fall - and get that way._

Daisuke sighed. He knew they would probably regret all this in the morning, in the harsh reality of daylight, but right now, shrouded in the darkness of night, he didn't really care. He watched Satoshi's even breathing, lazily tracing nondescript patterns on his back. The scars caused by beautiful white wings so many years ago were visible but faded. Leaning in, he gently kissed the cool, pale skin causing his sleeping friend to roll towards him, mumbling his name. Wait, Daisuke questioned his thoughts. Friend? No. Lover? Truthfully, he didn't know. Daisuke closed his eyes for a moment, warding away the confusing thoughts. Opening them again, he gazed at the other boy who looked so peaceful as he slept. Only Daisuke would know the horrors he had harboured. But that was just a distant memory, everything was so different now. Smiling, he stroked the boy's blue hair.

A train rattled past, the sound of it loud through the open window just above the bed. Its lights flashed past, creating odd shadows on the walls. Sitting up, Daisuke gathered the sheets around his middle. The night was slightly warm and through the window he could see the flickering lights of Tokyo in the darkness. He leant back against the wall, letting the faint breeze wash over him. He could smell the rain coming. Satoshi's head rested on the sheets in his lap, and he continued to run his hands gently through the older boy's hair.

Daisuke let the stillness of the moment engulf him, the sound of Satoshi's breathing mingling with that of the cars in the street below. If only we could stay like this, Daisuke thought to himself, how much easier that would be. Daylight posed too many questions. Difficult questions about what had happened and what it meant, how it would change the future. Their futures. Daisuke couldn't even figure out how he felt about it now. He was all too aware that he was leaving in five days. If only they could stay in the darkness…

Dark.

Daisuke was unsure whether to cringe or laugh when he thought of the colourful abuse he would be subjected to right now if Dark were still here, still with him. At a moment like this, he was rather glad his other half was no longer with him. He gazed out the window, imagining black wings soaring above the city skyline. How he missed flying and that intense feeling of freedom and exhilaration that accompanied it. But they were normal people now, he and Satoshi, just like everyone else. Or perhaps as normal as he and his eccentric blue-haired friend could be.

_Although I can't dismiss,  
The memory of his kiss._

Suddenly an odd vibrating sound coming from the table woke Daisuke from his thoughts, and he turned to see Satoshi's phone light up. It jumped lightly across the coffee table, screen flashing, before Daisuke leaned over to pick it up. The caller ID read: 'Tokyo Police'.

"Satoshi-kun, wake up," he said softly as he lightly shook the boy, who proceeded to turn the other way whilst mumbling something unintelligible. "Satoshi!" A bit louder this time.

"Huh?" Satoshi finally looked up at him, bleary eyed but somewhat awake. Daisuke was struck for a moment. He looked so…dare he say, adorable. "What is it?" Satoshi asked. He suddenly looked at the phone that was still ringing silently in Daisuke's hand. Taking it tentatively, he answered the call quickly while the younger boy looked on.

"Yes?" A pause. "I see. Yes, sir. Understood." Satoshi ran his hands through his hair in an exasperated manner. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

Daisuke listened to this one-sided conversation as though it were simply another background noise. It hardly registered in his mind as Satoshi got up and quickly began throwing clothes on and rummaging around in the dark room for his identification badge. He only looked up slightly when Satoshi appeared at the edge of the bed again, regarding him forlornly.

"I have to go. There's been an emergency," he fidgeted with the keys in his hands. Daisuke simply nodded. "I'm sorry. This is so confused…" Satoshi looked awkward, as if he couldn't quite figure out what to say, "But I'm glad you came to stay…," he looked away, unsure for a moment, before brushing Daisuke's cheek gently with his hand, "Dai-chan." And with a swift kiss, he was gone, leaving Daisuke alone in the darkness. He closed his eyes.

You knew it would be like this. You knew it wouldn't be perfect straightaway. Nothing ever is.

_I guess he's not for me._

The rain started as one drop, followed by another and another, until it was pouring outside. The cold drops coming through the window forced Daisuke to close it, leaving him in the pressing silence of the small, dark room. The ghostly voices of common sense, his mother, and Dark plagued him until the sun rose unsteadily through the grey sky an hour or two later. Yet the glowing smile never left his face.

* * *

_I was a fool to fall - and get that way._

The rain continued late into the day, as did Satoshi's work. By four o'clock in the afternoon there was still no word and no sight of him. Daisuke had not been able to sit still all day but this had not prevented him from accomplishing absolutely nothing. His thoughts were filled with questions and memories, all crying out for attention, and had no mind left to dedicate to any other task. He had sat, for the greater part of the day, in front of a blank canvas, paintbrush in hand, yet never moving.

_Although I can't dismiss,  
The memory of his kiss._

It felt too good to be true. But it had happened in such a strange manner that it must be. At any rate, none of it made sense.

There was no way they could be together, even though it was what Daisuke had always wanted. And seemingly, it was what Satoshi had wanted too. How could he never have noticed? If only they had realised sooner, during all those years of awkward tension, then maybe they could have worked it out. But not now. Not now that Satoshi lived in Tokyo and Daisuke miles away in Azumano. Not now that they both had commitments to work and study. It seemed so unfair.

_I guess he's not for me…_ However, that could be changed. If Daisuke had waited this long, he could make it work. He _would_ make it work

"I'm home," Satoshi said, wearily pushing open the door and closing it behind him. Suddenly he was swamped by a hug, catching the boy in his arms, and felt a quick peck placed on his cheek.

"Welcome back." The red-head whose arms hung around his neck looked up at him, smile positively beaming. Satoshi was taken aback, staring at the bubbly boy before him. Then again, it was Daisuke, and he should have expected this to some extent. He smiled unsurely in return. This was all new to him, so unfamiliar and leaving him somewhat afraid. But he how could he not smile when he was greeted so happily by the person he had always loved?

Until now, his greeting had been a hollow one, spoken to a cat that didn't particulaly care. But suddenly, the place truly did feel like home.

* * *

A/N:  
I can't even convey to you all how much this chapter makes me want to shoot myself in the foot. It is just that badly planned and written but it's here now and I've tried to fix it up as much as possible. PiratePenguin666 pointed out that Daisuke's emotions in the last two chapters have been quite turbulent but he always struck me as someone who would have tumultuous feelings and not be quite mature enough to control them. Satoshi on the other hand can but has been pushed to breaking limit.

**EDIT: **PiratePenguin666 (once again thanks for your always honest feedback) pointed out that this chapter progresses a little quickly and randomly, so hopefully my editing (which involved some significant re-writing) helps it seem a little less confusing.

**To annonymous reviewer 'satoXdaiRULEZ': **makes it kind of hard to reply to you when you don't have an account, so hopefully you get this. Yes, it seems quite confusing sorry, but seriously sometimes when you're fighting with someone you just look at them and think 'my god you're hot, let's make out'. Anyway, to answer your question: when Daisuke thinks of accidentally kissing Satoshi at a party, that is a memory flashback of when they were younger, so yes they are still in Satoshi's apartment when this is all taking place. I hope that clears up your confusion.

_My Funny Valentine _– Ella Fitzgerald  
_But Not for Me_ – Ella Fitzgerald


	8. La Vie en Rose

Disclaimer: I do not own DN Angel or anything associated with it. Yukiru Sugisaki does.

**The Very Thought of You**

Chapter 7: La Vie en Rose

* * *

The same feeling which he had experienced during that panic-stricken moment when he'd kissed Satoshi and realised that the other boy might be entirely repulsed consumed him now. They were sitting at the bench eating dinner and he knew that, at any moment now, Satoshi would turn to him and say that it was all a mistake. He wouldn't – couldn't – like Daisuke. He was a bumbling idiot and Satoshi was…was…well, _Satoshi_. Was he even sure he was gay? At any rate, it would end with him being utterly rejected after being accidentally accepted. Last night had been confused, passion taking precedence over any thought of rationality, but in the ruthless reality of daylight, Satoshi would have seen everything differently and reconsidered. As they sat there, Daisuke was inwardly writhing in anxiety. To be rejected now would be too much to bear. His emotions had already done enough crazy gymnastics in the last couple of days without having to bend over backwards to complete desolation again.

He stared straight forward, looking at the kitchen sink in the opposite bench, glancing furtively sideways now and then to look at the blunette. His countenance was unchanging as usual and the suspense of not knowing was killing Daisuke so slowly that he almost fell out of his chair when Satoshi finally spoke.

"Daisuke-kun-" he gravely began what seemed like a question but never got to finish, having been interrupted abruptly by the redhead whom he addressed.

"Don't!" Daisuke said hastily, pleading with the other boy, "Please don't say what you're going to."

"You don't want me to ask when you're leaving?" Satoshi asked calmly, quizzically raising an eyebrow.

"Oh." The boy looked dumbfounded. He was quite used to this sinking feeling of stupidity as he'd never really grasped the concept of thinking before speaking. It was still something he grappled with on a daily basis of embarrassment.

"What did you think I was going to say?" Satoshi smiled knowingly, and Daisuke wondered if the other boy could read his mind.

"Um…" Daisuke blushed furiously before continuing in a joking manner, "Something along the lines of; oh sorry but this was all a mistake and I don't actually like you in that way so can you please get out?"

The attempted humour of the remark either escaped Satoshi's notice or he intentionally ignored it but, whichever it was, he continued in a serious tone anyway.

"But I've always liked you in that way, ever since middleschool. I don't think my feelings are so capricious that they'd change in twenty four hours when they haven't changed for six years," he said in a straightforward way, not looking at Daisuke. He paused, staring at the food he was pushing around the plate distractedly, "Especially not now that I know you feel the same way."

"You've liked me since…middleschool?" Daisuke asked incredulously. Satoshi nodded, the faintest of blushes gracing his cheeks; so much so that it was almost imperceptible, even to Daisuke.

It all seemed so sudden that Daisuke wondered if it was actually possible for Satoshi to have liked him that long without giving any indication that he did. Or was it simply that Daisuke had not noticed? All those looks, those accidental touches that were drawn away from so quickly because they burned like fire – was it possible that Daisuke had missed so many hints over the years? Obviously anything was possible, because if it weren't, he wouldn't be sitting here contemplating this right now. Lately, Daisuke had thought his mind was playing tricks on him but suddenly some of Hikaru's more obscure comments became clearer.

No wonder Satoshi had never accepted any of his admirers nor wanted to discuss relationships. He had liked Daisuke a heck of a lot longer than the younger boy had liked him and had valiantly put up with all the teasing throughout middleschool and highschool. Not that it ever seemed to affect him, he had always been the stoic, silent boy he still was sometimes, but, on the inside, it must have been torturous to have Daisuke as a best friend. Geez, and he thought he'd been suffering! The redhead was overwhelmed with compassion for Satoshi and promptly leaned over to give him a chaste peck.

"Don't worry. I've liked you for a long time too. Well, since highschool actually," he said, his innocent smile lighting up his entire face.

If Satoshi was surprised, he did not show it. Instead a small smile crossed his face as he said, irony lacing his tone, "I suppose it's shame then that we didn't realise sooner."

"I suppose," Daisuke agreed, staring at the ceiling as he mused on the thought, "It would have made it totally awkward at school though."

"Are you suggesting that school wasn't incredibly awkward anyway?" Satoshi asked, chuckling.

"Well…" he trailed off unsurely, before laughing at the ridiculous memories that came back to him. Satoshi had him there; school had pretty much been excruciatingly embarrassing as they navigated that awkward phase from adolescence to adulthood. But it didn't matter now. The ice between them was broken; they were still friends, if not more. Daisuke smiled. Maybe the next five days weren't going to be as uncomfortable as he'd initially thought.

* * *

Daisuke was really beginning to like the old music that Satoshi had. He'd gone through nearly every record so far, and was listening to a crackly edition of Louis Armstrong's album _Hello Dolly_ at the moment. Though he still couldn't understand it all, having not really practiced his English since leaving school, he felt as if he could comprehend the meaning simply through the music. It conveyed so much emotion, especially when the trumpet began to play.

The song he was listening to now was slower, and sitting as he was in the windowsill taking a break from painting, he was enjoying letting the chords of the song sweep over him. He was on his sixth artwork at present, and though not all were finished yet, they had certainly been started at least.

_Hold me close and hold me fast.  
The magic spell you cast,  
This is la vie en rose._

Daisuke painted mostly during the day when Satoshi wasn't home. It wasn't that he was trying to hide his paintings from the older boy but sometimes Satoshi had a tendency to watch him paint with an intensity which weirded Daisuke out. Perhaps, as a Hikari to whom the talent came naturally and was almost a burden, he found it odd that others would aspire to achieve the very thing that had cursed him. Perhaps it was broader than just that, because it wasn't just anyone aspiring to a perfect their art, it was…a Niwa.

"I should get back to it," he sighed, glancing from the canvas down to Yuki, who was rolling around on the floor in a beam of sunlight. She had a knack for following its path across the room until the sun eventually set. He seated himself on the tall stool in front of the canvas once more, picking up the brush that lay on the wooden frame. This was the last bit of painting he was going to get done before he returned the easel to Keiko tomorrow with a giant bunch of flowers and a 'thank you' card if he could find one that was suitably…un-girly.

The brush trailed effortlessly across the canvas as if guided by a force beyond his own control, leaving strokes of colour, of light and dark. Sometimes it felt as if his hand was detached from his body, painting and moving at its own will rather than his. He knew it had to be his own hand, it was his own body that he inhabited after all, but in his mind, he was watching someone else. It was mesmerising. Was it, as Dark had once said to him in a moment of solemnity, his own heart that was moving the brush rather than the mechanical motion of his hand?

When he awoke from his reverie, a woman who was recognisable to him as Hikaru but whom no one at university would identify stared back at him. Her back was facing the viewer and she was contorted as she tried to twist around to look directly at him; challenging him, defying him with those eyes. She was bare from the waist up, showing her flourishing wings on otherwise unblemished skin. Behind her was a mirror, mounted on the tiled wall of the dimly lit bathroom. Her forearms covered her breasts and her hands ended up joining together in the shape of a heart, covering the space where the real one was. Barely visible in the blurred reflection of the mirror, almost hidden but nurtured in the cup of her hand, was the tattoo of the three aces. True to life, the one card that was missing was the ace of hearts. His unspoken apology to her.

"I'm sure she would like it," a voice said quietly next to his ear. How had he not noticed the weight of the arms that encircled his waist or that of the head that rested on his shoulder? Strands of blue hair converged with red in his peripheral vision.

"Do you think I should show it to her? Would she appreciate that or just be pissed off?" Daisuke asked, putting down the paintbrush so he could hold the slender arms that were around him.

"Definitely. She'd be pissed off if you didn't show her," Satoshi said humorously.

"True," Daisuke chuckled, leaning back against the other boy. He could just imagine the look on her face. His sense of time and the world around him was slowly coming back. Glancing at the window, he realised that the sun had set and that he must have been sitting in the dark until Satoshi got home from work and turned on a light. "Er, have you just gotten home?"

"Mm," the other concurred, pressing a kiss to his red hair.

"Ah, sorry. I didn't really notice…I kind of spaced out," Daisuke rubbed the side of his head absentmindedly, probably getting paint in his already messy hair.

"I know. You always have the same look on your face when you do that. It's rather cute," Satoshi said, stepping back and smiling serenely at him. Daisuke's face slowly began to match his hair colour. "You'd be forgiven, of course, for a hug."

There was no way Daisuke was going to turn down an offer like that.

* * *

_When you kiss me heaven sighs,  
And though I close my eyes,  
I see la vie en rose._

Daisuke sat down on the windowsill, talking to the boy who stood just outside it. "Hey, I was going to make some dinner now. Do you want stir fry? Mum taught me how to make this really good one though Towa-chan kind of…" he paused, frowning at the cigarette in Satoshi's hand. The other boy looked sheepish as he leaned against the wall, illuminated faintly by the light from inside. Daisuke sighed, "You know, it really is bad for your health."

"I know," he mumbled guiltily. Daisuke swung his legs over the sill and jumped up, deftly nabbing the cigarette from his hand. He crushed it into the overflowing ashtray that sat on the windowsill, along with all its other companions and their deathly grey powder.

They stood there for a moment, motionless, staring at each other and trying to gauge what the other was thinking before Satoshi suddenly circled his arms around him. Daisuke leaned in, pressing his body against the other's. He shivered slightly at the contrast between Satoshi's warmth and the cold of the night which shrouded them. When he kissed him, though the scent of the last cigarette lingered on Satoshi's teeth, he could never taste it. He couldn't describe how Satoshi tasted, but he knew that it was good and it always left him wanting more.

* * *

_When you press me to your heart,  
I'm in a world apart,  
A world where roses bloom._

"Ah, Daisuke-kuun, you have to come see this movie that Saaya-san and I have wanted to see for ages!" Hikaru excitedly told him over the phone, habitually lengthening her vowels. "Iku-kun and Ryou-kun are coming too. I promised Ryou he could sit next to Saaya." She giggled.

"Uh…yeah, sure. Sounds good," he laughed, asking, "What's it about?"

"It's some kickass action movie with this totally hot guy in it who Saaya-san and I want to marry in the future. So not a useful description but whatever. It's meant to be really good. It's called 'Street Fighter'. You want to come?" Sometimes she had the tendency to sound like an apathetic teenager. Perhaps it was the influence of her younger sister, who she'd mentioned was in highschool.

"Sure, we'll come see it," he agreed cheerfully.

"Cool. We're meeting in an hour at the usual cinema – Satoshi-kun knows the one I mean. By the way, Dai-kun," she asked curiously, "Why are you answering Satoshi's phone?"

Daisuke blushed as he looked down at the boy whose head was resting in his lap. He was running one hand through blue hair whilst the other held the phone against his ear. Satoshi looked up at him from the paperwork he was reading questioningly. "Um…he's busy? Doing paperwork…" Daisuke offered as a pathetic explanation.

"Uh-huh. See you at eight," she deadpanned.

And so they ended up at the cinema, watching some film that no one except Saaya and Hikaru really seemed interested in. Daisuke was seated between Satoshi and Hikaru, the latter of whom was giggling and whispering animatedly with Saaya who was next to her. Ryou seemed to be staring at Saaya more than the film and Iku, who was on his other side, watched the screen without emotion. He was probably zoned out, thinking about something else. Daisuke wouldn't blame him. Though the film wasn't particularly gripping, Daisuke did have to agree with the girls that the main guy was pretty good looking; not that he would admit that out loud of course.

At some point during the film, he felt Satoshi subtly slip his hand into his own. Daisuke glanced sideways at him but the other boy stared stoically at the screen. He smiled, entwining his fingers with Satoshi's as he shifted his focus back to the film. The tingling warmth emanating from the contact spread up Daisuke's arm and across his being, making him intensely happy and the film much more enjoyable than it probably would have been.

As soon as the film finished and the lights of the room flickered back on, Daisuke realised that his hand was holding thin air. They all walked out of the cinema, chatting and laughing, and Daisuke noted how Satoshi had immediately shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket. Perhaps he wasn't ready for his friends to know just yet. Perhaps Daisuke wasn't either.

* * *

_And when you speak, angels sing from above.  
Everyday words seem,  
To turn into love songs._

Daisuke sat on the couch, in a rather large jumper, with his legs tucked up firmly beside him under a blanket. He was slowly stroking the sleek, black fur of the cat which was curled up in his lap. Both were trying to keep warm as the temperature had dropped precariously low tonight for some reason and Satoshi's place had no heating to speak of.

"She'll miss you when you go," Satoshi said, regarding them from his seat at the kitchen bench. "I think she's enjoyed having someone at home all the time to spoil her rather than an owner who's never here. I haven't seen her around so often as when you've been here."

"I haven't spoilt her," Daisuke protested, tickling Yuki behind the ear. She happily leant her heads towards him, encouraging him to continue.

"Mm, sure," he replied sarcastically, resisting the temptation to roll his eyes.

"I haven't!" he objected again. "I've just fed her and given her lots of attention. That's exactly what With gets at home…I miss him," the younger boy added sadly as he thought of the little white ball of fluff that was his pet.

"No wonder that odd little creature loves you so much. Don't worry; you'll see him soon enough and I'm sure he'll be very happy that you're back," Satoshi comforted the other boy. He watched the boy pamper Yuki a little longer before joking, "So basically, you're just a slave to anything cute, ne? Or is it just little fluffy animals?"

Daisuke pulled a face at him and Satoshi simply smiled at his two most beloved beings. The sight was almost too much for him to resist. He looked somewhat forlornly back at the report in front of him that he was meant to be writing. He wasn't going to get any work done tonight. Besides, it was only paperwork that was going to sit in a filing cabinet for five years. Damn bureaucracy; it could wait. Throwing down his pen in resignation, he walked over to the couch to join them.

"Who did you say was a slave to the cuteness of small, fluffy animals?" Daisuke asked mockingly, as Satoshi leaned against him, petting Yuki's head. She was purring, absolutely content with having all attention directed at her.

"How do you know that it's not your adorableness that I'm a slave to? Might have nothing to do with small, fluffy animals," Satoshi replied deviously, causing Daisuke to blush. Large, innocent eyes looked up at him and Satoshi couldn't help but wonder if what he said was true. He would do an awful lot for the sake of those eyes.

* * *

_Give your heart and soul to me,  
And life will always be ,  
La vie en rose._

Satoshi was lying on the bed, knees pulled up, reading a book entitled 'This Night's Foul Work'. Daisuke, who was laying next to him on his stomach, was inspecting the cover of the novel which depicted a snowy field with blood stains across it. Daisuke had never really been an enthusiast for crime fiction, which is what he assumed this book was seeing as blood usually gave it away. Then again, with the rise in teenage vampire romance novels, you never knew…

He was rather bored having finished his own reading that he had to complete for his history of fine art subject. It had taken a long while to get through but, that said, it had been a very detailed three-hundred-and-sixty-seven-page book about pop art history. Unexpectedly, he was struck by a rather devious idea, resulting in a plan to distract the other boy. He began running his fingers lightly up and down Satoshi's arm, which was holding his book up, but to no avail; the other boy simply ignored him. He sighed, pulling himself further up the bed so that his head rested against Satoshi's shoulder.

"Is your book any good?" Daisuke asked, looking at the page over his shoulder. The words printed there swam before his eyes, having no meaning without context.

"Hn." Satoshi replied in his unintelligible monosyllabic way that still surfaced every now and then when he was intensely interested or distracted by something.

"What's it about?" he tried again to distract the boy's attention from the novel but the attempt was futile. There was no reply to this question. Daisuke looked up, watching Satoshi's deep blue eyes flicker quickly from line to line, progressing rapidly down the page. He sighed, resting his head in the crook of Satoshi's neck again. With a swift flick of his hand, the older boy turned the page. Daisuke lay there patiently for awhile, letting his breath caress Satoshi's skin. With a small movement he nudged his head gently against Satoshi's, not unlike a small kitten demanding attention. Another page turned.

He drew patterns on Satoshi's shirt, his fingers running lightly across his chest and over the soft, exposed skin between his collar bones at the base of his neck. He could feel a pleasant tingling sensation rising through the tips of his fingers as he traced the outline of Satoshi's jaw. This produced no visible effect either, with Satoshi's breathing still even under his hand. Another page turned.

Encouraged by the lack of any response, Daisuke began to place light kisses along the skin he had just touched. He was pretty sure some of his spiky red hair must be obscuring Satoshi's book but this did not discourage the elder boy from still attempting to read past it. As his lips continued their path along Satoshi's jaw to below his ear, Daisuke reflected that he would usually be upset at being ignored like this but this was different. It was a direct challenge, and goodness knew that the little thief-at-heart still liked a challenge. But only when he won, and right now, he was not winning. Satoshi's eyes continued to coolly scan his book, paying no heed to what Daisuke was doing. His kisses became more adventurous, bolder, and he nipped Satoshi's skin lightly with his teeth. Another page turned.

Suddenly, he was struck by a thought. Looking at the boy's pale skin in fascination, he wondered. What would Satoshi do if he…? His eyes flickered up to the boy's stoic face in hesitation but the temptation was too great. He leaned in and very slowly ran his tongue along the length of Satoshi's neck. He drew back tentatively, grinning impishly, unsure of the effect his action would produce. But the blunette was unmoved.

What he had failed to notice though, was that Satoshi's eyes were no longer rapidly moving across the page, which he had not turned for some time now. In fact, if Daisuke were more observant, he would have noticed that Satoshi's eyes had been fixed for some considerable amount of time on the same exact spot on the page. And it was taking no small amount of determination to keep them there.

However Daisuke did not observe these things and instead huffed in annoyance at his seeming defeat. He rolled over onto his back, leaning slightly towards the window, and ran his hand along the cold, white wall which was probably more feeling, he reflected sulkily, than the boy beside him.

Abruptly the other boy broke his silence. "Don't be miserable," Satoshi said flippantly, snaking an arm around Daisuke's waist and pulling the boy back towards him.

"Don't be miserable?! I just got trumped by a crime fiction novel!" Daisuke complained, trying resentfully to resist the pull of the young man who was, admittedly, much stronger than him.

Satoshi chuckled, letting the book fall to one side and finally enveloping Daisuke in his arms. "Not really, I'm just teasing you," he said, a small mischievous smile on his face. The younger boy pouted but was quickly won over as Satoshi drew him into a kiss. He never could hold a grudge against anyone for long, especially not against the blunette.

* * *

A/N:  
Yay! Pointless fluff! *throws fluff into the air* I'm terrible at writing it, I find it so awkward, but it's what you're all here for, so hopefully it's okay. My brain is much clearer and less stressed after a week break, so hopefully this chapter flows much better than the last two. These were meant to be just five snippets of the days Daisuke had left in Tokyo, showing a slight progression in their relationship.

'_This Night's Foul Work'_ is actually a crime fiction novel by Fred Vargas. But the movie, I just made that up. And I mean slave in the dictionary sense of: 'one under the entire domination of some influence _eg_. a slave to fashion.' Not meant to offend in any way.

**Did I forget to mention how much I love you guys and your awesome reviews!!!** Sometimes I get so down about my writing or this story and then I get a lovely review from one of you and BAM the world seems like a much better place. So, thanks heaps guys – you're awesome!

Note to anonymous reviewer SatoxDaiRulez: I left you a message at the end of last chapter so if you haven't gotten it, now you know.

_La Vie en Rose_ – Louis Armstrong

**P.S.** There are another three or so chapters after this, 'tis not the end…yet


	9. Every Time We Say Goodbye

Disclaimer: I do not own DN Angel or anything associated with it. Yukiru Sugisaki does.

**The Very Thought of You**

Chapter 8: Every Time We Say Goodbye

* * *

One month.

Three weeks.

Thirty days.

Seven hundred and twenty hours.

Forty-three thousand, two hundred minutes.

He didn't even want to figure out what it was in seconds. All he knew was that it wasn't long enough.

* * *

_Every time we say goodbye, I die a little,  
Every time we say goodbye, I wonder why a little._

Daisuke regarded the suitcase he'd been living out of for a month forlornly. This couldn't be real; he was somehow living in a waking dream. How had all that time passed so quickly? The last couple of days had possibly been the happiest of his life and now he was sitting on the floor, folding clothes to be carefully placed into the case alongside that happiness. He sighed heavily, red bangs falling haphazardly over his closed eyes.

It was confusing enough while he was here let alone when he'd be miles away in Azumano. He'd been meaning to talk to Satoshi for several days about what on earth was going on between them but each time he was close to the boy, heart thumping against his chest, wringing his clammy hands in an attempt not to blush furiously, he was rendered speechless. When he was near Satoshi time had no meaning and everything was alright and would be forever, even though a small voice in the back of his head screamed that he was idiotic to think so.

He rubbed his hands over his eyes, whispering to himself determinedly, "I have to talk to him tonight."

"Hm?" Suddenly comforting arms were wrapped around his waist from behind and Daisuke smiled warmly as Satoshi rested his head on his shoulder.

Glancing over at blue hair, he said brightly, "Nothing – I was just talking to myself. I didn't hear you come in. How was work today?

Satoshi mumbled something unintelligible as he gently kissed Daisuke's neck. The younger boy giggled, lifting his arms and placing them around the other's neck in a hug, "That bad, huh?"

The older boy shrugged slightly, "It was okay but, it's always like that." His deep azure eyes met Daisuke's for a moment and the younger boy felt that strange spell washing over him again, melting away his determination like waves gently lapping at the shore. He blinked and Satoshi pulled away, letting Daisuke's arms fall. Glazed red eyes traversed the room lazily, following the older boy who had gone to rummage in his bag for something. Only when Satoshi returned, hand outstretched, did he snap back to reality.

"Here, Hikaru wanted me to give you this," Daisuke took the scrap of paper that Satoshi offered him. A phone number and email address in immaculate, looped writing graced the torn paper. "She said she'll miss you and to keep in touch." The redhead smiled brightly.

"I'll miss her too. I've met so many great people here! Keiko-san gave me her number too just in case I was ever in Tokyo again, or possibly trying to organise an art show but I told her that would probably never happen," he laughed, inspecting the paper again and missing Satoshi subtly rolling his eyes at the younger boy, "I never expected Hikaru's writing to be so…neat. She doesn't seem like the type."

"You wouldn't expect it but she's very meticulous in everything she does. That's why she's my second-in-command," Satoshi said, placing his badge carefully atop a pile of papers on the table.

"She is?" Daisuke asked curiously. Satoshi nodded his acquiescence. "Huh." He had thought it was like old times but there was still so much they didn't know about each other and the lives they led. How could this relationship survive?

"Almost finished packing?" Satoshi asked in an offhand way. Was he struggling to make small talk? Daisuke sighed, looking back at his case. They both knew they were tentatively stepping around the elephant in the middle of the room, not wanting to disturb it.

_Why the Gods above me, who must be in the know.  
Think so little of me, they allow you to go._

"Yeah." He stared at his hands, resting as they were in his lap, distractedly rubbing at the calluses he had from holding too many paintbrushes for too long. Satoshi stood in the kitchen, tracing a long gash down the old plastic bench with his finger.

"I suppose I'll have to start packing soon." He smiled wryly, "That won't take very long."

Daisuke looked around the scant room and knew it was true. He could swear the crack running along the wall had been smaller when he'd arrived. "When are you moving?"

"In about a week," he replied in a flat tone that mirrored Daisuke's. Neither looked at the other.

"I wish I could stay longer to help you," Daisuke said apologetically. He closed the lid of his case with a thud and stood up, stretching his aching muscles. "It would be some small way to repaying you for your hospitality."

"It doesn't matter." Satoshi just shrugged and continued to stroke the black cat that rubbed hungrily against his hand. Daisuke contemplated the contrast between the two shades, one pure night and the other snow, as he walked over to the bench.

"I don't know how to repay you for all your kindness and for letting me stay so long-"

"You don't have to," Satoshi interrupted him sternly.

Daisuke faced the other boy defiantly as he emphasised his words, "Yes. I. Do. I'll have to think of some great way to repay you later, and you know you're always welcome to come stay at my place, well, according to Dad that is because Mum might have a small problem with it," his words ran into each other, tumbling quickly out of his mouth as he talked with the energy and coherence of a small child, "But for now, can I take you out to dinner? Tonight? Please?"

The older boy looked taken aback for a moment.

"Please?" Daisuke reached out his hand to rest lightly upon Satoshi's arm.

"I-I suppose so," he eventually said uncertainly. No one had ever asked him out for dinner before, and it felt rather strange, but Daisuke's giant ruby eyes were earnest and he could not deny the adorable boy.

* * *

_When you're near, there's such an air of spring about it,  
I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it._

Daisuke snuggled further into Satoshi's t-shirt, causing the older boy to instinctively pull the redhead closer to him. Daisuke rested his head against the boy's chest, listening to his quiet breathing and the slow, steady rhythm of his heart beating. He pulled the rugs a bit further over their shoulders, warding off the cold night air. Running his fingers lightly over the creases in Satoshi's shirt, he wondered what the older boy dreamt of as he slept. Him? He doubted it. Perhaps the blunette hardly dreamt at all. His breath hitched as somewhere in the building someone closed a door, the sound of slamming wood resonating down the hall. A pipe dripped eerily and the metal of the balcony creaked and yawned as it cooled in the night. But the faint noises of the night were far away here, shrouded as he was in the warmth of embrace.

He sighed, glancing over Satoshi's shoulder at his watch. It lay on the coffee table, the neon hands reading something close to two-thirty. He should be asleep; he had an early train to catch tomorrow. But somehow, he couldn't bring himself to close his eyes when Satoshi was lying right there in front of him. Not when he wouldn't see the boy for another six months at least. Maybe he'd come home for Christmas. He imagined he could almost hear the tiny hand of the watch ticking; precious seconds falling away. Tomorrow would not exist until the sun rose, until he got dressed and ready, until he picked up his suitcase and realised that it was real and that there was no going back. Right now, it seemed surreal. But there was also that pervading sense of the inevitable which could not be entirely shaken. _Tick, tick, tick…_ There was nothing he could do to stop the inescapable movement of time. Though it had stopped for Freedert, it would not for him. He could only hope that time would, once more, bring him back to Satoshi.

It was almost as if time had stopped for his other life which existed beyond this seemingly disconnected one that he'd experience here in Tokyo for the last month. He'd hardly contacted anyone back home; he'd neglected calls, emails, his social networking site – anything that would tear him away from the dream world he was in now. He couldn't keep going like this though. He had commitments in that other world of Azumano to family, friends and, most pressingly, work and university. There had to be some way to balance them. He kept telling himself there was but something inside knew it couldn't.

He sat up carefully, trying not to disturb the sleeping boy. Daisuke rested his arms on the windowsill, watching the lights of Tokyo as he had done five nights ago. How different it seemed from then. Looking down, he regarded the sleeping boy fondly, gently brushing back blue bangs.

_There's no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to minor,  
Every time we say goodbye._

"Go to sleep," a voice from below him mumbled, and he felt a hand on his shirt, pulling him back down towards the mattress. Daisuke startled for a moment, not having realised that Satoshi was awake.

"But I can't," the younger boy sighed in frustration, resigning himself and falling back into Satoshi's arms.

"Well, you're not trying very hard," the amusement in his almost monotone voice was clear to Daisuke. The younger boy pouted at this accusation, only causing Satoshi's small smile to grow. "You could, for a start, close your eyes."

Curled up on his side, Daisuke continued to stare at the other boy in a defiant manner. But then, unexpectedly, he felt Satoshi's hand gently run over his face before coming to rest just below his jaw. Daisuke realised that the gesture had caused him to close his eyes involuntarily. He smiled into the darkness as he felt a kiss being placed softly on his forehead. There was something soothing about the repetitive motion of Satoshi stroking his hair. His breathing began to slow, and the agitation that he hadn't realised was there before slowly faded from his body. He rested his head against Satoshi's, so thankful that they had fought and it had come to this. Rather ironic really; needing to fight with someone to be able to tell them how much you like them. Then again, they'd never been normal.

"What are you smiling at?" Satoshi asked curiously.

Daisuke's smile only widened as he mumbled, "Nothing." It was ridiculous how much he loved this boy.

He could feel himself in the grasp of sleep now, balancing on that fine edge between consciousness and oblivion. Please, he entreated the invisible force of fate, please don't let this be a dream.

* * *

_When you're near, there's such an air of spring about it,  
I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it._

Daisuke stood at the station shivering as the train pulled in. It was much colder now than when he had arrived and he wondered if it was snowing back home. He fervently hoped not because there was no way this jumper was going to be warm enough if it was.

"You should board the train, it's going to leave soon," Satoshi said stoically from beside him, hands tucked firmly in his jacket pockets. Even with years of experience Daisuke could only barely sense the melancholy in his voice.

"Yeah," the younger boy followed Satoshi's line of vision, which was purposely avoiding him he noticed, down the platform to the large clock there. He put down his suitcase. Satoshi glanced back at him. Daisuke knew it would embarrass the blunette but threw his arms around his neck anyway, pulling his friend into a close hug. The whistle blew for the last passengers to board the train. Leaning close to his ear, he said quietly, "I love you, Satoshi."

Before Satoshi could even really put his arms around the younger boy, Daisuke had pulled away, smiling innocently at the look of complete surprise on the older boy's face. He grabbed his suitcase clumsily before quickly boarding the train. He glanced back at Satoshi for the last time but the mechanic door closed swiftly behind him and he was barely able to catch a glimpse of the other boy. He regretted not giving Satoshi a chance to say anything, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to bring himself to say those words yet, even if Daisuke could.

As the train groaned into motion, he could hear the gears rattling below them. He walked down the aisle and was putting his case in the overhead compartment as the train began to slowly pull away from the station when suddenly an abrupt _bang_ on the window caught his attention.

Looking down he saw a small piece of torn paper, stuck precariously between the tiny gap where the glass panels of the window overlapped. In quickly scrawled writing, it read:

'_Aishiteru, baka_.'

Behind it, the backdrop of the platform, the city and a smiling flash of blue that could only be Satoshi were fading into the distance. As the train gathered speed, the wind picked up causing the note to flutter unsteadily against the window. With a strong gush of wind, it was ripped from the glass to float aimlessly in the air back towards the station. He smiled, the joy of those two words spreading throughout his entire being.

Realising that he was staring at an empty window and attracting the curious attention of other passengers, Daisuke quickly resumed his allocated seat. Pulling out his phone, he opened a new text message and began typing, a humoured smile playing across his face. 'Sorry. Didn't think you'd be able to say it. It is you after all.'

He hit the send button, and waited anxiously for the small beeping noise that would tell him that Satoshi did care. He almost wasn't prepared for it when it did sound a few seconds later.

_There's no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to minor,  
Every time we say goodbye._

'Don't be ridiculous. I've been waiting six years to say that.'

* * *

A/N:  
EPIC NEGLECT. That's all I can say about how long it's taken me to update. It's amazing how quickly you come to hate something you originally loved so much.

Aishiteru = Google tells me that this means 'I love you' in Japanese

_Every Time We Say Goodbye _– Ella Fitzgerald


	10. These Foolish Things

Disclaimer: I do not own DN Angel or anything associated with it. Yukiru Sugisaki does.

**The Very Thought of You**

Chapter 9: These Foolish Things

* * *

"Jeez, you couldn't have found a place with a lift could you?" Hikaru complained as she shifted her hands under the weight of the couch that balanced perilously between her and Satoshi.

"I like the stairs," he replied with a wry smile.

She rolled her eyes, which were momentarily lost from view behind the couch, "Whatever. At least you're only on the third floor. Any farther and I would have done my back in."

"I told you, you don't have to help if it's too much for you," Satoshi said for what seemed like the millionth time as they rounded a particularly difficult corner of the stairway. He had told them that he didn't need help moving apartments but pleas like that were lost on his friends.

"Hey, hey! What am I? A girl!?" she huffed in an annoyed manner, her face staring down at him defiantly from the top of the stairs.

"Well, technically…" he began, hesitating as her eyes flashed. He considered for a moment. If she dropped her end of the couch in the position they were in, with Satoshi bearing the brunt of the weight at the lower end, he would probably end up a rather bloodied pancake against the wall behind him. He looked back up at her, "No, no. Of course not."

A beaming smile broke across her face as though rewarding a puppy that had done as it was told and her voice was just as playfully condescending, "That's what I thought. And really, you couldn't have done it all by yourself, could you now?"

"Hn." Satoshi had been raised to cope with everything by himself, to be entirely alone, but to reply truthfully to her question would only start a fight.

"Besides," she continued, her voice solemn now, "You would have done the same for any of us no matter what we said." He could not bring himself to look up at her.

Eventually they managed to heave the couch through the door and into the modest apartment. Standing halfway through the doorway, they lowered the couch to the floor. Hikaru straightened up, snapping her stray bra strap back into place under her white tank top nonchalantly. Pressing her hands to her back as she stretched, she surveyed the room. It wasn't large but comparative to where he'd been living of late, Satoshi reflected, anything would seem bigger. After all it was just going to be him living here. Just…him. And of course, Yuki, but frankly cats don't take up that much space. No, it was someone else who was missing from this picture.

_Oh, will you never let me be?  
Oh, will you never set me free?_

"Even with no lift, I still like this place. It's nice. It has lots of natural light," Hikaru said, gazing out one of the large windows that lined the walls. He was lucky enough to have found a corner apartment again, the situation of which in the building meant that the main living room and kitchen were bathed in light for the most of the day. Looking around, there was not much there excepting a couple of boxes strewn around on the floor. No mind, he would have the place clean and neat to the standards of his youth in no time – only to be decimated again by the hectic lifestyle of a man hopelessly addicted to his job.

"Hey! Move on, will ya?" Ryou called from the doorway where he and Iku stood, holding a small fridge on the brink of the stairs.

"Hold your horses, boy. We're going, we're going," Hikaru replied, as the two picked up the couch again from underneath. She attempted to simultaneously dismiss him with a wave as she spoke only to have the couch thrown off balance. Grabbing it again quickly with a laugh, she set it down in place.

"Nice," Ryou remarked as he and Iku passed by, manoeuvring an object far heavier with ease.

"Oh, shut up," she said, hands on hips. Satoshi suppressed the urge to laugh at the ridiculous image she cut in her baggy cargoes, with her bright pink bra showing through her top in marked contrast to her recently-dyed, purple hair. Hikaru continued to survey them with a piercing eye, "Well, if you boys are so strong and can handle it all by your little selves, then we're going down the street to get beer." She stuck her tongue out wilfully, "C'mon Saaya, honey, let's go." Taking the smaller girl by the hand, she marched out the door, leaving the boys to laugh it off.

* * *

Daisuke surveyed the paintings laid out before him on his bedroom floor. University started tomorrow and he wanted to be sure that his folio was in order before he returned to present it. With everything that had been happening he hadn't had a chance to inspect all the pieces together nor make any last minute touch ups to them.

He ran the checklist through his mind. He needed seven paintings for seven different categories. One experimental; that would be the red splattered screaming figure that he painted whilst frustrated which was rather unlike his usual style. Check. One surreal; he had finally transformed the picture of the child in the laundromat from a sketch to a fully coloured painting. Check. One impressionist-style piece; the painting of a busy street in rainy Tokyo was done with large brush strokes, with light and movement being the main features. Check. One realism-style piece; well the picture of Satoshi, albeit with black hair, leaning against the wall in the fire escape smoking with the moonlight cascading over him was probably the most realistic. Check. One pop art inspired piece; this was a little more difficult and not something Daisuke worked with usually but he had attempted it with his painting of the black-clad, nameless and faceless soldiers. It was his usual style of painting, rather realistic, and it showed them in the grey box that was the equipment room but he had put a collage of popular images cut from magazines and the like over the top, questioning the concept of a police force. It would have to do. Check. One emotive piece; the picture of Hikaru before the mirror with all her tattoos and a mournful look on her face was an easy choice. Check. And finally one personal piece; this was a free choice piece which was meant to illustrate something of significance to the artist and was most probably meant to be a self-portrait, but Daisuke decided upon the portrait of Satoshi in the window with Yuki that he had painted in his first couple of days in Tokyo. He couldn't think of something that meant more to him. Check.

_The ties that bound us are still around us,  
There's no escape that I can see._

His sigh was almost inaudible as he stood back from the paintings. Wiz looked up adoringly from the artworks to his master, who could never resist but to lean over and scratch his large, fluffy white ears affectionately.

"What do you think of them, Wiz?" Daisuke asked playfully, "Any good?"

Wiz cocked his head to one side, seemingly considering. "Kyuu."

The doorbell rang and Daisuke nimbly hopped up and ran down the stairs. He couldn't explain why, he knew it was totally irrational, but every time the phone or doorbell rang some small romantic part of him expected it to be Satoshi. "I've got it, mum!" he called out. Opening the door expectantly he found a young man with spiky blonde hair, a big smile and a silver stud through his lip looking at him.

"Hey, Daisuke-kun," he was greeted enthusiastically, "I heard you were back in town so I thought I'd swing by and find out why you're avoiding me," the young man said, winking playfully. His voice was pleasant and excitable, much like Daisuke's own, and his stunning green eyes had the habit of drawing people in.

"Hey Seiji-kun! I'm sorry; I've been so busy that I've hardly caught up with anyone since I've been back. Come in, it's freezing out here," he said cheerfully, his enthusiasm matching the other's as he ushered the young man in from out of the snow.

"Thanks," the boy flashed him a massive grin, quickly removing his snow jacket and placing it on the hanger in the hallway.

"Do you want anything to drink? Tea, coffee?" Daisuke asked as they entered his room.

"Nah, I'll just stay a moment. I've really got to go home and get cracking on my assignments soon or I'll be in trouble," he smiled impishly at their running personal joke of last minute panic. He was studying the same course as Daisuke and while they had met through a mutual subject, Seiji's interest lay in digital art rather than traditional. It was actually Seijij who had made the design for Daisuke's t-shirt that Satoshi had asked him about on the first day.

"Seiji! You're shocking," Daisuke teased him.

The other boy shrugged, "I know, I know. Don't tell me you've finished all your work?" He was currently surveying the paintings that lay on the floor with interest.

"Yep. All seven paintings finished," Daisuke grinned, largely pleased with the fact that he had actually managed to get all of them done on time. They didn't have this running joke for no good reason. Usually for them, a lack of inspiration meant that work was completed at the very last moment and hated for ever after.

"Daisuke-kun, your work still continues to amaze me. It's always so good!" the boy said enthusiastically.

"T-thanks," Daisuke said, slightly blushing. As much as his work was praised, he never ceased to find it awkward.

"Hey now, who's this hottie?" Daisuke followed his gaze almost expecting him to be pointing at the picture of Hikaru but instead he was studying the portrait of Satoshi lounging in the windowsill with Yuki.

"Oh, he's a friend of mine in Tokyo. The one I went to visit," Daisuke replied as calmly as he could.

"Ah, the unusual best friend that I've heard so much about?" he joked, his eyes glancing up at Daisuke curiously.

"Yeah, that's the one," Daisuke smiled.

"He lives alone with his cat?" the boy asked rather sarcastically and Daisuke found himself feeling slightly annoyed by this tone.

"Yeah, he works for the police force so he's pretty busy and is never really at home much," he said defensively, frowning slightly at the young man.

"Obviously pretty buff too," Seiji continued, oblivious to Daisuke's pervading feeling of discomfort. The redhead made some sort of noise denoting recognition but made no other reply, a slight sense of possessiveness taking over.

Shaking it off, he placed a smile carefully back on his face and asked as casually as possible, "What've you been up to while I've been gone?"

Seiji looked up mischievously, not noticing the subtle change of the subject away from the blue haired boy. "Not much. It's been pretty boring without you." His words were light hearted but Daisuke looked away, seeing in his deep green eyes that there was more to them than that. Truth be told, Seiji was a friend with whom Daisuke had begun a shameless and seemingly harmless game of flirting not long before he'd left for Tokyo. It had been going on for awhile but towards the holidays it had started getting serious. He guessed that Seiji was slightly upset that Daisuke had hardly contacted him since he left and not at all since he'd returned.

"Hey, um," Seiji started unsurely, sensing something was different about the redhead, "I actually came round today to ask if you wanted to see a movie on Friday? And maybe get some dinner or something."

"Like a date?" Daisuke asked uneasily, seeing the agitation in the other boy's movements. There was a pause as Seiji considered his shoes.

"Yeah, like a date." He stood, fidgeting awkwardly with the gloves in his hands, his blonde bangs slightly obscuring his face. Daisuke sympathised with him, it was hard to admit these things, but simultaneously saw him through new eyes, eyes which had been opened by the young man he adored. And suddenly the blonde boy before him seemed just that: a boy and no more. Self-conscious and naïve as Daisuke himself had once been and probably still was to some extent. But that was changing, he was changing. He felt different coming back from Tokyo and everything appeared before him in the new light of maturity that was slowly altering his perception of the world around him. Daisuke sighed. Seiji was a nice guy and they were good friends but he wondered how he had ever entertained the thought that they could complete each other.

"I'm sorry, Seiji-kun, but…I can't," he said consolingly but firmly. He hurt for the other boy and, at the other's look of disappointment, wished momentarily that he could make him happy. But he was realising that you couldn't make everyone happy all the time. He could only offer so much now and he hoped it would be enough to sustain their friendship, "Would you want to see a movie just as friends?"

Seiji, who had been staring at his feet, looked up in mild surprise at the redhead. He stood for a moment considering whether Daisuke was serious, or perhaps mocking him, but he was too aware of the boy's good nature. "Yeah, that sounds good," he said quietly, smiling gently, the warmth of it reaching his eyes.

Daisuke hugged him goodbye at the door, still not quite believing that the past month in Tokyo had already began to change his life in Azumano so significantly. "See you Friday, then," he said cheerfully, trying to ignore the fact that the blonde boy was still incredibly attractive physically if no longer emotionally.

Seiji nodded, waving farewell as he set off down the path into the snow. Daisuke stood in the doorway awhile longer, watching the flakes of white descend from the sky slowly and calmly. Was it snowing in Tokyo?

_And still those little things remain,  
That bring me happiness or pain._

He wouldn't have a clue. The waking dream of that far off city faded and reality took hold with an iron grip as his life in Azumano resumed once more.

* * *

The night of the move to Satoshi's new place found them sitting around the coffee table in the new apartment in whatever kind of chair they could find, with drinks in hand and boxes of takeaway food littering the table. Keiko had joined them after she had finished up at the gallery and they were enjoying a small celebration before returning to the normality of work tomorrow.

Iku raised his glass in a solemn manner. "I propose a toast." The rest looked around at him in mild surprise that he had actually opened his mouth to speak without being prompted. "To a new start." He directed his glass towards Satoshi as the other's followed suit. The bluenette gave a small smile, wondering if Iku knew how much those words actually meant to him.

As if she could read his mind, though Satoshi knew this to be absurd, Hikaru suddenly leaned back against the couch, complaining, "I miss Daisuke-kun and his little fluffy red head."

"I'm not sure he would take well to that description," Satoshi smiled wryly.

"I shall also miss him. He was a nice companion to have at the gallery," Keiko said softly, brushing her black hair carefully behind her ear. Hikaru, sitting next to the quiet girl unconsciously mimicked her action as humans so often do, pushing her hair back to reveal the cigarette tucked behind her ear. Satoshi consciously ran his hand over his shirt, which he knew covered the nicorette patch* on his arm.

"I'm sure he'll come back to visit sometime," Satoshi said rather distractedly, before attempting to steer the conversation towards other recent events that didn't have so much significance or which, at least, were not so painful.

_A cigarette that bares a lipstick's traces.  
An airline ticket to romantic places.  
And still my heart has wings,  
These foolish things remind me of you._

It was close to midnight when people began to trickle out the door in that odd chain reaction which occurs once the first person has made the conscious effort to leave. Hikaru was always the last to leave, having something to say that was for Satoshi's ears alone. They had cleaned up what mess they could considering the chaos the day had left and were now sitting at the bench, half drunk cups of coffee before them.

"I don't see why you didn't just come and live with one of us. We would've been happy to have you," she was saying seriously, staring at the white mug.

"Come on, Hika-chan. You know I've always lived by myself. I'm just used to it now," he said apologetically, "It's nothing against you guys."

Or is it that you're waiting for someone else to come live with you, she wondered silently. He cut a lonely figure sitting there in the seemingly large room which was mainly empty and dark but for a lone lamp in the background. Suddenly, she felt as though she did not want to leave him there, and that he did not want to be alone, but knew his damn stubborn pride would never allow her to stay.

"You don't have to be alone, you know," she said softly, getting up to gather her things and depart. He looked away. She sighed and pulling him into a slight hug, kissed his hair fondly. "Dumbest smart person I know. This is for you." When he looked up, she had gone and there was a picture frame sitting in front of him on the bench. In it was a picture of the first night they had gone out for dinner all together and Daisuke had met his friends. His red hair and Satoshi's blue hair stood out from the photo in marked contrast to each other. He'd never really noticed it before.

_A tinkling piano in the next apartment.  
Those stumbling words,  
That told you what my heart meant.  
A fairground's painted swings,  
These foolish things remind me of you._

He sighed, wondering what Daisuke was doing right now. Glancing out the window, there was nothing but cold darkness encroaching. Looking down at his hands which rested on his lap, he realised he was shivering slightly. Was it the cold or the withdrawals? He couldn't tell.

Had it really been six days since he'd left? Since the light in his life had gone and everything had returned to the dull monotony of before. Was it possible?

It was entirely possible, he knew, but that didn't stop him from feeling as though life could not go on around him as usual while he felt so hollow inside, so disconnected from everything around him.

Yuki, who had scampered away before to his bedroom while so many strangers inhabited her territory, was now walking around between the boxes and random articles of furniture, mewling mournfully as she tried to comprehend why everything was so different. Picking her up, he stroked her fur soothingly while she continued to cry. "I know how you feel, Yuks," he said quietly, switching off the lamp besides them which suddenly caused the city lights that were twinkling and fading in the freezing night air beyond the window to illuminate. It was so beautiful but felt somewhat surreal, "I know how you feel."

* * *

Three weeks had never seemed so long to Satoshi before. They should have flown considering how much he had on with work and socially, and also with making or at least attempting to make his new apartment a respectable looking place to live. Then again, when Daisuke had been here, Satoshi had never seen a month go by so quickly. It seemed the young boy was the only one who had an influence over Satoshi's perception of time, and just about everything else. Yet, it had been awhile since he had called the boy he reflected as he searched through his bag for the keys to his apartment. Opening the door, he was greeted by Yuki who proceeded to wrap herself around his legs in the most loving manner, which she only ever used when she wanted something. Usually food.

"Hey Yuks," he smiled down at her, but she looked back reproachfully, meowing at him demandingly. "Yes, yes. I'll feed you," he said, exasperated by her conditional love. He threw his bag down onto a chair before following the cat to her empty bowl. As she fell upon the biscuits, Satoshi looked up to survey the room which still seemed so…empty. It was sufficiently neat now and contained a few more pieces of furniture and some furnishing, such as pictures hanging on the walls, which made it look homey. But still, there was something missing. Or more rightly, _someone_ was missing.

"_Welcome back." The red-head whose arms hung around his neck looked up at him, smile positively beaming._

The memory caused him to ache inside. Never had he felt that he meant so much to someone as at that moment. Nor had he ever cared so much for another person as he did for Daisuke at that moment. Why had he been avoiding calling him? Even Satoshi was sometimes unaware of the workings of his own heart. There were all the usual excuses that he used to rationalise it to himself, but he knew that to some extent it was guilt. He could not bear to talk to the bright young boy when he knew that he could not make him as happy as he deserved to be. It was selfish of him to cling to Daisuke, who deserved so much more and had the potential to do so much better than this, or so he told himself.

I should call him. No, he's probably busy. He has work and study and friends. He probably wouldn't want to talk to me anyway. Satoshi stared at his mobile hesitantly, continuing to doubt himself as he ran a hand distractedly through his hair.

//_ You came,_//

"Why won't he call, Wiz?" Daisuke asked. Lying across his bed with his legs halfway up the wall, he contemplated the phone. The little rabbit-like animal sitting next to him looked up at him mournfully with his big eyes. The boy sighed, questioning himself, "Maybe I should call him? Nah, he's probably at work or busy doing paperwork or something. He wouldn't want to talk to me anyway."

//_ You saw,_//

Satoshi picked up the phone, his fingers nimbly typing in the number he knew so well. He wavered a moment before pushing the 'call' button. It was done now, there was nothing he could do.

It rang once.

Twice.

Three times-

He hung up quickly, hoping that it wasn't too late and that his number hadn't appeared as a missed call.

"This is useless…" he sighed, rubbing his face with his hands before looking down at Yuki who sat staring at him calmly, content enough now that she had been fed.

//_ You conquered me._//

Daisuke's finger hovered above the last digit of Satoshi's phone number. He knew it would probably just go through to a message like always but still… He bit his lip, uncertainty written across his face, before quickly pushing the 'call' button.

The phone rang once.

Twice.

Three times-

"Gah!" He slammed the phone back down onto the receiver. "I can't!" I can't call him even though I want to so badly, he thought gloomily.

Wiz cocked his head to the side, watching the redhead intently. "It's hopeless, Wiz." He fell back down onto the bed in a heap. Laying back with his hands behind his head, he contemplated the white ceiling desolately but with a small crack running along it, it only served to remind him of Satoshi's place. He groaned, rolling onto his side. Everything at the moment seemed to remind him of the blue-haired boy in some way.

Letting his legs fall to the side, he used the motion to propel himself up and onto his feet. He wandered out to his small balcony, overlooking the sea and the glorious, setting sun. Strands of hair were swept before his vision by the light breeze that caused him to wrap his arms around his torso. The colours lighting up the sky, the bright reds, oranges and yellows that usually felt so warm seemed cold tonight.

//_ When you did that to me,_//

Satoshi leaned against the window, his head resting on his forearm, as he looked out across the city to the setting sun. Each exhalation of breath fogged up a small patch of the cold glass before receding again to transparency to reveal the world beyond. The buildings of the city seemed harsh and uninviting.

_//I knew somehow this had to be.//_

"If only I could just see him…"

_// The winds of March,//_

"…hold him…"

_// That made my heart a dancer.//_

"…for a moment…"

_// A telephone that rings,//_

"…it would all be…"

_// But who's to answer?//_

"…alright."

_Oh, how the ghost of you clings,  
These foolish things remind me of you._

* * *

Daisuke glanced at his watch before looking back up to the lecturer at the front of the room. Thank goodness, he thought with relief, only five more minutes of this class. Not that it was a particularly boring lecture, even if he had given up taking notes about a quarter of an hour ago, but it was more so the fact that Daisuke had been rather unlucky in his seating arrangement and had ended up next to a couple that had been giggling whilst they played footsies for almost the entire hour and a half of the class and Daisuke was nearly at the point of shooting himself, or possibly them and everyone else around them. Daisuke wasn't a particularly intolerant person and while they were a cute couple who seemed very happy, he had, unlike them, come here to learn incredible as that concept was. Glancing across, he wondered if they thought that he couldn't notice the guy's hand ever so slowly creeping up her skirt. Suddenly he felt like turning around and yelling at them, I'm not blind or deaf! Jeez! Not everyone wants to see your public display of affection no matter how cute you may think it is. He groaned inwardly.

"And that concludes our lecture today. See you all next week," the lecturer dismissed them. The sound of chairs and retractable desks being moved back to their original place filled the room along with the buzz of conversation. Daisuke packed up quickly, glad not only to escape the overly affectionate couple but to go to lunch. He was rather hungry but was also looking forward to seeing Saehara whom he was meeting up with. As the students stepped out of the building, the biting wind of winter swept over them and everyone pulled their coats closer and their hats down. Daisuke was glad of his beanie as he headed out into the weather.

"Yo, Daisuke!" a jovial voice called from behind him.

He turned around to be bowled over in a violent manner by a young man with spiky black hair, who then pulled him up off the ground to which he'd knocked him with a strong hand. "Hey, Takeshi-kun," he said, rubbing the back of his head.

"You ready for lunch? I'm starving! I could barely sit through that lecture about the ethics of journalism 'cause I was so hungry," Saehara still talked in the hurried fashion of his youth, which was probably a trait of all journalists yet seemed particular to Saehara.

Daisuke smiled at his old friend, "Sure. Where do you want to go?"

"You'd better pick because this is on you, y'know. This is what you get for not calling me for a whole month!" Saehara swung an arm around Daisuke's shoulders, pulling him into a headlock, "The price for deserting you're oldest and bestest friend in the whole wide world. Especially when he was having trouble with a certain lady."

"Oh?" Daisuke asked curiously.

"I'll tell ya 'bout it at lunch," Saehara dismissed it, but Daisuke knew his friend well enough to realise that it was something he seriously wanted to discuss. He resumed his jovial tone, "Now where are we going?"

_First daffodils,  
And long excited cables.  
And candle lights,  
On little corner tables.  
And still my heart has wings,  
These foolish things remind me of you._

Daisuke had let Saehara talk for the entire time at lunch, simply nodding over his steaming bowl of noodles. Not that he would have had much say in the matter anyway; it was still difficult to get a word in edgeways with the boy unless he really needed advice on something. The redhead had been somewhat distracted from the conversation in any case by the couple who sat at the table next to them in the small, cramped café. They gazed at each other adoringly across the table, hands interlocked the entire time. He seemed to regard her with a look that approached worship as she blushed and talked, looking at the table while she spoke. Saehara had, of course, drawn him back to the conversation violently with a good shake of his shoulder and a loud 'oi!'. He had wanted to know what Daisuke's advice was on Saehara's long-term girlfriend who suddenly wanted them to move in together.

"What's so bad about that? Don't you want to live with her?" Daisuke had asked innocently.

"Dai-chan, Dai-chan. You know so little of these things, don't cha?" Saehara condescended to him, "I like her a lot but I don't want to have to live with her!" He had made it sound like a chore, Daisuke thought.

"Why not?" he had asked. Surely people who loved each other wanted to live together. They had certainly been going out long enough, and Takeshi's roommate wouldn't mind if she lived with them surely. Daisuke could see no practical objection so it must be…

"I dunno. If I live with her then we'll be together all the time. She'll want me to cook for her and make me listen to her awful music, and I'd want to watch sport and she hates it," his voice sounded more and more dejected. "Really, Dai, there'd be no escape and I'd never get any peace."

"Perhaps you should be considering then whether she's even the one for you," Daisuke's advice had been, though he had given it with a tinge of jealously that Takeshi had such an opportunity and didn't want it while to live with Satoshi would only be a dream of his for now.

Currently he was sitting on the train back home, contemplating the white world that flashed past. He knew he shouldn't be jealous of Saehara, it was absurd. But he just couldn't fathom how someone could go out with another person for so long and not want to live with them. What was the point of going out with them if you didn't want to _be _with them? More than anything, he just wanted to be with Satoshi right now but instead was sitting on a rattling old train that was pretty much empty but for a few other passengers, and with a bag full of work to be done. He leaned his head against the window desolately. Stupid reality.

A few seats in front of him, a girl stared expectantly out the window, fiddling anxiously with her long blonde hair. They pulled up at the next station and the doors opened to allow a young man of a similar age to the girl through. He smiled at her, causing her face to light up with the joy that could only be young love. Seating himself next to her, he placed an arm around her slender shoulders, drawing her closer to him so he could place a tender kiss on her hair.

Daisuke frowned. It felt as though life was subtly mocking him and it was seriously starting to get annoying.

_The park at evening,  
When the bell has sounded.  
The Isle de France,  
With all the gulls around it.  
The beauty that is spring,  
These foolish things remind me of you._

Finally home, Daisuke called out a greeting to his parents while taking off his boots at the front door. He could hear some vague reply that sounded like his father. Scaling the stairs to his room, he threw his bag onto his bed, causing loose notes and books to spray across it. Looking at the mess, he sighed. He was going to have to do a fair bit of study tonight when he got back from work. Someone knocked on his door.

"Come in," he said, knowing it must be his father. Emiko never knocked, a rather annoying habit of hers. He began to pull off his scarf and gloves which, while necessary outside, suddenly became a hindrance inside. Kosuke's black hair appeared around the door before he did.

"How was university?" he asked calmly, smiling at his son and the complete mess that was his room in a usual week. Daisuke always cleaned it on the weekend in an attempt to be organised, but after the hectic pace of another week of work and study it usually ended up in a fairly bad state with clothes and sketches strewn everywhere.

"It was good thanks. I had lunch with Takeshi," he said, returning his father's smile. But for the red hair and the years that separated their ages, they were almost identical in looks.

"Ah." Kosuke said mischievously. Nothing much else was needed to describe a meeting with Saehara.

Daisuke sat down on the bed and gestured at the chair for his father, sensing he wanted to stay and talk. "What have you been doing this afternoon?"

"Reading. A small luxury while your mother and Towa-chan are out," he joked.

Daisuke laughed, knowing that to be all too true, "Where have they gone?"

He considered for a moment, "Grocery shopping, I think." He wasn't in a habit of keeping track of the movement of the females in the house. A comfortable sort of silence fell between them as Kosuke gazed at his son who was attempting to sort through the notes scattered across his bed and arrange them into piles that made sense.

"Dai-kun," Kosuke begun carefully. Oh great, Daisuke thought as he immediately realised where his father was going, this is totally not the conversation I need right now. "I never got to seriously ask you how your conversation with Hiwatari-kun went? You know your mother and all," he smiled serenely, but Daisuke sensed there was something more to his question, which was odd enough in the first place. It had been almost five weeks since he'd left the elder boy. Why was his father bringing it up now? Perhaps he had noticed the change in Daisuke or that he was now calling Satoshi more often than before. It was possible but still…

_The sigh of midnight trains,  
At empty stations.  
Silk stockings thrown aside,  
Dance invitations.  
Oh, how the ghost of you clings,  
These foolish things remind me of you._

"Oh, yeah. Huh, that was awhile ago now," he said uncertainly, trying to remain detached. As much as he loved his father, he didn't exactly want him to know about this relationship just yet, "Yeah, we sorted some stuff out. Like you said, it was probably better to talk to him about things so I did and it turns out that some pretty serious stuff had been going on. It was hard to talk to him at first; we kind of got into a fight. But I think he'll be ok…" Daisuke trailed off.

Kosuke nodded solemnly, either not minding or simply ignoring the fact that most of what Daisuke was saying was completely insubstantial and evasive.

"But yeah, turns out that we hadn't been the greatest friends to each other but I think that's all been…um," he cleared his throat, hoping fervently he wasn't blushing, "…solved."

"Oh?" Kosuke coaxed him.

"Yeah." Daisuke looked away, not really wanting to continue along this path. It was too complex to comprehend what had happened let alone to try and explain it to someone else.

"So, you're not worried about him anymore? You think he'll be alright?" Kosuke asked with not some little concern. The young genius had rather endeared himself to Daisuke's father over the years, if not his mother.

"Satoshi's pretty strong and he gets through things. He's got good friends there too who care about him," Daisuke trailed off, staring out the window contemplatively.

"Well, I'm glad to hear he's alright," Kosuke sensed that this was as much as he was going to know for now and made his tactical retreat, "I was rather worried for awhile. He's a good person, Hiwatari-kun, but very stubborn when it comes to other people caring about him."

Daisuke nodded distractedly, muttering under his breath, "I know what you mean," before snapping back to reality as he caught sight of the time. "Ah, I'm running late! I have to get ready for work!"

"I'll let you get on with your day then. Good luck with all that work too," he teased, indicating the stacks of paper on the bed with a wave of his hand.

"Gee, thanks dad," Daisuke glanced up, giving his father a reassuring smile before rummaging around for his work clothes the moment the door closed. He knew he would be late if didn't hurry but he couldn't help but to sit down for a moment on his bed, staring at the clothes in his hands. It felt as though for five weeks he had been dragging a weight around inside his chest where his heart used to be. It was anchored to Satoshi, and there was no escape. He missed the boy desperately and though he had spoken to him numerous times since he'd been back, the phone was still an impersonal object that did not feel real and how could it when Satoshi spoke to him only as a friend? It seemed as though nothing had really changed but Satoshi was always a master of deception as to his true state of mind. This had been most evident while Daisuke was in Tokyo. He never knew what the older boy was really thinking, nor what he really felt.

Daisuke wondered if Satoshi also felt like a gaping wound had been carved in his chest, leaving a hollow space for another's heart that was not truly there. But he was so much stronger, so much more mature in many ways than Daisuke. He was probably fine.

* * *

Three months. It was a long time, during which much could happen. But so far, it had been three months of loneliness without the redhead, of little stress as things went smoothly at work, of fleeting moments of joy with friends and a cat, of quiet organisation and comfort as his apartment became somewhat like a home. But mainly of ignoring the growing tension between Daisuke and himself as the distance between them physically was felt so acutely once more.

Three months of living a half life.

He was sitting with Hikaru in his apartment as they unwound for the week with a drink and a chat as had become usual with them. Winter was fading now but a fine layer of snow still covered the windowsills as they looked out onto the early night that engulfed the city.

"So," Hikaru said seriously, turning on him with determination. Conversations never ended well when she did that, "Spill. What happened between you and Daisuke-kun? I think it's about time you told me. I was going to wait it out and let you tell me all of your own accord but it seems like that's not going to happen."

Satoshi raised a questioning blue eyebrow, a small smile playing across his lips as he leaned back in his chair. "Trust me to never have to tell you anything and you still figure it out."

"You wouldn't want a stupid second-in-command, would you?" she grinned impishly. "Besides," she drawled, "It was obvious. You're very good at hiding all your emotions all the damn time except when it comes to that little redhead. And even then you try. But still, I could tell even before I saw you look at him. Just the way you talk about him is enough to know."

Satoshi turned the bottle in his hand around and around, reading the words of the label but taking none of them in. He could not bring himself to believe her. The perseverance with which he had suppressed his feelings and any visible sign of affection beyond friendship for so many years was too much to be swept aside by someone as simply 'obvious'. He would not believe he had suffered so much to reveal everything now. No, it must be that she simply knew him too well.

"It wasn't obvious," he said calmly, "You just know me well enough to pick up on these things." Hikaru sensed the slight bitterness lingering in his statement.

"I've only known you a year or so," she stated truthfully.

"Time is irrelevant in these sorts of things; you know this. It is how intimately you know someone and how much you are willing to share with them, not how long you've known them. I've known people for seven years who wouldn't know the first thing about me," he argued, suddenly pausing to consider, "I had only known Daisuke a week when I realised that he was different to everyone else."

Hikaru gazed at him, unconsciously running her fingers across the tattoo above her heart. Perhaps she had not realised the depth of their friendship, nor of Satoshi's feelings for the other boy. She knew the basics; they were friends in middleschool, with Daisuke befriending the cold and distant loner whom no one else could, and that sometime during highschool Satoshi must have recognised deeper feelings. But watching the contemplative young man in front of her whose gaze was looking far beyond the drink before him, she wondered if she was wrong.

"Well, I guessed there was something on his side too, even if you couldn't see it so I decided to do a little matchmaking," she said, resuming her light playful tone in the manner that she always did to avoid anything too serious. She could no longer cope with the serious, it was too painful. "So, did my plan work? Did anything happen between you two?"

Satoshi shrugged, taking another swig from his drink before placing the empty bottle on the table between them. Leaning back against the couch, he considered. She was his confidante and most probably deserved to know but he'd rather do many other unpleasant things than talk about it. And so she was greeted with nothing but silence.

_Gardenia perfume,  
Lingering on a pillow.  
Wild strawberries,  
Only seven francs a kilo.  
And still my heart has wings,  
These foolish things remind me of you._

"Because my other matchmaking plan isn't working out so well," she joked lightly, "Saaya just won't seem to notice Ryou."

"Oh, give it up!" Satoshi said harshly, shooting her a scathing look. She looked taken aback for a moment, not expecting the sudden attack. "You know Saaya isn't interested so why don't you just leave it alone?"

"But he's been pining for her for ages! Ever since he met her," Hikaru argued, almost pleading with him, "I think she could learn to love him, he's a nice guy."

"That's not the point though! Yes, he's a nice guy but she doesn't like him in that way and you know it. Just because you like someone doesn't mean they'll return your feelings and it'll work out to be happily ever after for everyone," he said angrily, knowing as he did that he was projecting his own emotions onto this and shouldn't be. His voice softened slightly, "Sometimes life is a little more complicated than that…"

Silence hung heavily between them as Hikaru stared at him, her eyes glinting with fury.

Satoshi hung his head slightly, knowing he was in the wrong. "I'm sorry," he said gently, "But I just don't think you should be encouraging him with false hope and also it's not appropriate in our unit. You of all people should understand why." He looked up at her apologetically, but she continued to stare numbly at the glass in front of her, not blinking. He sighed, reaching out a comforting hand across the table which was roughly brushed away.

She did not look at him but her words were biting, "Just because you're miserable doesn't mean everyone else has to be."

"Hika-chan, that's not fair," he said quietly, "You know I've always objected to this but you insist upon it. It's just going to end up with Ryou being heart-broken and Saaya feeling bad."

"What would you even know about this sort of thing anyway?" she said dismally, drawing her knees up to her chest. "You can't even tell Daisuke that you like him."

_The smile of Garbo,  
And the scent of roses.  
The waiters whistling,  
As the last bar closes.  
That song that Crosby sings,  
These foolish things remind me of you._

He sighed, pressing his fingers together as he considered the girl opposite him. Getting up slowly, he came to sit beside her. She regarded him warily as he leaned his head against her shoulder, arms folded across his chest protectively. "Will you forgive me if I tell you a secret?" he asked.

"Depends how good your secret is." She curled up against him, putting an arm around her friend's neck, aware through the unspoken bonds of their friendship that this was his apology.

Satoshi closed his eyes, knowing that he would regret this to some extent but eventually he decided that this was what friends did. They entrusted each other with the things closest to their heart in the knowledge that they would not be ridiculed but accepted. It had taken him so long to learn this over the years, but to have a friend like Hikaru had made it worth learning. "I did tell him," he said quietly.

"I already know that, baka," she smiled smugly, giving him a playful yet affectionate push as he hid beneath his blue bangs, "I want to know _how_ though."

* * *

Satoshi almost fell through the doorway as he entered his apartment for the first time in forty-eight hours. Work hadn't been taking much of a toll lately until they had gotten a call that prevented them from returning home for two days straight. And he would likely be up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to get back to the office to figure out what the hell was going on with this case. But for now, food for Yuki and sleep.

Having completed the first of these tasks, he collapsed on his bed. He was still fully clothed in the crumpled uniform he had been wearing for the past two days, was incredibly hungry and felt pretty terrible all over but couldn't care less. He had been running on coffee and adrenaline alone for the entire time and now it felt as if his limbs were made of lead. Even if his brain was able to muster the coherence to tell them to move, it is likely that they would be physically unable to respond. He closed his eyes, feeling the rhythm of his chest rising and falling begin to slow until he was barely breathing at all. How he wished the arms of a small redhead were around him.

_The scent of smouldering leaves,  
The wail of steamers.  
Two lovers on the street,  
Who walk like dreamers.  
Oh, how the ghost of you clings,  
These foolish things remind me of you._

His head ached and his eyes felt they were going to fall out of their sockets they were so sore. As he laid there, his thoughts wandered around and around his exhausted and delirious mind but always seemed to return to the young man he missed so much. Oh, how the ghost of you clings…

Suddenly the shrill ringtone of his mobile pierced the room. Satoshi lay with his eyes closed just a little longer, not wanting to be called back to work so soon and wondering if it was even possible that he could be. Fingers scrambled across the bed for the phone, and looking at the screen he found it was Daisuke who was calling. He groaned inwardly. He wished he were here now but talking to him was probably the last thing Satoshi wanted to do. Yet something made him push the button to answer the call.

"Hello," he slurred, trying to get his mouth to work properly but it seemed to refuse all orders of that kind.

"H-hey," a concerned voice stuttered on the other end. This was not going to be a good conversation, Satoshi could tell as he berated himself for not letting it ring through to a message. "Are you alright? You don't sound so good."

"I'm fine. How are you?" he worked up some level of casual carelessness to reply, but then wondered why he had bothered when really he felt like he wanted to die. But to some extent, talking to Daisuke was making him feel slightly better already.

"I'm alright though I'm kind of worried about you now. Are you sure everything's ok? You sound like you've been hit by a truck or something."

Satoshi smiled wryly. Daisuke always had a way of putting things that was so…eloquent. "I'm fine. How's uni?"

There was no reply. Satoshi stared at the ceiling, waiting silently.

"Why do you always lie to me?" his voice was quiet. There was no reproach, no anger, no accusation. Simply a statement of fact and resigned disappointment. If Krad had taught Satoshi anything, it was discipline and self-control to an extent that damaged the boy. He had been wearing a mask ever since to protect himself, and though the years had chipped away at it, it still remained. Daisuke had thought that perhaps the change in their relationship would also change that fact but it hadn't. Satoshi still wore the same mask he always had even while he and Daisuke were…he wanted to say 'going out' but something about those words seemed so official comparative to what was between them.

Satoshi felt that all his effort was absorbed simply by breathing as the weight on his chest grew heavier. "I don't mean to, Daisuke, really. It's just a habit now. Besides, it doesn't matter. No one really wants to hear the truth anyway." Even as the words left his mouth he regretted them, knowing that it was a subtle accusation against Daisuke of not caring which he did not deserve. If anything, he cared too much.

"That's not true, Satoshi!" the younger boy protested earnestly.

"It is," he said cynically, wondering why he was carrying on this discussion which only hurt them both. But it was what he believed, "People pretend to care but they don't."

"That might have been true once but it's not anymore! You do have friends that care about you. _I_ care about you," Daisuke pleaded but he sounded more and more resigned as he went on. It was an argument he never won against the elder boy. Satoshi was about to reply but was floored by Daisuke's next remark. His voice was so innocent, yet broken and reconciled to defeat, "I wish I was holding you right now. Then I could show you I care. You only seem to believe me when I'm there in person. All I can give you now is words…and I suppose they're pretty hollow though, aren't they?"

The empty sigh of distance between them was emphasised by the buzzing silence of the phone. Satoshi hated himself for rejecting the young boy, not because he did not love him, but because he was too afraid. He was repulsed by his own weakness. It made him sick to his stomach to think he could not even accept Daisuke's love as genuine. In his lifetime he would probably never meet another person so untouched by selfish motives, cruel intentions or bitter insensitivity. But it was not too late, it was never too late. He could fight back; he could learn to trust, slowly but surely guided by the redhead he loved so dearly. Scrunching his eyes and taking a deep breath, he made the plunge. "Not if you mean them."

"What's the point when you never mean anything you say?" his voice was still resigned.

"I meant it when I said I loved you." Satoshi pressed his free hand to his forehead, willing himself to focus as his exhausted mind strayed from the conversation at hand.

"What about when you said you were fine just then? Did you mean that?" Daisuke asked, ever pushing Satoshi to admit that he was hiding.

"Alright, fine then. What do you want me to say, Daisuke?" he snapped, rubbing his sore eyes in frustration. "That yes, I just lied to you and no I'm not ok. In fact, I feel like death. What the heck is the point of that? It's just going to make you upset and I won't feel any better."

"I-I'm sorry. I just-"

"What?" he asked wearily, not having the energy to remain angry.

"I just worry."

"About what?"

"That I make your life too complicated, I suppose," the boy admitted resignedly.

He could hear Satoshi sigh down the other end of the telephone. "That's true; you have made my life more complicated." Daisuke went to apologise but Satoshi cut him off abruptly, his voice serious, "But you've also made it so much better in many ways. Even before now. In ways you probably don't even comprehend. If you'd never reached out to me when we were young, when I was trying to arrest you, I would not be the person I am now. So much of who I am now actually is thanks to you whether you know it or not. And I know that it's kind of complicated at the moment but I wouldn't have it any other way. I was pretty much about to give up when you came to stay. I decided that I had no luck, that for some reason I was cursed and never meant to be happy. Everything that ever meant anything to me was always been taken away, and I didn't understand why. And then there was you. It killed me to leave Azumano and come and work here for so many reasons but mainly because I was leaving you. Because I didn't _want_ to leave you," the words seemed to be tumbling out of his mouth with such an uncharacteristic lack of restraint, "It was even harder to have you come and stay when I knew you would never feel the same way and then…those couple of days…I realised it was possible to be happy. You showed me it was possible," he sounded as if he was struggling to speak, choked by emotion. Satoshi tried to regain composure but his voice was still strained and somewhat harsh, "So would you stop worrying for fuck's sake? You make me happier than you'll ever know."

Daisuke was stunned into silence. Satoshi had never been so open with him and now that he was Daisuke was suddenly struck with the thought that he had no idea what to say to console him. What do you say to someone who had suffered so much and was continuing to suffer at your hands?

"Satoshi…" he said quietly, unable to say more. But enough was conveyed in the emotion of that one word.

The older boy breathed deeply, wiping at his eyes and wondering why the hell he had just said all that. His brain must really not be functioning and he cursed himself for letting it get away like that. He began his excuses, "Sorry, I haven't slept in awhile and my brain is probably just hysteric with the lack of-"

"Don't." Daisuke cut him off firmly.

"What?" Satoshi was taken aback, mouth slightly agape as the redhead continued to talk.

"Don't apologise for saying what's true and important to you. Don't you see, Satoshi? This is what I've always wanted you to say," the young boy emphasised, finally feeling that he was getting somewhere.

"It is?" he sounded confused and fragile. Daisuke wanted to hold him so much but pressed on, so close to breaking down the barriers of all those years.

"Yes!" he stressed the word, "All I want is for you to tell me the truth, to tell me what's going on. I'm your friend and…and…" he struggled for a moment to find a suitable term, "And I love you, so I want to know how you're feeling and you must know that it's impossible to tell with you! It's like you wear a mask all the time. What I'm trying to say is that, you don't have to anymore."

"But…" Satoshi felt the last reserves of energy and adrenalin he had draining away from him. _No_, a small alluring voice in the back of his mind whispered. As he attempted to preserve what was left of the defences around his heart, his voice slowly turned cold and calculated, "I would have thought you would understand all this without me having to say it."

Daisuke paused for a moment, considering the attack, and Satoshi waited patiently for him to return it and once more distract his mind from the aching emptiness inside with the fresh wound - an old trick that was beginning to wear thin. But something in the younger boy gave in, surrendering to hopelessness and taking refuge in dreams. "I wish I could see you." _I would hold you and never let you go_.

"Well, that's impossible and you know it," Satoshi quipped harshly.

"I know," Daisuke sighed, knowing he had lost again even though he had been so close. But there was always one last card to play, "I love you."

Satoshi bit his lip, fighting back tears. _Coward, coward, coward_. "I love you too, Daisuke."

Silence. There was always silence between them. And it was always his fault. Satoshi clenched his teeth, wanting to say something more but held back by pride, by guilt, anger and tears. God, he hated himself!

"It's always a half life with you, isn't it?" his innocent voice, usually so beautiful, was flat and dead, "I should have known."

There was a mechanical click, and suddenly he was left alone, lying in his room in the semi dark. The phone fell carelessly from his hand onto the bed as he stayed there, unmoving. The clock on the bedside table ticked too loudly and the last lingering light of twilight was fading outside the windows. Stained blue eyes wandered around the ceiling, unfocused.

Why do I always push him away?

He closed his eyes. A white, faceless woman reached out towards him through the darkness, splattered with bright red blood. Flecks of it in her hair, dripping from her hands, smeared across his face as his mother held him. _Why? _Blonde hair obscured his view of the person he was on top of. He could feel the hatred seething beneath his skin, but it was not his skin. Daisuke's innocent ruby eyes widened to show a maniacal angel slowly strangling him. _Why?_ His father's glasses flashed white in the dim light, showing the reflection of a fourteen year old Satoshi dragging himself across the floor, blood staining his shirt, pale hand desperately reaching out towards the older man. _Why?_ The white dust settled slowly around them and his hands trembled as pushed back black hair to reveal Tai's lifeless eyes. The sticky, red substance that pooled on the floor around them was freshly drying on his hands. He heard Hikaru's piercing scream as she sank to the floor in grief, hands tearing at her hair. _Why?_ The screeching of sirens reached him first. He took little notice initially until, stopped dead in his tracks, he realised that the yelling, hysterical people were outside his home. The roaring flames still jumped and licked the sky, spreading a red glow over the street under the ashen cloud of smoke, consuming everything. _Why?_

_His eyes.  
_

WHY WAS IT ALWAYS RED?

He banged his fists hard against the white wall before him, not recoiling from the pain that suddenly shot through them but instead, leaning into the wall, he let his hands slide down, carrying his weight to the floor where he collapsed onto his knees.

He burst into tears, unable to contain the years of caged emotion any longer. He let go of the burning anger and the shattering grief that had consumed him for so long. He could hardly breathe; his throat and chest felt so constricted. There was no way that he, even with all his self-discipline, could control this catharsis. He cried hysterically until he could no longer feel, wishing that Daisuke was here with his comforting arms and words but life was cruel enough to take that from him too. He would be too ashamed to let anyone but the innocent boy who held his heart see these tears of pain and anguish. Only he could understand and even then, not as much as Satoshi wished he did. But the thing that hurt the most was that he – Satoshi Hiwatari himself – was the only barrier that was preventing Daisuke from knowing all, from Daisuke having his whole heart. How selfish could you be to only give half a heart? How ashamed? How afraid?

_That which belongs to the Hikaris, will always end up in the hands of the Niwas._ The words floated back to him from a distant memory. Had he said that once? If only then he had realised how true it was. His heart was in Daisuke's hands and it always had been.

_How strange,  
How sweet,  
To find you still.  
These things are dear to me,  
They seem to bring you near to me._

Later that night, he lay in bed with a strange feeling of lightness and stillness upon him. He had no more tears left and all that remained was the silent wish that a tuft of red hair was obscuring his view of the bright moon rather than Yuki's black fur.

* * *

A/N:  
Trust that as soon as holidays start I get sick, then when I'm better my computer breaks, then when the computer is better I get sick again. Conclusion: I have no luck whatsoever. So it's taken awhile but I hope you all enjoy this massive chapter (ten thousand words, please appreciate that I had to proof read it about ten times). In the meantime, I went back and fixed "6: A Funny Valentine but Not For Me" so that it's now slightly less awful then before.

**Thank you for your continued reviews! **They are highly appreciated, as is constructive criticism, as always. Please don't flame me if this chapter is complicated because emotions are complex! Think back to Satoshi's past and perhaps his anger and confusion will not seem so unreasonable.

**To the reviewer named "Me"**: it's hard to reply to annoymous reviews but I hope you're still reading and enjoying the story. Thanks so much for your lovely comment!

COMING SOON (hopefully): the final chapter.

* In Australia, this is a patch worn on the skin to help you quit smoking  
* The // between lines of the song in one part means it's an alternating split screen  
* Baka generally means 'idiot'  
* The quote "That which belongs to the Hikaris, will always end up in the hands of the Niwas" is actually a roughly translated one from the DN Angel manga  
_These Foolish Things_ – Ella Fitzgerald


	11. The Very Thought of You

Disclaimer: I do not own DN Angel or anything associated with it. Yukiru Sugisaki does.

**The Very Thought of You**

Chapter 10: The Very Thought of You

* * *

**A/N:** Safe to say, I got really stuck with this chapter and had no idea how to end it. So, I'm sorry for the delay with updating but though this is a small chapter it went through so many re-writes and I'm still not 100 percent happy with it. I hope you guys like it more than I do.

* * *

Reminder of Chapter 9:

"_You don't have to be alone, you know," she said softly, but Satoshi looked away._

_Three months, a long time during which much could happen. But so far, it had simply been three months of loneliness without the redhead._

_She did not look at him but her words were biting, "Just because you're miserable doesn't mean everyone else has to be."_

"_Why do you always lie to me?" his voice was quiet.  
"I meant it when I said I loved you." Satoshi pressed his free hand to his forehead, willing himself to focus as his exhausted mind strayed from the conversation at hand.  
There was a mechanical click, and suddenly he was left alone, lying in his room in the semi dark._

_Why do I always push him away?_

_

* * *

_

Neither the searing cold water of the shower nor the bitter coffee were enough to shake the images of the previous night from Satoshi's mind as he prepared to face the new day. The sense of calm that had settled over him persisted in the light of morning, and the revelation that had begun to dawn on him was still unfolding. He reflected as he stood staring out the window, mug in hand, that the last time he had broken down so completely and cried like that had been when Tai died, and the last time before that, when his mother had died. And even then, he thought, those times had been different. The grief from those incidences had carried on long after, keeping his heart heavy and cold for days, weeks, years even. But this time felt somehow…free. Liberating, and frightfully so, but from what? He wasn't quite sure yet.

Yuki rubbed up against his legs, mewling pitifully for her breakfast. For awhile he continued to stare vacantly out the window, with the life that swelled around him feeling somewhat surreal. The tall buildings out there in the lingering morning mist seemed so far away. Tail twitching, she howled louder and began digging her claws into his pant legs until the young man could no longer ignore her. Clouded blue eyes slowly drifted down to meet hers. Moving across the living room mechanically, he fed her, put his cup in the sink and collected the last few things he needed for work. Pausing at the bench, his gaze fell upon the picture frame that still stood there.

His breath hitched as his heart skipped a beat. The red leapt out at him and he was struck dumb. For that split second, it all ceased to matter and everything was startlingly clear. All those images, all those thoughts became one and he wondered if perhaps, for once, he could forget his past and give the present a chance. All those doubting voices that had whispered to him over the years, echoing forever in his head…

'_Satoshi, that's amazing' _(1)

'_You're not good enough'_

'_Hold nothing dear'_

'_Coward…'_

Could he ignore them, just for once?

'_Don't force yourself to be alone!' _(2)

His eyes snapped up to the photo, hand clenched in his shirt, twisting above his heart. Why was that memory always the most painful?

'_One day, you'll meet that person who will be glad you're alive. So please…live' _(2)

Resolute, he grabbed his keys from the bench, hastily glancing at the clock on the wall before slamming the door behind him.

* * *

The minutes of the two-hour long drawing class trickled past with excruciating slowness, making the guilt that had been eating away at Daisuke since last night's fateful phone call almost unbearable. Fidgeting in his seat, he tried to concentrate on the canvas before him but his eyes kept wandering to the view from the second-story window as he wondered where the commander was now, what he was doing and of what was he thinking. It was a lovely spring day outside, with winter's grip on nature finally easing, but though the sun was shining it was still cold out. He sighed, dragging his eyes back to the task at hand with difficulty.

"Niwa-kun, do you want to come hang out with us for awhile?" his friend and classmate asked as they packed up, once the class had finally and thankfully finished.

He smiled at her politely but declined, "I'd love to, Saya-san, but I can't. My art history lecture's on now."

"Aw come on, Niwa-kun, art history is so boring!" she implored jokingly and he laughed along with her, but his heart wasn't in it and his head was elsewhere.

"I really should go though," he said at the door, waving them off, "You guys have fun."

"If you say so," she said, giving him a doubtful look before heading off the other way with a wave. Daisuke sighed, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jacket and turning towards the staircase. Skipping the last few steps with a leap reminiscent of his days as a _kaitou_, he pushed open the door to one of the campus's many courtyards. The warmth of the sun made him feel slightly better after being cramped in the same position for two hours. He looked up at the orb in the sky, shading his eyes. He loved the beauty of the light filtering through the new green leaves of the trees and wished he could share it with…him. With a sigh, he realised he'd made himself feel worse again. _Baka… _the distant memory of Dark's voice rang in his head and Daisuke imagined he could almost see the smirk on the thief's face. Looking back down at the path before him, he began walking towards the opposite building, when he felt the sudden sense that he needed to check his phone, which had been on 'silent' during class. As usual, his intuition proved right with the phone showing he had a missed call from home and a voicemail message.

"Home?" he asked himself before vaguely shrugging and pressing the button to listen to the message, wondering if it was important or just his mother making sure he'd be home for dinner in time again. But it was his father's calm voice which said, "Dai-kun, I'm not sure if you're aware of this already – perhaps you planned to meet up and forgot – but Hiwatari-kun is standing outside our house. And he's been there for almost forty minutes, just walking back up and down the footpath. Just thought, uh, I should let you know. Jya."

_What?_

Ruby eyes as wide as they could possibly be, he pressed the delete button and shoved his phone back in his bag, wondering what the hell was going on.

* * *

In front of a humble house in a similarly mundane street, Satoshi paced back and forth restlessly whilst a fierce debate raged inside him. _What are you doing here? This is ridiculous. Pacing in front of Niwa's house. The lady staring at you on the other side of the street thinks you're nuts. I should just go up and ring the doorbell. _He steeled himself, staring at the house determinedly before the doubt set in once more. _But what would I say? Would he even be home? He's probably at uni, baka. Oh God, what if his mother answers the door? _He paused for a moment, regarding the house with something akin to fear and awe. _That wouldn't end well. Should I ring him? No, I need to say this in person. Maybe I should-? No, I'll never find him at university, the campus is too big. God, what are you doing here you idiot? You should be at work! They're not going to be happy when I get back. What if there's some major crisis and I'm not there to help? _Pressing a hand to his forehead, he tried to metaphorically slap some sense into himself. _What is wrong with you? You have the chance to make it right, to tell Daisuke you love him, and you're worrying about work! No wonder you're in a position like this. Now think!_

But he was saved the trouble really by the sound of running footsteps approaching behind him and a familiar voice calling his name, which caused all brain activity to cease entirely.

_The very thought of you and I forget to do,  
The little ordinary things that everyone ought to do._

His heartbeat raced furiously and his hands suddenly felt clammy. Stuffing them in his pockets, he tried to feign nonchalance as he turned to face the oncoming redhead, pretending he hadn't been standing there for the better part of an hour debating with himself what to do. Daisuke slowed to a halt in front of him and stood for a moment just staring at him as he struggled for breath. Eyeing the satchel swinging loosely from the other boy's shoulder, Satoshi wondered if he'd just run all the way from university.

"Hey," he offered meekly, unsure and unnerved by the liquid ruby eyes that were fixed silently upon him. Lowering his eyes, he readied himself for the tirade of abuse he probably deserved but instead was taken aback when engulfed in a giant hug. Daisuke had thrown his arms around the other boy, holding him close in a desperate embrace that said so much more than words. He buried his face into Satoshi's shoulder and the elder pressed a kiss into messy red hair in response.

_I'm living in a kind of daydream,  
I'm happy as a king._

"I'm so glad to see you, I was so worried," the muffled words spoken to his skin needed no reply, and so Satoshi simply tightened his arms further around Daisuke's slender waist, letting the feeling of relief wash over him. He felt as though he could have stood for an eternity holding Daisuke, but it ended all too soon for his liking as the other stepped back to hold him at arms length. Blue eyes widened with anxiety. _This is it, now you're screwed. _Yet Daisuke simply asked in the confused and rather adorable way that he had, "But what on earth are you doing here?"

"I just had to see you," he replied truthfully, hands still firmly grasping Daisuke's arms as if he were afraid that the redhead would disappear into thin air at any moment, leaving him to wake up in his bed with the realisation that it was all a dream.

"What? Why?" Bewildered eyes innocently searched Satoshi's and, despite the fact that Daisuke still possessed the inimitable talent of being an oblivious idiot at the best of times, it took everything he had not to cave into them and smother the boy with kisses.

"I-I wanted – needed – to tell you that," he stumbled over his words, uncharacteristically struggling to convey his thoughts. His deep blue eyes looked up at Daisuke's searchingly, only a trace of hope left in them, "That you mean more to me than anything in the world and I really want to make this work." He clasped both of Daisuke's hands firmly in his own, knowing he had never felt anything as sincerely as he did this, "I love you."

_And foolish though it may seem,  
To me that's everything._

Daisuke seemed slightly dumbstruck by the declaration, taking a step back and letting Satoshi's hands fall coldly back to his sides. Heart sinking, resolve crumbling, the commander knew he couldn't back down now. "And I'm sorry for the way things have gone so far. I know it wasn't really the best start to a relationship," he admitted with an apologetic shrug, failing to meet Daisuke's gaze.

"I suppose not," the other agreed with a small, awkward laugh as he rubbed the back of his head in his usual embarrassed manner.

"But do you think that perhaps we could just…forget it so far and start again?" the blunette asked, regarding Daisuke hopefully with only the slight trembling of his hands betraying his nervousness. Or maybe that was just the nicotine withdrawals. He couldn't tell anymore.

Staring at his shoes, Daisuke seemingly contemplated the idea for a moment while Satoshi struggled with what felt like several years of oxygen deprivation, before he glanced back up at the older boy with an impish grin, "But what if I don't want to forget everything up to now?" Satoshi gave a small laugh of relief, pulling the redhead into a fierce hug once more. The younger boy's face lit up as he stood slightly on tiptoe to steal a kiss from the other, arms circling his neck. Satoshi smiled into the kiss. Usually he wouldn't stand for such a public display of affection, and he was well aware of the lady across the road still staring at them, but right now it didn't really seem to matter much.

_The mere idea of you, the longing here for you.  
You'll never know how slow the moments go till I'm near to you._

"I think we could make things work a little better though," Daisuke said with a small smile, "Even if it has to be long distance relationship." Satoshi mumbled some sort of assent into his hair, wishing they could stay there in the afternoon sun, frozen in time, and not have to worry about tomorrow. But life always managed to interfere somehow and the dreaded time of departure would come.

"When do you have to go back to Tokyo?" Daisuke asked quietly. Upon receiving no answer, he somewhat reluctantly pulled away to scrutinise the other's face but Satoshi avoided his gaze, his smile having slipped away. "Satoshi?"

"Well, since I'm technically not meant to be here right now I should probably leave as soon as possible," he admitted reluctantly, relinquishing his hold on the younger boy whose face fell.

"You can't stay for tonight?" Daisuke asked, hand still grasping Satoshi's shirt as though it was he who now feared the other's sudden disappearance.

Avoiding the other boy's pleading gaze, Satoshi ran a hand through his hair distractedly, replying apologetically, "No."

"Please stay?" Daisuke implored, resorting to puppy-dog eyes which, without fail, always managed to get him what he wanted when it came to the commander. He'd even gotten out of being arrested by the Hikari once using only his large ruby orbs. But right now, it wasn't exactly working.

"I'm sorry but I just can't. I have to get back to work," he said softly, wishing that he could give in to the younger boy, wishing that he had no other responsibilities. But he had a job, a cat, a house and they would be waiting for his return.

"Couldn't they survive without you for one night?" Daisuke drew Satoshi back into an embrace by winding his arms around the other's waist. His resistance crumbling, the blunette wondered if it would really be so terrible to stay one night. Surely Hikaru could feed Yuki and maybe even cover for him at work for once; she was good with excuses. "Just one night?" the redhead asked, hand wandering ever so slightly under the edge of Satoshi's shirt to run his fingers lightly along the porcelain skin there in a very distracting way. Satoshi could hear the words echoing in his mind. _Just for once…_

_I see your face in every flower,  
Your eyes in stars above._

He sighed, surrendering entirely. Damn not being able to resist those eyes.

"I suppose it couldn't hurt to stay til tomorrow," he said hesitantly. The pure, beaming joy that suddenly spread across Daisuke's entire face told him it was worth staying even if the worst happened and he returned to find he'd lost his job and his home, all over again. Well, perhaps not but that smile was still worth an awful lot. "Your mother won't mind, will she? If I stay?" he asked warily.

Daisuke grinned, "Well, she's still not very fond of you, to put it nicely."

"Surprise, surprise," Satoshi mumbled sarcastically, pressing a kiss to Daisuke's forehead as the younger boy laughed.

"But dad likes you enough so, really, I don't think it'll be a problem," the redhead said, taking Satoshi's hand in his to lead him towards the house, turning back to flash him that adorable smile. Intertwining their fingers gently, Satoshi reflected that his only real problem was that now he was here, he wasn't sure how he'd ever be able to leave again.

_It's just the thought of you,  
The very thought of you, my love._

_

* * *

_

A/N:  
Finally finished. *facedesk*

Though it's not the best fic, I have poured my heart into writing it and hope that you've all enjoyed it. Thank you to those who have followed the story and have given much appreciated encouragement and constructive criticism, especially Stratagirl, RhythmStickLunatic, TheRulesOfAttraction, piratepenguin666 and Khelc-sul Renai who have been supportive from the start!

Also I'm so glad that many of you liked Hikaru, but please keep in mind that she is my original character and she'll practice her ninja skills on you if you steal her XD

(1) – quote from Satoshi's adoptive father in the last episode of DN Angel  
(2) – paraphrased quote from Daisuke to Satoshi in the last episode when Satoshi tried to sacrifice himself

_The Very Thought of You_ – Ella Fitzgerald


End file.
